The day ended well yesterday, really well. I felt good because I was able to achieve something. I was able to overcome one fear, I have been trying to repress for some weels now.
Yesterday, Alvin and his parents went to Jenolan Caves and the Blue Mountains. They left at 7am and got home at around half past eight. The whole time, I was alone at home with my two kids. The day before, Alvin was a bit hesitant to leave me with the two kids, afraid if I can handle both. I told him, I might as well practice, because three weeks from now, this will be the case for five days a week, Mondays thru Fridays. Of course, at the back of my mind, I was also scared. This is it.
To make the long story short, I was able to make it with flying colors! Clean our place, do some laundy, fold the clean clothes, wash the dishes, cook rice and fry fish, give my kids a bath in the morning and at night before they went to bed, eat on time, take a bath in the morning and before I went to bed (don't laugh now, but I was ready for that, people have been telling me to be ready for that as well -- days where you are so preoccupied with the more important things that taking a bath takes a back seat!), and lastly, do some grocery with Liam and Sam! Yes, I was able to do all that! When Alvin got home, they were so surprised with what I was able to do!
I am not taking all the credit. I thank first the Lord for preparing me mentally, emotionally and physically for this. I thank the Lord for Liam. Actually this part was the area I was most afraid of, but I was really surprised how he acted the entire day! He was such a responsible boy! A good son and a good kuya at that! I will forever thank God for him! I therefore conclude that he only acts childishly when his grandparents are around. But it's just me at the house, he acts maturely. I thank God for him. I also thank the Lord for Sam, who cooperated as well. She is also slowly proving to be a good girl. She didn't have tantrums and she slept well in the afternoon. I thank the Lord for friends who continue to give me tips and encouragement. They have been an inspiration.
I feel good. I feel like I have renewed energy. I am now not afraid. I am ready to face what awaits me come January. Sabi nila kaya ko, kaya ko nga.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
10th Year! :D
It's the eve of our tenth year anniversary, not as a married couple, but as a couple. We celebrate this more than our wedding anniversary because this day was really the start of us. December 28, 2000, I finally said yes to Alvin, three days after he told me he loves me (waaah, ang cheesy!). Yep, only after three days. I don't know what came into my mind, hahaha! Seriously now, I think I didn't have to prolong the waiting time because we have been friends before we started to feel something "different" towards one another.I think I wrote a previous blog about our story. But you can check it on our wedsite if you still want to know our history :D I said yes even before my parents met him formally! My Papa was really surprised when I announced that Alvin and I are now officially a couple! Yes, my good friend and I decided to start a new chapter of our respective journeys, together. Three days after I said yes, my Papa "grilled" Alvin at home. Interrogated? I don't know, but obviously, he passed with flying colors! Seeing me and Alvin now, I know that my parents are at peace knowing that they have entrusted me to good hands :D
They say love is all about taking risks. Well, I am glad and thankful I took the risk, with him.
Thank you honey for a decade of real friendship, joy, sacrifices, adventures, and love.
Happy 10th year Anniversary honey! We have definitely come a long way!
I Love You!
p.s.
thanks too for your wonderful presents :D mwah!
Why diamonds? Diamonds are now the modern gifts for ten years. Diamonds are forever. Read somewhere that if you have reached ten years, it's already till forever. White gold? Because he knows I prefer white gold than the yellow gold :D Circle? Never ending. Two circles intertwined? Togetherness.
A new charm for my Pandora bracelet. A bouquet of flowers (in sterling silver) with the word "love" (in gold) on it. A symbol for our tenth year! (Wais, hindi na kailangan magbigay ng flowers parati! hehe) Kidding aside, it's well appreciated honey.
Again, words will never be enough :D And sorry, this time I don't have anything to give you on this special day (you know that I am officially on maternity leave and currently unemployed :D)... except my LOVE...in all sense of the word (sorry, started cheesy, ending it cheesy as well!) :D
Here's to forever! Love you!
They say love is all about taking risks. Well, I am glad and thankful I took the risk, with him.
Thank you honey for a decade of real friendship, joy, sacrifices, adventures, and love.
Happy 10th year Anniversary honey! We have definitely come a long way!
I Love You!
p.s.
thanks too for your wonderful presents :D mwah!
Why diamonds? Diamonds are now the modern gifts for ten years. Diamonds are forever. Read somewhere that if you have reached ten years, it's already till forever. White gold? Because he knows I prefer white gold than the yellow gold :D Circle? Never ending. Two circles intertwined? Togetherness.
A new charm for my Pandora bracelet. A bouquet of flowers (in sterling silver) with the word "love" (in gold) on it. A symbol for our tenth year! (Wais, hindi na kailangan magbigay ng flowers parati! hehe) Kidding aside, it's well appreciated honey.
Again, words will never be enough :D And sorry, this time I don't have anything to give you on this special day (you know that I am officially on maternity leave and currently unemployed :D)... except my LOVE...in all sense of the word (sorry, started cheesy, ending it cheesy as well!) :D
Here's to forever! Love you!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
My Chocoholic Boy
Liam, like his Papa is turning out to be one chocoholic person. One time, we were watching TV and when a chocolate commercial suddenly was shown on the TV, we saw him at awe and later on saying: Chocolate!, dreamily! We laughed our hearts out!
The other day, his Papa went home with a box of Ferrero Chocolates! Yummy! When he saw it, he of course wanted to open it and eat it already! But since we are regulating his sugar intake (and he had enough for the day after all the juice and choco milk that he drank) we told him he can't have anymore chocolates. I held the chocolate box and told him it was mine! Santa gave it to me!
Liam: Mama, you have to share!
Mama: Okay, but I will not open it okay?
Liam: Mama, you will open it on Christmas Day (after hearing that Santa was the one who gave it to me)
Mama: Okay. (Kainis! gusto ko pa naman kumain na rin!)
Day one turned out ok.
Day 2:
Liam goes to the kitchen bar to check on the box of chocolates, if it is still there. The most that he can do is pretend that it is a toy car and play with it. Still we didn't open it. After dinnertime, and his Papa was now at home, he got the box of chocolate and asked his Papa if he can have already. We told him it's still not Christmas day, while pointing to our Christmas decor -- the Santa decor with the Christmas countdown on it. We told him there are 3 more days to go before Christmas. Liam then goes and gets his stool, adjusts the pointer on the countdown decor and puts it on one.
Liam: Papa, Mama, look it's Christmas already! I can already open my gifts! -- with matching grin on his face and excitement!(And of course the chocolates! hmmm, WAIS na bata!)
Syempre, natawa kami ni Alvin. Pero, sinabi namin na hindi pwede, kasi hindi pa nga Pasko! Naintindihan naman ni Liam, kasi nakikitawa siya. He thought he could trick us! hehehe
Being a parent is really not that easy! Kasi ako, gusto ko na rin kumain ng chocolates! But then again, kailangan pangatawanan na namin ito kasi pag bumigay kami, in the end, kami rin ang kawawa...anyways, 2 tulog na lang naman, Pasko na! Unahan na lang kami sa chocolates! :D
The other day, his Papa went home with a box of Ferrero Chocolates! Yummy! When he saw it, he of course wanted to open it and eat it already! But since we are regulating his sugar intake (and he had enough for the day after all the juice and choco milk that he drank) we told him he can't have anymore chocolates. I held the chocolate box and told him it was mine! Santa gave it to me!
Liam: Mama, you have to share!
Mama: Okay, but I will not open it okay?
Liam: Mama, you will open it on Christmas Day (after hearing that Santa was the one who gave it to me)
Mama: Okay. (Kainis! gusto ko pa naman kumain na rin!)
Day one turned out ok.
Day 2:
Liam goes to the kitchen bar to check on the box of chocolates, if it is still there. The most that he can do is pretend that it is a toy car and play with it. Still we didn't open it. After dinnertime, and his Papa was now at home, he got the box of chocolate and asked his Papa if he can have already. We told him it's still not Christmas day, while pointing to our Christmas decor -- the Santa decor with the Christmas countdown on it. We told him there are 3 more days to go before Christmas. Liam then goes and gets his stool, adjusts the pointer on the countdown decor and puts it on one.
Liam: Papa, Mama, look it's Christmas already! I can already open my gifts! -- with matching grin on his face and excitement!(And of course the chocolates! hmmm, WAIS na bata!)
Syempre, natawa kami ni Alvin. Pero, sinabi namin na hindi pwede, kasi hindi pa nga Pasko! Naintindihan naman ni Liam, kasi nakikitawa siya. He thought he could trick us! hehehe
Being a parent is really not that easy! Kasi ako, gusto ko na rin kumain ng chocolates! But then again, kailangan pangatawanan na namin ito kasi pag bumigay kami, in the end, kami rin ang kawawa...anyways, 2 tulog na lang naman, Pasko na! Unahan na lang kami sa chocolates! :D
Monday, December 20, 2010
Christmas Presents!
I am HAPPY and THANKFUL, GOD has been VERY GENEROUS and Santa too! :D Out of the 4 Christmas Wishes, I have received three already.
Christmas wish one:
A new job or an extension on Alvin's contract as a Process Engineer at BAT.
Status: GRANTED
Christmas wish two:
A camcorder for our family so we can capture great, happy, joyful events in the lives of our kids and of the family.
Status: GRANTED
I can't believe that camcorders have evolved to this size already! Super small! :D Good thing, it's not a hassle to bring them anymore :D
Christmas wish four (I have to skip three, will elaborate later):
A piece of jewelry for me. It was a hard choice considering almost all jewelry shops here have something nice to offer. But I was happy with my final choice.
Status: GRANTED
Now I am ready to make my own set of "memories" with my Pandora bracelet. I chose L and S, of course, because they are the initials of my children; a pile of books because I am a teacher; and a cross with blue CZ stones and silver to represent the motiff of our wedding (blue and silver) and of course, our marriage. By and by as new events in my journey unfolds, I will be adding more and who knows, I might fill the entire bracelet in a year!
Now for Christmas wish three:
A new family car for our family. Since the family is getting bigger, we feel we need a bigger car. This gift might take some time, probably by early next year? Hopefully. We still can't afford to buy a brand new family car so we are toying with the idea of buying a small car, just like our first, just to meet the family's need. We need it so I can still do the usual stuff even if Alvin is at work with our first car.This second car is for emergency purposes as well since both kids are with me and you know how it is with kids and babies especially. You don't know when you'll have to go to the doctor. But I am not in a rush because I know, sooner or later it will be granted as well.
Of course, these are just the material things I prayed for this season. More than these things, I still wish for joy, good health and protection for our family allthroughout the year. And world peace and a cleaner and greener earth at that. These things I know are more important than the material things I wished for.
Thank you Lord for your goodness. It was a good year, amidst trials and problems, you still made Your presence felt not only thru the material things YOu have given us , but more of the protection, the gift of life, the gift of good health, and the people you have surrounded us with -- showering us with love and prayers. Happy birthday Jesus! Now it's Your turn to make your birthday wish. I just hope, like You, I would be able to grant it as well.
Christmas wish one:
A new job or an extension on Alvin's contract as a Process Engineer at BAT.
Status: GRANTED
Christmas wish two:
A camcorder for our family so we can capture great, happy, joyful events in the lives of our kids and of the family.
Status: GRANTED
I can't believe that camcorders have evolved to this size already! Super small! :D Good thing, it's not a hassle to bring them anymore :D
Christmas wish four (I have to skip three, will elaborate later):
A piece of jewelry for me. It was a hard choice considering almost all jewelry shops here have something nice to offer. But I was happy with my final choice.
Status: GRANTED
Now I am ready to make my own set of "memories" with my Pandora bracelet. I chose L and S, of course, because they are the initials of my children; a pile of books because I am a teacher; and a cross with blue CZ stones and silver to represent the motiff of our wedding (blue and silver) and of course, our marriage. By and by as new events in my journey unfolds, I will be adding more and who knows, I might fill the entire bracelet in a year!
Now for Christmas wish three:
A new family car for our family. Since the family is getting bigger, we feel we need a bigger car. This gift might take some time, probably by early next year? Hopefully. We still can't afford to buy a brand new family car so we are toying with the idea of buying a small car, just like our first, just to meet the family's need. We need it so I can still do the usual stuff even if Alvin is at work with our first car.This second car is for emergency purposes as well since both kids are with me and you know how it is with kids and babies especially. You don't know when you'll have to go to the doctor. But I am not in a rush because I know, sooner or later it will be granted as well.
Of course, these are just the material things I prayed for this season. More than these things, I still wish for joy, good health and protection for our family allthroughout the year. And world peace and a cleaner and greener earth at that. These things I know are more important than the material things I wished for.
Thank you Lord for your goodness. It was a good year, amidst trials and problems, you still made Your presence felt not only thru the material things YOu have given us , but more of the protection, the gift of life, the gift of good health, and the people you have surrounded us with -- showering us with love and prayers. Happy birthday Jesus! Now it's Your turn to make your birthday wish. I just hope, like You, I would be able to grant it as well.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Adjusting.Adapting.
Has it only been three weeks? Yes. It has only been three weeks since Sam's arrival and yet our lives have never been the same since she came. We are adjusting and adapting. We are all learning.
Ang dami kong gustong isulat pero pagnaiisip ko yung gugugulin kong oras sa pagsusulat, medyo nanghihinyang ako. Una, tiyempo lang na natutulog ng mahimbing si Sam ngayon kaya ako ay nagkaroon ng libreng oras. Pangalawa, abala sa panonood ng TV at pakikipaglaro sa mga pinsan niya si Liam. But there are days when everything is chaotic! Liam has this tendency to do silly things because he is attracting attention. I think it has dawned on him that Sam is here and this little baby is getting the attention that before was given to him, a 100% anytime, all the time. There are days when he is being sensible but there are days when I know that he is just being a kid-- showing signs of his adjustment to all this new situation, as well. My heart goes out for him when I tend to reprimand him already and ask him to play or go down so as not to disturb his sister. The thing that makes me guiltier is the fact that he does go down and plays by himself! I still have to establish our time -- Liam time together -- I want to make this a sacred time for the two of us, everyday. I think I can do that now, but I think I still have to wait until my in-laws go home to Manila. Why? Because if I establish it now and break when his Lolo and Lola goes home, he might be upset and might have a negative effect on him.
Ang hirap pala! Si Sam minsan halos buong araw matulog pero may mga araw na ayaw niya magpalapag! Mas nakakaloka kung sabay silang nanghihingi ng atensyon ng kuya niya! Kahapon, nagkaroon kami ng praktis ni Alvin, kaming 2 lang at ang mga bata habang namasyal sa city ang mga Lolo at Lola. Isa lang ang masasabi ko. NAKAKAPAGOD! From the preparation time, to the time we got home, there was no dull moment! The only time I got to sit down was during toilet break or when Sam is latched with me. But I still don't get to rest when I am breastfeeding, maybe because there is a million and one things that goes in my mind. Yep, I've lowered down the bar already. I think I have improved when in comes to lowering my OC-ness level :D Toys or magazines scattered? Clean clothes that needs folding? Hayaan sila diyan na nakakalat!
I am learning. I am seing an inner strength and physical strength I never knew I had. I am capable of delaying meal time so I can attend first to the needs of my kids. I have learned to appreciate the help given by my in-laws now that they are here (thankfully, they have extended their stay for two more weeks!). Of course there are days when I just want to give up! I need some pampering, that is for sure! Things will get more challenging, physically and emtionally, but I know things will get better as well. I am proud of what I have become and I am taking all these challnges positively, because at the end of it all, I know that I will also become a better person.
Ang dami kong gustong isulat pero pagnaiisip ko yung gugugulin kong oras sa pagsusulat, medyo nanghihinyang ako. Una, tiyempo lang na natutulog ng mahimbing si Sam ngayon kaya ako ay nagkaroon ng libreng oras. Pangalawa, abala sa panonood ng TV at pakikipaglaro sa mga pinsan niya si Liam. But there are days when everything is chaotic! Liam has this tendency to do silly things because he is attracting attention. I think it has dawned on him that Sam is here and this little baby is getting the attention that before was given to him, a 100% anytime, all the time. There are days when he is being sensible but there are days when I know that he is just being a kid-- showing signs of his adjustment to all this new situation, as well. My heart goes out for him when I tend to reprimand him already and ask him to play or go down so as not to disturb his sister. The thing that makes me guiltier is the fact that he does go down and plays by himself! I still have to establish our time -- Liam time together -- I want to make this a sacred time for the two of us, everyday. I think I can do that now, but I think I still have to wait until my in-laws go home to Manila. Why? Because if I establish it now and break when his Lolo and Lola goes home, he might be upset and might have a negative effect on him.
Ang hirap pala! Si Sam minsan halos buong araw matulog pero may mga araw na ayaw niya magpalapag! Mas nakakaloka kung sabay silang nanghihingi ng atensyon ng kuya niya! Kahapon, nagkaroon kami ng praktis ni Alvin, kaming 2 lang at ang mga bata habang namasyal sa city ang mga Lolo at Lola. Isa lang ang masasabi ko. NAKAKAPAGOD! From the preparation time, to the time we got home, there was no dull moment! The only time I got to sit down was during toilet break or when Sam is latched with me. But I still don't get to rest when I am breastfeeding, maybe because there is a million and one things that goes in my mind. Yep, I've lowered down the bar already. I think I have improved when in comes to lowering my OC-ness level :D Toys or magazines scattered? Clean clothes that needs folding? Hayaan sila diyan na nakakalat!
I am learning. I am seing an inner strength and physical strength I never knew I had. I am capable of delaying meal time so I can attend first to the needs of my kids. I have learned to appreciate the help given by my in-laws now that they are here (thankfully, they have extended their stay for two more weeks!). Of course there are days when I just want to give up! I need some pampering, that is for sure! Things will get more challenging, physically and emtionally, but I know things will get better as well. I am proud of what I have become and I am taking all these challnges positively, because at the end of it all, I know that I will also become a better person.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Isa.
Maganda pala ang numero ang isa. Kung nag-aral ka sa UP, magaling ka kung umuulan ng "1" ang classcards mo. Maganda kung ikaw ang nag-iisa sa buhay ng asawa mo. Masarap kung ikaw ang una sa buhay niya. Nakaktuwa kung may isang anak kang lalaki at may isa ring anak na babae. Isang pares.
Isa. Una. Uno.
Sa bahay namin, isa rin lang ang TV at ang laptop. Hindi dahil sa hindi kayang bumuli ng pangalawa ngunit napagisipang mas mabuti para sa pamilya na manatili na lamang silang isa. Bakit? Kung dalawa o higit pa ang TV o laptop sa bahay, tiyak yun na hindi na kami mag-uusap o magkikita-kita. Dahil sa isa lamang ang mayroon kami, natututo kaming magbigayan.
Isa. Una. Uno.
Masaya ako sa numerong ito.
Isa. Una. Uno.
Sa bahay namin, isa rin lang ang TV at ang laptop. Hindi dahil sa hindi kayang bumuli ng pangalawa ngunit napagisipang mas mabuti para sa pamilya na manatili na lamang silang isa. Bakit? Kung dalawa o higit pa ang TV o laptop sa bahay, tiyak yun na hindi na kami mag-uusap o magkikita-kita. Dahil sa isa lamang ang mayroon kami, natututo kaming magbigayan.
Isa. Una. Uno.
Masaya ako sa numerong ito.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Crunch Time!
It was Monday this week when I started feeling this way -- it is chaotic at the home front. Reality bites. Reality has started to sink in and in a not so good way. Samantha had a 1st week check up with the GP today and after that Alvin and Liam has a dental appointment as well.While preparing the things at home, I felt I wasn't in control of the situation.
Prior to leaving the house, everything was just not like the way it used to! Everything now is times two! From the preps of the clothes to giving a bath, to taking care of the kids. It is now challenging for me to attend to the needs of both my kids. Much as I want to give in to Liam's requests every now and then I am a bit tied up with Sam (who I think still needs more attention now). It is a good thing that Alvin is at home to help out, and his parents as well. But is was chaotic (in my standards that is)! Gumugulo na ang bahay, kumukulit na si Liam, at nakikisawsaw pa ang mga requirements ko with the Certificate Course I am taking. Waaah! I have to stop at the middle of an errand because Liam wants me or Sam needs me. They need me everywhere! My multi-tasking skills are challenged! Ang haba na ng listahan ng gagawin bago pa kami umalis ng bahay! Liam's things, Liam should be put on his car seat, Sam's baby bag, then Sam's capsule! Ha! Alvin had to go back and forth inside the house for almost 3 times!
Minsan pag sumusobra na si Liam, I can't help but lose my temper. This is of course after trying all possible things already with him. Kung nakakapayat lang ang magsabi ng mga pang-uto sa bata, ang sexy sexy ko na! After spanking him or putting him in time out, of course I feel very guilty. Guilty because in general, Liam's adjustment and actions on the arrival of his baby sister is much, much better than what we have expected. More often than not, he is being makulit because he wants to take care of his baby sister. He showers her with kisses and wants to cuddle her all the time. One time, before dinner, he gladly volunteered to get Sam from me so I can have my dinner. We were thrilled when he said "Akin na, akin na" (referring to Sam). At bedtime, we tried sleeping altogether on just one bed, but all of us were miserable so we ended up putting Liam's bed in our room so he and Alvin can sleep there and Sam and myself can sleep at the bigger bed. But at night Liam wants to sleep on the bigger bed. Initially I thought it was because of me, but no, he wants to sleep on the bed where Sam is sleeping. He really loves her baby sister. It shows in his actions and how much he tells her so every single day.
But it is hard. There are days when I know he's deliberately doing something silly to attract attention, such as during meal times. It is hard on my part as a parent because he is now on that stage that we need to establish his habits. Example, he tends to go down the table and play around when we eat dinner (except when he really loves the food we have) so I have to address that or else, he might grow up having that bad habit. But most of the time, he is the one who already tells me that he needs me and that I need to spend time with him, without crying. But of course there are days that he does cry and my heart goes out for him. One time, when Alvin got Sam, he told me, "Mama, I want you. Liam time." Wow, my little boy reminding me that I also needed to spend time with him, just him.
At night, when both me and Alvin are up because Sam is up as well (that is from 1130 pm to around 3am) I tell him to pray for me. Why? Because I feel every now and then that my "nerbiyos" is coming back. The pessimist in me is trying to rule over my emotions. All sorts of things go inside my head and the degree of my worry is not healthy. Let's just say that from a scale of 1-10 my "nerbiyos" rate is now at 8. I worry if I can manage the two kids and the chores at home when Alvin gets back to work (he'll be out from 7 to 730pm on weekdays), I worry if I can handle when my in-laws go back to Manila already. I worry how I can let address Liam's needs as well now that Sam is here. Last night, Sam cannot sleep with her Papa and she was so restless so Alvin gave Sam to me. But at that time Liam was also trying to sleep and asked me to massage his foot or hold his hand. When I stopped massaging his foot to get Sam from his Papa, he cried. He cried big time! Even if Alvin got him to carry him and comfort him, he still wanted me. I felt so powerless. I worry endlessly and unlike before, this time, I worry and I feel scared.
Thinking about it, I have a choice, career-rin ko ang pagiging nanay at asawa or pabayaan ko na lang sila (meaning I will not address those silly things Liam does every now and then --playing while eating, eating fancy foods before a main meal, shouting when he want to play with someone, etc.) but I would like my children to grow up well. I want them to grow up having the correct habits and values that is why I am putting pressure on myself. I don't want them to grow up tamad (no initiative), makalat, burara. That is why I am teaching them now the value of doing chores at home, of cleaning and packing up. Of course, I still have to be their "first teacher" at home, teaching him academic skills, but at the same time, making them well-rounded individuals. I love them and I care that is why I would like to be in control of things for now.
Crunch time! This is reality! This is real parenting! I wonder how my parents managed before with all five of us. Right now I feel I need a good massage! And I think Alvin does as well. We have been sleep deprived since Sam's arrival, not to mention the fact that I have been recovering as well from my major operation. Lack of sleep and exhaustion has caught up with me because I have had migraine for two days now. I have a terrible backache and the discomforts of breastfeeding is there, ever present. My only consolation is when I tried my "normal" blouses and shirts, I can almost fit in them! Thanks to breastfeeding! I'm giving myself two more weeks and I'm sure I'll get my old size/figure back hahaha.
Two weeks (make that nine days!) is still a such short period of time, I know. That is why whenever I feel that I'm having a panic attack, I just remember to give myself and everyone else at home enough time, time to adjust. Maybe in a few months' time all will fall into place and things will go back to normal. We don't have a manual to follow so everything is taken as it is. Crunch time! Kaya ko pa naman, pero baka isang araw kunin ko na ang bato kay Ding, sabay sigaw ng "Darna"!
Prior to leaving the house, everything was just not like the way it used to! Everything now is times two! From the preps of the clothes to giving a bath, to taking care of the kids. It is now challenging for me to attend to the needs of both my kids. Much as I want to give in to Liam's requests every now and then I am a bit tied up with Sam (who I think still needs more attention now). It is a good thing that Alvin is at home to help out, and his parents as well. But is was chaotic (in my standards that is)! Gumugulo na ang bahay, kumukulit na si Liam, at nakikisawsaw pa ang mga requirements ko with the Certificate Course I am taking. Waaah! I have to stop at the middle of an errand because Liam wants me or Sam needs me. They need me everywhere! My multi-tasking skills are challenged! Ang haba na ng listahan ng gagawin bago pa kami umalis ng bahay! Liam's things, Liam should be put on his car seat, Sam's baby bag, then Sam's capsule! Ha! Alvin had to go back and forth inside the house for almost 3 times!
Minsan pag sumusobra na si Liam, I can't help but lose my temper. This is of course after trying all possible things already with him. Kung nakakapayat lang ang magsabi ng mga pang-uto sa bata, ang sexy sexy ko na! After spanking him or putting him in time out, of course I feel very guilty. Guilty because in general, Liam's adjustment and actions on the arrival of his baby sister is much, much better than what we have expected. More often than not, he is being makulit because he wants to take care of his baby sister. He showers her with kisses and wants to cuddle her all the time. One time, before dinner, he gladly volunteered to get Sam from me so I can have my dinner. We were thrilled when he said "Akin na, akin na" (referring to Sam). At bedtime, we tried sleeping altogether on just one bed, but all of us were miserable so we ended up putting Liam's bed in our room so he and Alvin can sleep there and Sam and myself can sleep at the bigger bed. But at night Liam wants to sleep on the bigger bed. Initially I thought it was because of me, but no, he wants to sleep on the bed where Sam is sleeping. He really loves her baby sister. It shows in his actions and how much he tells her so every single day.
But it is hard. There are days when I know he's deliberately doing something silly to attract attention, such as during meal times. It is hard on my part as a parent because he is now on that stage that we need to establish his habits. Example, he tends to go down the table and play around when we eat dinner (except when he really loves the food we have) so I have to address that or else, he might grow up having that bad habit. But most of the time, he is the one who already tells me that he needs me and that I need to spend time with him, without crying. But of course there are days that he does cry and my heart goes out for him. One time, when Alvin got Sam, he told me, "Mama, I want you. Liam time." Wow, my little boy reminding me that I also needed to spend time with him, just him.
At night, when both me and Alvin are up because Sam is up as well (that is from 1130 pm to around 3am) I tell him to pray for me. Why? Because I feel every now and then that my "nerbiyos" is coming back. The pessimist in me is trying to rule over my emotions. All sorts of things go inside my head and the degree of my worry is not healthy. Let's just say that from a scale of 1-10 my "nerbiyos" rate is now at 8. I worry if I can manage the two kids and the chores at home when Alvin gets back to work (he'll be out from 7 to 730pm on weekdays), I worry if I can handle when my in-laws go back to Manila already. I worry how I can let address Liam's needs as well now that Sam is here. Last night, Sam cannot sleep with her Papa and she was so restless so Alvin gave Sam to me. But at that time Liam was also trying to sleep and asked me to massage his foot or hold his hand. When I stopped massaging his foot to get Sam from his Papa, he cried. He cried big time! Even if Alvin got him to carry him and comfort him, he still wanted me. I felt so powerless. I worry endlessly and unlike before, this time, I worry and I feel scared.
Thinking about it, I have a choice, career-rin ko ang pagiging nanay at asawa or pabayaan ko na lang sila (meaning I will not address those silly things Liam does every now and then --playing while eating, eating fancy foods before a main meal, shouting when he want to play with someone, etc.) but I would like my children to grow up well. I want them to grow up having the correct habits and values that is why I am putting pressure on myself. I don't want them to grow up tamad (no initiative), makalat, burara. That is why I am teaching them now the value of doing chores at home, of cleaning and packing up. Of course, I still have to be their "first teacher" at home, teaching him academic skills, but at the same time, making them well-rounded individuals. I love them and I care that is why I would like to be in control of things for now.
Crunch time! This is reality! This is real parenting! I wonder how my parents managed before with all five of us. Right now I feel I need a good massage! And I think Alvin does as well. We have been sleep deprived since Sam's arrival, not to mention the fact that I have been recovering as well from my major operation. Lack of sleep and exhaustion has caught up with me because I have had migraine for two days now. I have a terrible backache and the discomforts of breastfeeding is there, ever present. My only consolation is when I tried my "normal" blouses and shirts, I can almost fit in them! Thanks to breastfeeding! I'm giving myself two more weeks and I'm sure I'll get my old size/figure back hahaha.
Two weeks (make that nine days!) is still a such short period of time, I know. That is why whenever I feel that I'm having a panic attack, I just remember to give myself and everyone else at home enough time, time to adjust. Maybe in a few months' time all will fall into place and things will go back to normal. We don't have a manual to follow so everything is taken as it is. Crunch time! Kaya ko pa naman, pero baka isang araw kunin ko na ang bato kay Ding, sabay sigaw ng "Darna"!
Friday, November 26, 2010
A Whole New Set of Firsts - Part 2
Now, back to my story.
As I have said, my new set of experiences are starting to become a nightmare for me. Day 2 (Sunday around 8am). Still groggy and tired, happy that Alvin with Liam in tow, was now with me. They attached a machine on my legs to prevent blood clot and gave me pain killers. I guess seeing Liam very excited and the pain killers allowed me to survive the day. But not for long, as per hospital rules, visiting hours in the morning are up to 1pm only so Alvin had to bring Liam home by 1pm. (I'll write a different blog regarding Liam and Sam's first encounter). Alvin got back at the hospital at around 3pm already. He stayed there until around 9:30pm though he was allowed to stay until 10pm. I didn't want want him to stay so late because we have another one at home, waiting for him. I didn't want Sam's arrival to be a bad experience for Liam. During the time that Alvin went home up until he came back, I managed because I had pain killers. Though I was still bed-bound due to the machine attached to my feet and of course because of the catheter and dextrose still attached to me. But mind you, at around 930 am, a midwife really asked me to stand up and have a shower already. Again, as I have said, I managed because Alvin was with me.
So when he went home that was when things started getting crazy again. Sam was not as cooperative like she was during the first night. I tried to latch her and she kept on sucking for almost two hours. She'd doze off but when she realizes she has stopped sucking she'll cry all over again. My powers this time was very limited because even if I wanted to cuddle her I still can't. I still can't stand up. I buzzed the nurse for help and it took ages before she got to me (I actually support the demand of midwives and nurses here in NSW one2four campaign because of this experience). When she saw me and saw Sam crying, her first question was: "Are you from the CS section? Why are you not standing up and walking around?" My reaction, though I just kept it to myself was, "hello?! have you been under the knife?!" All I could answer was, I just had my CS in the morning, my dextrose and catheter were still attached to me so even if I wanted to I still can't. And added that I have tried to do everything to settle Sam, including breasfeed her but she is still cranky. Thank heavens she understood me (or probably I really looked terrible already haha) she got Sam and told me that she'll try to settle Sam. If Sam does not settle, they'll give her the formula already since she can see some signs from Sam that she is still hungry. Explaining that even after latching to me for two hours, probably the milk that I had was still not enough. We still didn't have any formula with us and what I brought was the Medela feeding cup (we didn't want to introduce the bottle yet afraid that if we introduce it to her too early she might not latch and feed with me anymore), when I explained all these to the midwife, she told me that they had bottles and formula available so I need not worry. As for the feeding cup story, she just told me that this was a myth so even if I was a bit apprehensive, I gave in. Anyway, I couldn't do anything anymore to settle Sam and her comfort was my priority. But before the midwife left, she told me that tom I should be up and about already. That was around 12am and I was able to rest since Sam was returned to me at 6am. Though I really didn't get a sound sleep as cries of babies will really let you stay up. And I was thinking if it was actually Sam who was crying. But the fact that I was alone and Sam was not with me, did give me the break that I needed. Again, the delivery of our breakfast was our wake-up call (nakakainis kasi Pinoy yung mga nagdedeliver at talagang kalabog to the max ang mga gamit nila!).
Alvin came in a bit late today because Liam and his parents were scheduled to visit us that day. This was Monday. They finally removed the pump attached to my legs and removed my catheter and the dextrose (but still had to wee two times before the needle was pulled out from hand). Finally, freedom! :D Baby Sam got her Hepa B shot and her Hearing Test today, which were both for free. Here's the thing, when one of the midwives asked us up to when do we think will we stay at the hospital, we told her probably around Wednesday, thinking that the Dr has yet to see me and advise us when I can go home. To our surprise, the midwife told us that it was actually US, who called the shots as to when we want to go home! What?! Oh ok. Anyways, if ever we decide to go home, a midwife will still visit me and Sam at home. Alvin stayed with me at the hospital until 8pm only. From 8pm onwards I was again alone in-charge with our little bub. At around 12am (Tuesday, 23 November) I was already exhausted. It was a struggle for me everytime I needed to go to the toilet. Aside from the soreness I felt on the cut that I had, I also had to bring Sam with me everytime I needed to wee. Breastfeeding discomforts were starting as well. I found myself crying already because I felt so alone, tired and overwhelmed by everything that have happened since I gave birth early Sunday morning. I can't stand spending another night like this at the hospital. I just found it really ironic becuase when they ask how I was and I tell them I still felt sore etc., they would reply "It's normal, of course you do, you had a major operation!" but they expect us to move around already and care for our bubs like we just didn't undergo a major operation. Post-natal blues? Probably. WHat kept me sane? Sam. By around 130 am, Sam on the bassinet, I had to walk and get her some formula at the Nursery there I found some "inspiration and strength" seeing other mommies doing exactly what I was doing, feeding, taking charge of their little bub. It gave me the push that I needed, if they can do it, why can't I. That pulled me through until Alvin came back first thing in the morning (I already texted him that I needed him early at the hospital or else I'll go nuts!). He was supposed to pick up Liam after lunch to visit us again but when the Pediatrician and OB already checked on me and Sam (Sam had her Newborn Screening earlier today, again it was for free) an idea came to me -- since the last two medical procedures/checks were already done, I can very much go home! So we asked if it was possible for me to go home already. One midwife didn't allow me to go home and told me that since I was under the Csection, the earliest that I can go home is Wednesday morning. I felt my excitement going down the drain. But the thing here is, there was another midwife who was allowing us to go home and even fixed our house visit for the following day. The two had a little argument but to make the long story short, since the Pedia and the OB stated on my books that I can go home already should I decide to go home, I was allowed to go home. I was so excited and happy! The funny thing was, no one checked our bands (mum and bub's band if it matched) when we got out of the hospital. No security checks whatsoever.
Since going home Tuesday evening, I have slowly regained my strength and I think my recovery (physical and emotional) was better and faster because I was at home. Looking back at what I had to go through it was another opportunity for me to grow as an individual and it allowed me to see what I am capable of doing all for the sake of my little bub. Some people did warn me about this but I didn't expect it was this bad. Maybe the hormones added to my being emotional, but what the heck, this experience taught me lessons again and made me a better (tougher) person. It proved that I can push myself even if it was very hard if it involved my child (children).
In the last 4 days that I was home we have had 2 visits from the midwife and 1 visit from the Community Health nurse. I am re-learning and learning new tricks on parenting and I am only but grateful for this help and support which is easily made available to us, all for free. It is now Saturday and I can't believe that it has been a week since this colorful chapter of my journey has started. I and my husband are now sleep-deprived because of changing nappies, making formula (as a supplement until my milk supply becomes enough for each feed of Sam) and of breastfeeding. Tired, yes! But in the end, when you see your little bub, you come to realize, everything is all worth it!
As I have said, my new set of experiences are starting to become a nightmare for me. Day 2 (Sunday around 8am). Still groggy and tired, happy that Alvin with Liam in tow, was now with me. They attached a machine on my legs to prevent blood clot and gave me pain killers. I guess seeing Liam very excited and the pain killers allowed me to survive the day. But not for long, as per hospital rules, visiting hours in the morning are up to 1pm only so Alvin had to bring Liam home by 1pm. (I'll write a different blog regarding Liam and Sam's first encounter). Alvin got back at the hospital at around 3pm already. He stayed there until around 9:30pm though he was allowed to stay until 10pm. I didn't want want him to stay so late because we have another one at home, waiting for him. I didn't want Sam's arrival to be a bad experience for Liam. During the time that Alvin went home up until he came back, I managed because I had pain killers. Though I was still bed-bound due to the machine attached to my feet and of course because of the catheter and dextrose still attached to me. But mind you, at around 930 am, a midwife really asked me to stand up and have a shower already. Again, as I have said, I managed because Alvin was with me.
So when he went home that was when things started getting crazy again. Sam was not as cooperative like she was during the first night. I tried to latch her and she kept on sucking for almost two hours. She'd doze off but when she realizes she has stopped sucking she'll cry all over again. My powers this time was very limited because even if I wanted to cuddle her I still can't. I still can't stand up. I buzzed the nurse for help and it took ages before she got to me (I actually support the demand of midwives and nurses here in NSW one2four campaign because of this experience). When she saw me and saw Sam crying, her first question was: "Are you from the CS section? Why are you not standing up and walking around?" My reaction, though I just kept it to myself was, "hello?! have you been under the knife?!" All I could answer was, I just had my CS in the morning, my dextrose and catheter were still attached to me so even if I wanted to I still can't. And added that I have tried to do everything to settle Sam, including breasfeed her but she is still cranky. Thank heavens she understood me (or probably I really looked terrible already haha) she got Sam and told me that she'll try to settle Sam. If Sam does not settle, they'll give her the formula already since she can see some signs from Sam that she is still hungry. Explaining that even after latching to me for two hours, probably the milk that I had was still not enough. We still didn't have any formula with us and what I brought was the Medela feeding cup (we didn't want to introduce the bottle yet afraid that if we introduce it to her too early she might not latch and feed with me anymore), when I explained all these to the midwife, she told me that they had bottles and formula available so I need not worry. As for the feeding cup story, she just told me that this was a myth so even if I was a bit apprehensive, I gave in. Anyway, I couldn't do anything anymore to settle Sam and her comfort was my priority. But before the midwife left, she told me that tom I should be up and about already. That was around 12am and I was able to rest since Sam was returned to me at 6am. Though I really didn't get a sound sleep as cries of babies will really let you stay up. And I was thinking if it was actually Sam who was crying. But the fact that I was alone and Sam was not with me, did give me the break that I needed. Again, the delivery of our breakfast was our wake-up call (nakakainis kasi Pinoy yung mga nagdedeliver at talagang kalabog to the max ang mga gamit nila!).
Alvin came in a bit late today because Liam and his parents were scheduled to visit us that day. This was Monday. They finally removed the pump attached to my legs and removed my catheter and the dextrose (but still had to wee two times before the needle was pulled out from hand). Finally, freedom! :D Baby Sam got her Hepa B shot and her Hearing Test today, which were both for free. Here's the thing, when one of the midwives asked us up to when do we think will we stay at the hospital, we told her probably around Wednesday, thinking that the Dr has yet to see me and advise us when I can go home. To our surprise, the midwife told us that it was actually US, who called the shots as to when we want to go home! What?! Oh ok. Anyways, if ever we decide to go home, a midwife will still visit me and Sam at home. Alvin stayed with me at the hospital until 8pm only. From 8pm onwards I was again alone in-charge with our little bub. At around 12am (Tuesday, 23 November) I was already exhausted. It was a struggle for me everytime I needed to go to the toilet. Aside from the soreness I felt on the cut that I had, I also had to bring Sam with me everytime I needed to wee. Breastfeeding discomforts were starting as well. I found myself crying already because I felt so alone, tired and overwhelmed by everything that have happened since I gave birth early Sunday morning. I can't stand spending another night like this at the hospital. I just found it really ironic becuase when they ask how I was and I tell them I still felt sore etc., they would reply "It's normal, of course you do, you had a major operation!" but they expect us to move around already and care for our bubs like we just didn't undergo a major operation. Post-natal blues? Probably. WHat kept me sane? Sam. By around 130 am, Sam on the bassinet, I had to walk and get her some formula at the Nursery there I found some "inspiration and strength" seeing other mommies doing exactly what I was doing, feeding, taking charge of their little bub. It gave me the push that I needed, if they can do it, why can't I. That pulled me through until Alvin came back first thing in the morning (I already texted him that I needed him early at the hospital or else I'll go nuts!). He was supposed to pick up Liam after lunch to visit us again but when the Pediatrician and OB already checked on me and Sam (Sam had her Newborn Screening earlier today, again it was for free) an idea came to me -- since the last two medical procedures/checks were already done, I can very much go home! So we asked if it was possible for me to go home already. One midwife didn't allow me to go home and told me that since I was under the Csection, the earliest that I can go home is Wednesday morning. I felt my excitement going down the drain. But the thing here is, there was another midwife who was allowing us to go home and even fixed our house visit for the following day. The two had a little argument but to make the long story short, since the Pedia and the OB stated on my books that I can go home already should I decide to go home, I was allowed to go home. I was so excited and happy! The funny thing was, no one checked our bands (mum and bub's band if it matched) when we got out of the hospital. No security checks whatsoever.
Since going home Tuesday evening, I have slowly regained my strength and I think my recovery (physical and emotional) was better and faster because I was at home. Looking back at what I had to go through it was another opportunity for me to grow as an individual and it allowed me to see what I am capable of doing all for the sake of my little bub. Some people did warn me about this but I didn't expect it was this bad. Maybe the hormones added to my being emotional, but what the heck, this experience taught me lessons again and made me a better (tougher) person. It proved that I can push myself even if it was very hard if it involved my child (children).
In the last 4 days that I was home we have had 2 visits from the midwife and 1 visit from the Community Health nurse. I am re-learning and learning new tricks on parenting and I am only but grateful for this help and support which is easily made available to us, all for free. It is now Saturday and I can't believe that it has been a week since this colorful chapter of my journey has started. I and my husband are now sleep-deprived because of changing nappies, making formula (as a supplement until my milk supply becomes enough for each feed of Sam) and of breastfeeding. Tired, yes! But in the end, when you see your little bub, you come to realize, everything is all worth it!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
A Whole New Set of Firsts - Part 1
This was my second pregnancy but the exprience presented a lot of whole new firsts for me (and for hubby as well) making this experience totally different from my first one.
Aside from planning (and praying) for this pregnancy, this was my first time to get pregnant in a different place (Australia) with different people of different cultural backgrounds and different practices. When I started with my pre-natal check ups, I already had a feeling that the next nine months will be different. And true enough, aside from hubby not being with me almost all the time (there are no clinics on weekends when he is available) my doctor's sched was only on Tuesdays from 9 am to 11 am, I was also seen in less than 5 minutes for every check up. They do not perform an IE which they normally do in Manila. They do not touch the patient except of course when measuring the fundal height and listening to the Doppler. I specifically chose a Filipina doctor so it will be a lot easier for me and I will feel more at home. But lo and behold, on the day of my check up, two different doctors looked after me. Of couse, I asked towards the end of the session where was my doctor, and I found out that my doctor was already a consultant. She will not meet all the patients, only those who have real pressing problems in the pregnancy will be allowed to see her. Oh okay. Since everything was okay with me, they didn't see any need for me to see her. But in the succeeding sessions, when I had some questions and they were not sure about it, they'd leave me for a couple of minutes in the room to consult with the Filipina doctor. I almost forgot, in the nine months that I had my visits, every 3 or 4 weeks a new doctor was seeing me. It was frustrating on my part towards the end of the pregnancy since I found myself repeating and retelling the story and answers to questions previous doctors have already asked me (when in fact everything is already on my file)! And to top of it all, none of the doctors who saw me will be present on the day of my elective CS! How's that?! WHoever was on duty on the day of my CS will be the one in-charge of my operation, everything that this doctor should know about my case should be on the book/records.
Well, one very good thing about it though is that, in all nine months and my delivery included, we didn't shell out a single centavo! Yup, everything was for free! And for that we are thankful. It is a blessing whatever way you see it. I was just thinking, if I was in Manila I'm pretty sure I'd be working doubly hard to save for the day of my delivery. I wonder how much a CS operation now costs in Manila!
Next set of firsts: it was the first time that I was actually awake when my child was born. I did not do trial labor anymore but since my contractions were becoming more painful and regular and I was just a day away from my scheduled CS they decided to push through with my CS. I chose epidural among the medicines available, it means that only half of my body was numb and I will be awake during the procedure. It was a great experience to see my baby girl fresh out of my womb! Of course there was a feeling of tugging and pulling while being operated on but that is all part of the process. I enjoyed it!
Next, it was the first time that Alvin was with me althroughout the procedure! He saw me when the doctors started punching in those big needles...he saw me during the painful part, he saw baby Sam come out and he did not faint! hehehe I guess this was a bonding experience for the two of us as well as he was able to have a glimpse of what I had to go through (women at that) during childbirth and I think this new experience made him appreciate me more (and women at that) :D
Are you ready for more? Next, during recovery. I realized that after this experience, Mommies in Manila are very lucky because they are pampered! I mean with Liam before, I called the shots. The doctor will wait for you to be well before admitting you on your room, the doctor will give you a choice if you want the baby roomed-in after the birth. Here? Well, the time I spent in recovery was just, are you ready for this? less than 30 minutes! Yes! I was dizzy and all because of the exhaustion and the medicines' effect were starting to wear off...but the doctor kept on insisting that I can't sleep...because if I sleep it will take longer for me to be with my bub! Every five minutes or so the doctor in charge will ask me series of questions, like, can you feel this? Where am I touching you? etc. Feeling so very dizzy and weak I can just manage to nod my head...but she's not happy with that! I need to answer her questions, as in verbally answer her! That was the longest 30 minutes of my life! It was a real torture! After that 30 minutes and the doctor felt that I was ok already she gave instructions that I be put in my room already.
When I got into the room after 5 minutes, Alvin and Sam joined me already. That was around 3am already! I thought that Alvin will already be allowed to stay for the night, but no! AT 3:30 am he had to go home becuase it was the regulation of the hospital! Imagine, I had a major operation, a CS operation, I had 30 minutes of recovery and after that I was already responsible with my baby alone! As in all by myself! I was too tired to get emotional! The first night I was so thankful that Sam cooperated! I wasn't still functioning well and normally so I just cuddled her and slept. She slept on top of me (skin to skin contact which is actually good as well). By 6:30 am I awoke by the banging of utensils, apparently our breakfast is now being delivered. I was struggling because the morphine they gave me was wearing off and one side effect was that I kept on vomitting! Mind you Sam was with me and Alvin was still at home! I was so relieved when Alvin got back to the hospital. At least someone was there to give me the support and help that I truly needed! Things are starting to become a nightmare for me!
Bitin ba? That ends part 1, will share my part 2 next time :D
Aside from planning (and praying) for this pregnancy, this was my first time to get pregnant in a different place (Australia) with different people of different cultural backgrounds and different practices. When I started with my pre-natal check ups, I already had a feeling that the next nine months will be different. And true enough, aside from hubby not being with me almost all the time (there are no clinics on weekends when he is available) my doctor's sched was only on Tuesdays from 9 am to 11 am, I was also seen in less than 5 minutes for every check up. They do not perform an IE which they normally do in Manila. They do not touch the patient except of course when measuring the fundal height and listening to the Doppler. I specifically chose a Filipina doctor so it will be a lot easier for me and I will feel more at home. But lo and behold, on the day of my check up, two different doctors looked after me. Of couse, I asked towards the end of the session where was my doctor, and I found out that my doctor was already a consultant. She will not meet all the patients, only those who have real pressing problems in the pregnancy will be allowed to see her. Oh okay. Since everything was okay with me, they didn't see any need for me to see her. But in the succeeding sessions, when I had some questions and they were not sure about it, they'd leave me for a couple of minutes in the room to consult with the Filipina doctor. I almost forgot, in the nine months that I had my visits, every 3 or 4 weeks a new doctor was seeing me. It was frustrating on my part towards the end of the pregnancy since I found myself repeating and retelling the story and answers to questions previous doctors have already asked me (when in fact everything is already on my file)! And to top of it all, none of the doctors who saw me will be present on the day of my elective CS! How's that?! WHoever was on duty on the day of my CS will be the one in-charge of my operation, everything that this doctor should know about my case should be on the book/records.
Well, one very good thing about it though is that, in all nine months and my delivery included, we didn't shell out a single centavo! Yup, everything was for free! And for that we are thankful. It is a blessing whatever way you see it. I was just thinking, if I was in Manila I'm pretty sure I'd be working doubly hard to save for the day of my delivery. I wonder how much a CS operation now costs in Manila!
Next set of firsts: it was the first time that I was actually awake when my child was born. I did not do trial labor anymore but since my contractions were becoming more painful and regular and I was just a day away from my scheduled CS they decided to push through with my CS. I chose epidural among the medicines available, it means that only half of my body was numb and I will be awake during the procedure. It was a great experience to see my baby girl fresh out of my womb! Of course there was a feeling of tugging and pulling while being operated on but that is all part of the process. I enjoyed it!
Next, it was the first time that Alvin was with me althroughout the procedure! He saw me when the doctors started punching in those big needles...he saw me during the painful part, he saw baby Sam come out and he did not faint! hehehe I guess this was a bonding experience for the two of us as well as he was able to have a glimpse of what I had to go through (women at that) during childbirth and I think this new experience made him appreciate me more (and women at that) :D
Are you ready for more? Next, during recovery. I realized that after this experience, Mommies in Manila are very lucky because they are pampered! I mean with Liam before, I called the shots. The doctor will wait for you to be well before admitting you on your room, the doctor will give you a choice if you want the baby roomed-in after the birth. Here? Well, the time I spent in recovery was just, are you ready for this? less than 30 minutes! Yes! I was dizzy and all because of the exhaustion and the medicines' effect were starting to wear off...but the doctor kept on insisting that I can't sleep...because if I sleep it will take longer for me to be with my bub! Every five minutes or so the doctor in charge will ask me series of questions, like, can you feel this? Where am I touching you? etc. Feeling so very dizzy and weak I can just manage to nod my head...but she's not happy with that! I need to answer her questions, as in verbally answer her! That was the longest 30 minutes of my life! It was a real torture! After that 30 minutes and the doctor felt that I was ok already she gave instructions that I be put in my room already.
When I got into the room after 5 minutes, Alvin and Sam joined me already. That was around 3am already! I thought that Alvin will already be allowed to stay for the night, but no! AT 3:30 am he had to go home becuase it was the regulation of the hospital! Imagine, I had a major operation, a CS operation, I had 30 minutes of recovery and after that I was already responsible with my baby alone! As in all by myself! I was too tired to get emotional! The first night I was so thankful that Sam cooperated! I wasn't still functioning well and normally so I just cuddled her and slept. She slept on top of me (skin to skin contact which is actually good as well). By 6:30 am I awoke by the banging of utensils, apparently our breakfast is now being delivered. I was struggling because the morphine they gave me was wearing off and one side effect was that I kept on vomitting! Mind you Sam was with me and Alvin was still at home! I was so relieved when Alvin got back to the hospital. At least someone was there to give me the support and help that I truly needed! Things are starting to become a nightmare for me!
Bitin ba? That ends part 1, will share my part 2 next time :D
Saturday, November 20, 2010
prayers granted
I told you in one of my previous blogs that I will be updating you once something comes up...well, for one, Santa (oh the good Lord!) has granted my Christmas wish number one! Last Thursday, Alvin received the good news that his contract with BAT was extended! Thank you Lord, another answered prayer! And just like what I have written, once wish number 1 has been granted, wishes 2 to 4 will most probably be granted as well. But I am in no hurry. Even if I receive those gifts after Christmas, it will be perfectly fine with me.
Now my focus is to just give birth. All is set on Monday, the 22nd, 8am Sydney time (5am Manila time) and I know that once I step on the hospital grounds on Monday morning it will be the start of a whole new adventure! I have prayed that Sam comes out early, I was thinking that since Liam came out two weeks in advance, she might as well do the same. But no, I think Sam has decided to stay and wait for the day. Sometimes I find myself why this is taking too long and honestly I have been grunting already! Well, it was only in the last two days that I became cool about this whole waiting game...a little voice was telling me that I have to rest my worries first. Yes, up to this point, it is a struggle for me to rest my worries especially for the people whom I will be leaving at home, while I'm at the hospital. I worry for them, I worry for my son, I worry for my home. Talk about being a worry wart all over again! Well, can you blame me? I'm a mom and a wife! It was a good thing that was finally able to release my worries to my husband last night, I shared to him my thoughts and feelings of going to the hospital. His assurance that they will manage and they can live while I'm at the hospital made things better for me. Him telling me to make the most out of the time I'm at the hospital has assured me as well.
Well, so far so good. I think this Christmas will be a different Christmas and I better get ready as I officially start another colorful phase of my journey!
Now my focus is to just give birth. All is set on Monday, the 22nd, 8am Sydney time (5am Manila time) and I know that once I step on the hospital grounds on Monday morning it will be the start of a whole new adventure! I have prayed that Sam comes out early, I was thinking that since Liam came out two weeks in advance, she might as well do the same. But no, I think Sam has decided to stay and wait for the day. Sometimes I find myself why this is taking too long and honestly I have been grunting already! Well, it was only in the last two days that I became cool about this whole waiting game...a little voice was telling me that I have to rest my worries first. Yes, up to this point, it is a struggle for me to rest my worries especially for the people whom I will be leaving at home, while I'm at the hospital. I worry for them, I worry for my son, I worry for my home. Talk about being a worry wart all over again! Well, can you blame me? I'm a mom and a wife! It was a good thing that was finally able to release my worries to my husband last night, I shared to him my thoughts and feelings of going to the hospital. His assurance that they will manage and they can live while I'm at the hospital made things better for me. Him telling me to make the most out of the time I'm at the hospital has assured me as well.
Well, so far so good. I think this Christmas will be a different Christmas and I better get ready as I officially start another colorful phase of my journey!
Monday, November 15, 2010
etc., etc., etc.
Today is Monday. In one week's time, I'm scheduled to have my CS operation already for Baby Samantha. Wow, I got thru the last 9 months! What a journey it has been! Now while passing the time what have I been doing? Well all sorts of crazy things just as long as I can still physically manage it.
Well, this blog about my random thoughts again...one of the things I do while waiting for the big day...
it seems that wish number 3 will be granted! woohoo! alvin has already downloaded the manual of 3 camcorder models and he's comparing the specs already! everytime he does this, i'm pretty sure we'll end up buying the item...it's a practice he does just before buying an electronic budget woohoo!
it's been so freakin HOT the past days and it is such a relief that today it rained the entire day! of course, it's not actually a good day to do laundry (but we still did it anyway)...but who cares! I cherish the fact that I can sleep comfortably again tonight!
Manny Paquiao has a heart. I am no boxing fan but after watching his game with Margarito yesterday, I really admired him. I actually admired him for wanting to stop the game and deliberately slowing down towards the end of the game because he can already see the pain in his opponent's face! Way to go Manny!
tomorrow, I will have my last pre-natal check up and hubby will finally get to be with me! yehey!
liam played Wii with his cousins yesterday after the grown ups watched the fight of Manny P. and his Papa was so amused, he called me to let me see how Liam was doing, well, I think he called me because he had an different agenda, for me to see that Liam is enjoying the game and I might reconsider the decision of not having or buying a Wii or a play station at home, so my reaction? Asa ka pa! hehehe
just some of the things I wanted to share as I await for the BIG day...and when the big Day comes I am not sure how often I can still write on my blog :D
Well, this blog about my random thoughts again...one of the things I do while waiting for the big day...
it seems that wish number 3 will be granted! woohoo! alvin has already downloaded the manual of 3 camcorder models and he's comparing the specs already! everytime he does this, i'm pretty sure we'll end up buying the item...it's a practice he does just before buying an electronic budget woohoo!
it's been so freakin HOT the past days and it is such a relief that today it rained the entire day! of course, it's not actually a good day to do laundry (but we still did it anyway)...but who cares! I cherish the fact that I can sleep comfortably again tonight!
Manny Paquiao has a heart. I am no boxing fan but after watching his game with Margarito yesterday, I really admired him. I actually admired him for wanting to stop the game and deliberately slowing down towards the end of the game because he can already see the pain in his opponent's face! Way to go Manny!
tomorrow, I will have my last pre-natal check up and hubby will finally get to be with me! yehey!
liam played Wii with his cousins yesterday after the grown ups watched the fight of Manny P. and his Papa was so amused, he called me to let me see how Liam was doing, well, I think he called me because he had an different agenda, for me to see that Liam is enjoying the game and I might reconsider the decision of not having or buying a Wii or a play station at home, so my reaction? Asa ka pa! hehehe
just some of the things I wanted to share as I await for the BIG day...and when the big Day comes I am not sure how often I can still write on my blog :D
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Christmas Wishes (and Prayers)
Hmmm, who ever said Christmas wishes are only for kids? Well, if my Liam wants a toy piano this coming Christmas (which he will get), why can't I share my Christmas wishes as well? It's actually somewhere in between a Christmas wish and a Christmas prayer. As an adult, I do know that I may wish and pray all I want but I have no assurance that I will get all -- and I am very much okay with that. After all, it's free to wish, right?
So here it goes. I only want four things for Christmas:
First, a new job or an extension of my hubby's contract with BAT. His present contract expires on 19 December and there is a possibility that he will get another extension (as per our discussion last night), which we are both thankful for. If this thing does not push thru, there is another job offer waiting, still with a big and a well-established FMCG company, which is very near our place, unlike BAT. Now, whichever of the two will be given to us, we will be very thankful and grateful.
Second, another car for my family. Yes, the family is getting bigger and by the time Sam comes out, we won't fit in our car anymore. We are thinking of buying our first family car -- a seven-seater car -- which we can use with the Lolos and Lolas when they visit here. Of course, we'll still be keeping the first car that we have. It will be of great help to us, and to me especially, if I get to use any of the cars available, especially when my in-laws are back in Manila. A brand new car or a second-hand car? Does not really matter, it will all depend on God's (oh this is Christmas wishes right, so I better use Santa :D) answer or decision on wish number one.
Third, a new cam corder. Liam is fast growing up and Sam will soon join us. Yes, our mobile phones comes in very handy in documenting the milestones of our children during unguarded moments but I would want to document special occasions like school programs and the like using an appropriate equipment. Of course, Alvin wants a good quality of cam corder already which he can use with his hi-tech LCD TV. This area I leave it all to him, being a tech-ie guy. We can actually buy now, but we wouldn't want to touch on our savings, yet, until we have received a definite answer for wish number 1.
Lastly, a piece of jewelry for myself. I have invested a couple of pieces but everytime I see the catalogues, almost every week, I can't help but I wish I can buy one and add to my collection. I don't have much because even if they are a good investment, my heart tells me, in the end, I can't bring them all when I die. It might even be a cause of arguments or conflicts when I die. I would just like to add a piece or two on my collection for special occasions. Again, I can already buy one, but priorities will have to take place. And who knows, hubby might surprise me with one (but I doubt it, he is also not keen in investing on pieces of jewelry).
There you go, my four simple Christmas wishes. As you can see, wishes 2 to 4 all depend on wish number 1. If God grants wish number 1, there is a higher chance that I can also get the three other wishes. So bottomline, I hope Santa grants wish number 1! hehehe
Will I get all? Let's wait and see :D
So here it goes. I only want four things for Christmas:
First, a new job or an extension of my hubby's contract with BAT. His present contract expires on 19 December and there is a possibility that he will get another extension (as per our discussion last night), which we are both thankful for. If this thing does not push thru, there is another job offer waiting, still with a big and a well-established FMCG company, which is very near our place, unlike BAT. Now, whichever of the two will be given to us, we will be very thankful and grateful.
Second, another car for my family. Yes, the family is getting bigger and by the time Sam comes out, we won't fit in our car anymore. We are thinking of buying our first family car -- a seven-seater car -- which we can use with the Lolos and Lolas when they visit here. Of course, we'll still be keeping the first car that we have. It will be of great help to us, and to me especially, if I get to use any of the cars available, especially when my in-laws are back in Manila. A brand new car or a second-hand car? Does not really matter, it will all depend on God's (oh this is Christmas wishes right, so I better use Santa :D) answer or decision on wish number one.
Third, a new cam corder. Liam is fast growing up and Sam will soon join us. Yes, our mobile phones comes in very handy in documenting the milestones of our children during unguarded moments but I would want to document special occasions like school programs and the like using an appropriate equipment. Of course, Alvin wants a good quality of cam corder already which he can use with his hi-tech LCD TV. This area I leave it all to him, being a tech-ie guy. We can actually buy now, but we wouldn't want to touch on our savings, yet, until we have received a definite answer for wish number 1.
Lastly, a piece of jewelry for myself. I have invested a couple of pieces but everytime I see the catalogues, almost every week, I can't help but I wish I can buy one and add to my collection. I don't have much because even if they are a good investment, my heart tells me, in the end, I can't bring them all when I die. It might even be a cause of arguments or conflicts when I die. I would just like to add a piece or two on my collection for special occasions. Again, I can already buy one, but priorities will have to take place. And who knows, hubby might surprise me with one (but I doubt it, he is also not keen in investing on pieces of jewelry).
There you go, my four simple Christmas wishes. As you can see, wishes 2 to 4 all depend on wish number 1. If God grants wish number 1, there is a higher chance that I can also get the three other wishes. So bottomline, I hope Santa grants wish number 1! hehehe
Will I get all? Let's wait and see :D
Monday, November 8, 2010
Harmless Friendships?
Last week, while waiting for my turn on my usual pre-natal check-up, I chanced upon something interesting in the book I was reading. I was reading "Committed" by Elizabeth Gilbert (also of Eat.Pray.Love). I wanted to share it with Alvin right away but I had to wait until yesterday for me to read it to him. We were having a lazy Sunday afternoon and I really enjoyed our conversation, and our exchange of insights on the topic that I have just read to him.
So I'm posting that part of the book and hopefully, married people like us, can be more cautious when we form new friendships or continue to enrich "harmless friendships."
"But Glass, in her research, discovered that if you dig a little deeper into people's infidelities, you can almost always see how the affair started long before the first stolen kiss. Most affairs, begin, Glass wrote, when a husband or a wife makes a new friend, and an apparently harmless intimacy is born. You don't sense the danger as it's happening, because what is wrong with friendship? Why can't we have friends of the opposite sex -- or of the same sex, for that matter -- even if we are married?
The answer,as Dr. Glass explained, is that, nothing is wrong with a married person launching a friendship outside matrimony -- so as long as the "walls and windows" of the relationship remain in the correct places. It was Glass's theory that every healthy marriage is composed of walls and windows. The windows are the aspects of your relationship that are open to the world -- that is, the necessary gaps through which you interact with family and friends; the walls are the barriers of trust which you guard the most intimate secrets of your marriage.
What often happens, though, during so-called harmless friendships, is that you begin sharing intimacies with your new friend that belong hidden in your marriage. You reveal secrets about yourself -- your deepest yearnings and frustrations-- and it feels good to be so exposed. You throw open a window where there really ought to be a solid, weight-bearing wall, and soon you find yourself spilling out your secret heart with this new person. Not wanting your spouse to feel jealous, you keep the details of your new friendship hidden. In so doing, you have now created a problem: You have just built a wall between you and your spouse, where there ought to be free circulation of air and light. The entire architecture of your matrimonal intimacy has therefore been re-arranged. Every old wall is now a giant picture window; every old window is now boarded up like a crack house. You have just established the perfect blueprint for infidelity without even noticing."
"And it's true. You didn't see it coming. But you did build it and you could have stopped it if you'd acted faster. The moment you found yourself sharing secrets with a new friend that really ought to have belonged to your spouse, there was, according to Dr. Glass, a much smarter and more honest oath to be taken."
--from Committed, by Elizabeth Gilbert (Bloomsbury Publishing, Copyright 2010)
Now, what am I driving at? Well many thoughts came into my mind, the piece does not only refer to the hubbys (although, personally, I think that men, are more prone to having affairs within a marriage), wives can very much commit the mistake or fall into the trap as well (especially in cases where the wife discovers shortly after marriage that she really doesn't know the person she got married to...or in cases where the "truth" finally is discovered and the wife becomes disillusioned). Maybe, unlike with the males, the females are more "discreet" about what they feel towards a new male friend, afraid of what society might "label" them. Aside from this, divorce or separations are not as popular in our culture so even if the wife or hubby does feel something for the new friend, most of the time, they probabaly just keep it to themselves or they stick it out with the person they married until the end.
So does this mean we should all be paranoid with the old and new formed friendships with the opposite sex? I don't think so. Does this mean, we have to be on guard of our spouses (and ourselves at that) on the old and new friendships they (and we) have with the opposite sex? Probably. It was just actually a good read for me. It was one of the things Liz Gilbert and Felipe discussed first before they plunged into marriage, and I think, it's a good one. Well, if you are married or planning to get married, I also think, it's not yet too late to have a good discussion on each other's insights regarding this matter. I am no love guru but I think the point of all these is not only about love but more so of trust and how you can continue to protect the "walls and windows" of your marriage despite the so many temptations around us. Marriage, after all, is HARDWORK.
So I'm posting that part of the book and hopefully, married people like us, can be more cautious when we form new friendships or continue to enrich "harmless friendships."
"But Glass, in her research, discovered that if you dig a little deeper into people's infidelities, you can almost always see how the affair started long before the first stolen kiss. Most affairs, begin, Glass wrote, when a husband or a wife makes a new friend, and an apparently harmless intimacy is born. You don't sense the danger as it's happening, because what is wrong with friendship? Why can't we have friends of the opposite sex -- or of the same sex, for that matter -- even if we are married?
The answer,as Dr. Glass explained, is that, nothing is wrong with a married person launching a friendship outside matrimony -- so as long as the "walls and windows" of the relationship remain in the correct places. It was Glass's theory that every healthy marriage is composed of walls and windows. The windows are the aspects of your relationship that are open to the world -- that is, the necessary gaps through which you interact with family and friends; the walls are the barriers of trust which you guard the most intimate secrets of your marriage.
What often happens, though, during so-called harmless friendships, is that you begin sharing intimacies with your new friend that belong hidden in your marriage. You reveal secrets about yourself -- your deepest yearnings and frustrations-- and it feels good to be so exposed. You throw open a window where there really ought to be a solid, weight-bearing wall, and soon you find yourself spilling out your secret heart with this new person. Not wanting your spouse to feel jealous, you keep the details of your new friendship hidden. In so doing, you have now created a problem: You have just built a wall between you and your spouse, where there ought to be free circulation of air and light. The entire architecture of your matrimonal intimacy has therefore been re-arranged. Every old wall is now a giant picture window; every old window is now boarded up like a crack house. You have just established the perfect blueprint for infidelity without even noticing."
"And it's true. You didn't see it coming. But you did build it and you could have stopped it if you'd acted faster. The moment you found yourself sharing secrets with a new friend that really ought to have belonged to your spouse, there was, according to Dr. Glass, a much smarter and more honest oath to be taken."
--from Committed, by Elizabeth Gilbert (Bloomsbury Publishing, Copyright 2010)
Now, what am I driving at? Well many thoughts came into my mind, the piece does not only refer to the hubbys (although, personally, I think that men, are more prone to having affairs within a marriage), wives can very much commit the mistake or fall into the trap as well (especially in cases where the wife discovers shortly after marriage that she really doesn't know the person she got married to...or in cases where the "truth" finally is discovered and the wife becomes disillusioned). Maybe, unlike with the males, the females are more "discreet" about what they feel towards a new male friend, afraid of what society might "label" them. Aside from this, divorce or separations are not as popular in our culture so even if the wife or hubby does feel something for the new friend, most of the time, they probabaly just keep it to themselves or they stick it out with the person they married until the end.
So does this mean we should all be paranoid with the old and new formed friendships with the opposite sex? I don't think so. Does this mean, we have to be on guard of our spouses (and ourselves at that) on the old and new friendships they (and we) have with the opposite sex? Probably. It was just actually a good read for me. It was one of the things Liz Gilbert and Felipe discussed first before they plunged into marriage, and I think, it's a good one. Well, if you are married or planning to get married, I also think, it's not yet too late to have a good discussion on each other's insights regarding this matter. I am no love guru but I think the point of all these is not only about love but more so of trust and how you can continue to protect the "walls and windows" of your marriage despite the so many temptations around us. Marriage, after all, is HARDWORK.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Celebrations!
The past few days have been joyful and busy...and the comings weeks as well.
Last Saturday, there were many reasons to celebrate. One, it was Halloween and Liam was again in his costume. Last year, he was an angel. This year he was a Dracula.He was so "game" as shown in his pictures, he knows when to act in front of the camera and have his monster face! I loved taking his photos!
Two, last Saturday, it was a triple celebration -- Halloween Party for the CFC kids, my baby shower and my 32nd birthday. The weather cooperated. We were thankful that even if it did drizzle a little, the weather was not as rainy as they predicted it to be. And even if our home was just too little for all the well-wishers, I think everyone enjoyed the celebrations.
Third, the next day, Sunday, it was my Kuya's turn to celebrate (and treat us). We went to Parramatta and ate at Carne Station, a Korean BBQ Buffet Place. Ate a lot! Burp! The gang of 6 had a blast!
Now, it's November already! Christmas is just around the corner and on the first day of November, we decided to put up our Christmas tree and some Christmas decors! Liam is sooo excited!
And finally, 21 days froms now (or less), we will have our second bundle of joy, Andrea Samantha! No pictures to be posted yet. But as soon as she's here, you'll see her right away.
I am happy because these celebrations are all reflections of God's blessings! Looking forward to the coming days and the future celebrations!
Last Saturday, there were many reasons to celebrate. One, it was Halloween and Liam was again in his costume. Last year, he was an angel. This year he was a Dracula.He was so "game" as shown in his pictures, he knows when to act in front of the camera and have his monster face! I loved taking his photos!
Two, last Saturday, it was a triple celebration -- Halloween Party for the CFC kids, my baby shower and my 32nd birthday. The weather cooperated. We were thankful that even if it did drizzle a little, the weather was not as rainy as they predicted it to be. And even if our home was just too little for all the well-wishers, I think everyone enjoyed the celebrations.
Third, the next day, Sunday, it was my Kuya's turn to celebrate (and treat us). We went to Parramatta and ate at Carne Station, a Korean BBQ Buffet Place. Ate a lot! Burp! The gang of 6 had a blast!
Now, it's November already! Christmas is just around the corner and on the first day of November, we decided to put up our Christmas tree and some Christmas decors! Liam is sooo excited!
And finally, 21 days froms now (or less), we will have our second bundle of joy, Andrea Samantha! No pictures to be posted yet. But as soon as she's here, you'll see her right away.
I am happy because these celebrations are all reflections of God's blessings! Looking forward to the coming days and the future celebrations!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
The Poet in Me
It's been raining (actually, it's just a continuous soft drizzle that has been pouring)since yesterday afternoon and this morning while I was ironing Alvin's uniforms, I suddenly remembered that back in Manila, if the weather is like this, I used to produce and compose my very own poems. But don't think my poems are like the poems of the hard-core poets.Nope, nothing like that.
I got some files organized and since our box is open already, I took one of my "file folders" and got the copy of the poems I composed years ago. It's nice to re-read them again and realize that once upon a time, I was actually capable of composing poems. (My writing actually started with the Literary Section of the school paper when I was just in Year 5. It's just sad that I wasn't able to keep a copy of that edition of the school paper).
So now, I am sharing some of the poems I have composed. No titles this time though.I hope though that my literary skills are still not rusty and soon I'd still be able to compose poems again.
The shyness in my eyes
The glimmer in your eyes
Can't help but stare
Can't help but share
Share this love I feel inside
Though it's hard
I'll be by your side
I will be strong
When you are weak
I will be there
Till you reach your peak
/jmqs
****
I miss the smell of summer
Were the freshness of flowers were everywhere
Now it rains and I am left here in wander
What happened to that breeze
While we were still together?
Where are the flowers
Now that it is summer?
We can't play, we can't run
As long as the rain is here and not the sun
It's new to us that is true
But just like them we need to be new
On with our lives
Till the old summer makes us all wise
/jmqs
****
Sometimes I see people together
And wonder why they don't end up with each other
I ask myself whether
We'll end up hurting each other
I hear stories
Of people who dared not try
And it only caused miseries
That made them cry
/jmqs
****
Tears...joy...
happiness...sorrow...
people cry...
people laugh...
people love...
people live...
/jmqs
****
A new dawn is on it's way
to give hope and a future
to take away the pain and frustrations
the angusih...the sorrow..the loneliness...
The cold breeze gives me warmth
as the day opens anew
Refreshing everything, cleansing every part
preparing my soul
to the next battle of my soul...
/jmqs
There you go, just some of the poems I have composed. Told you, I am no hard-core poet, but still it's nce to know that there is (or has been?) a poet in me.
I got some files organized and since our box is open already, I took one of my "file folders" and got the copy of the poems I composed years ago. It's nice to re-read them again and realize that once upon a time, I was actually capable of composing poems. (My writing actually started with the Literary Section of the school paper when I was just in Year 5. It's just sad that I wasn't able to keep a copy of that edition of the school paper).
So now, I am sharing some of the poems I have composed. No titles this time though.I hope though that my literary skills are still not rusty and soon I'd still be able to compose poems again.
The shyness in my eyes
The glimmer in your eyes
Can't help but stare
Can't help but share
Share this love I feel inside
Though it's hard
I'll be by your side
I will be strong
When you are weak
I will be there
Till you reach your peak
/jmqs
****
I miss the smell of summer
Were the freshness of flowers were everywhere
Now it rains and I am left here in wander
What happened to that breeze
While we were still together?
Where are the flowers
Now that it is summer?
We can't play, we can't run
As long as the rain is here and not the sun
It's new to us that is true
But just like them we need to be new
On with our lives
Till the old summer makes us all wise
/jmqs
****
Sometimes I see people together
And wonder why they don't end up with each other
I ask myself whether
We'll end up hurting each other
I hear stories
Of people who dared not try
And it only caused miseries
That made them cry
/jmqs
****
Tears...joy...
happiness...sorrow...
people cry...
people laugh...
people love...
people live...
/jmqs
****
A new dawn is on it's way
to give hope and a future
to take away the pain and frustrations
the angusih...the sorrow..the loneliness...
The cold breeze gives me warmth
as the day opens anew
Refreshing everything, cleansing every part
preparing my soul
to the next battle of my soul...
/jmqs
There you go, just some of the poems I have composed. Told you, I am no hard-core poet, but still it's nce to know that there is (or has been?) a poet in me.
Friday, October 22, 2010
If Only For the Kids
My birthday is fast approaching and it only means one thing -- Halloween is also fast approaching! It's the time of the year again when we see too much of ghosts, monsters, pumpkins, bats and the other scary stuff! Well, this year, it will not only be my birthday and halloween, but it will also be my baby shower.
As I have mentioned on one of my blogs, my CFC friends have organized a double celebration on my birthday. But aside from that, they are planning to have Trick or Treat as well for the kids, who are anyway present on the occasion (you know, no yayas to leave them with). At first, I didn't want to do anything, I was thinking, "hey, it's my day, so I won't lift a finger in helping in the preparations, it's my baby shower right?" But the organizer and the mom in me ruled over. Yes, I would want to be pampered and do nothing on that day (I even don't want to cook!), but more than that, I would want the kids, with my kid, to have an enjoyable time as well. So here I am now, eating my words.
I went to the shops today and bought the lollies, prizes for the games, and the house decors! Pumpkins, bats, witches, scary jellies, giant lollies! I have listed down the games for the kids and how many winners will there be for each game. I am excited to make our garden, one scary garden even for one day! Yes, I would still want it to be "my day" ...but hey, if only for the kids' laughters and happy faces, I can very much and willingly, give that up.
I just hope the weather cooperates...please Lord, let the weather be fine...if only for the kids ;)
As I have mentioned on one of my blogs, my CFC friends have organized a double celebration on my birthday. But aside from that, they are planning to have Trick or Treat as well for the kids, who are anyway present on the occasion (you know, no yayas to leave them with). At first, I didn't want to do anything, I was thinking, "hey, it's my day, so I won't lift a finger in helping in the preparations, it's my baby shower right?" But the organizer and the mom in me ruled over. Yes, I would want to be pampered and do nothing on that day (I even don't want to cook!), but more than that, I would want the kids, with my kid, to have an enjoyable time as well. So here I am now, eating my words.
I went to the shops today and bought the lollies, prizes for the games, and the house decors! Pumpkins, bats, witches, scary jellies, giant lollies! I have listed down the games for the kids and how many winners will there be for each game. I am excited to make our garden, one scary garden even for one day! Yes, I would still want it to be "my day" ...but hey, if only for the kids' laughters and happy faces, I can very much and willingly, give that up.
I just hope the weather cooperates...please Lord, let the weather be fine...if only for the kids ;)
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
My 2nd Journey on Pregnancy
I just came from my 34th week check-up and my CS operation has been scheduled already on 22 November. This check-up was a bit different because it took longer than usual. WHy? Because, we had to make my birth plan already. A lot of questions and explanations, a lot of procedures to be done in order to make sure all is set for the big day.
***
I am adjusting. For one, it is my first pregnancy here in Australia. So I still miss the TLC given to me by my OB back in Manila. There are a lot of SOPs which you have to do on your own. Alvin, was not able to join me in almost all of my check-ups because my doctors schedule is only Tuesdays 9 to 11 am. It was too late when we learned that we could have chosen a doctor who is scheduled after office hours, so Alvin could have joined me.
***
I was asked if I wanted to have tubal ligation already on the day of my operation. Wow. So straight forward. Good thing I didn't have to decide right there and then. That needs a discussion between me and Alvin.
***
Midline cut again or bikini cut this time? Two opposing views. Which heals faster? Which will be easier for me?
***
My BP is still normal even if they still see a + trace of protein in my urine. A good sign. Hopefully it will still be normal until Sam comes out.
***
My journey for this pregnancy is almost over and I am but thankful that despite the rough start, I am still well. Baby's kicks are ok, size is okay as well. We haven't spent a single centavo on any of her baby equipment because of friends who have handed down their still new baby equipment.
***
Free CS delivery, baby bonus and not a single centavo to be spent as well on all her vaccinations. Who wouldn't be very thankful for that :)
***
Last 3? 4? 5 weeks? There are very bad days and painful days and exhausting days. There are good days, lazy days and exciting days. Sometimes I get peeved because I don't have any clothes left that fits on the belly area! (I am peeved because I don't want to spend anymore on clothes!) But bottomline, I think I can manage the last 3? 4? 5 weeks already.
***
I am adjusting. For one, it is my first pregnancy here in Australia. So I still miss the TLC given to me by my OB back in Manila. There are a lot of SOPs which you have to do on your own. Alvin, was not able to join me in almost all of my check-ups because my doctors schedule is only Tuesdays 9 to 11 am. It was too late when we learned that we could have chosen a doctor who is scheduled after office hours, so Alvin could have joined me.
***
I was asked if I wanted to have tubal ligation already on the day of my operation. Wow. So straight forward. Good thing I didn't have to decide right there and then. That needs a discussion between me and Alvin.
***
Midline cut again or bikini cut this time? Two opposing views. Which heals faster? Which will be easier for me?
***
My BP is still normal even if they still see a + trace of protein in my urine. A good sign. Hopefully it will still be normal until Sam comes out.
***
My journey for this pregnancy is almost over and I am but thankful that despite the rough start, I am still well. Baby's kicks are ok, size is okay as well. We haven't spent a single centavo on any of her baby equipment because of friends who have handed down their still new baby equipment.
***
Free CS delivery, baby bonus and not a single centavo to be spent as well on all her vaccinations. Who wouldn't be very thankful for that :)
***
Last 3? 4? 5 weeks? There are very bad days and painful days and exhausting days. There are good days, lazy days and exciting days. Sometimes I get peeved because I don't have any clothes left that fits on the belly area! (I am peeved because I don't want to spend anymore on clothes!) But bottomline, I think I can manage the last 3? 4? 5 weeks already.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Liam at 2 year and 9 months
Looking at my son now, I can't help but be amazed because sometimes, he doesn't act or sometimes doesn't talk like a two year old. He speaks complete sentences already (correct grammar at that) and asks questions which always starts with "why?" Last June (I just forgot to upload it sooner) I got his half-year Developmental Report from his school. And I am quite happy that his teachers have the same observations as we have. 
Now, after almost 4 months, we are trying to address his weakness in his gross-motor skills by giving him more chances to play with his soccer ball with his cousins and Papa. We think that his swimming classes every weekend also helps address this. Yesterday, I was so proud with him when he finally jumped off the pool, all by himself, without the teacher holding his hand, overcoming all his fears! I know it was a great achievement for him and I am glad both me and his Papa were present to witness it.
He also amazes me because, at two, he also likes to play "prayer meeting-prayer meeting" with us or with his grandparents. He likes going with us during our weekly households and now he has some favorite worship songs already.
I remember uploading a video of him early this year doing some form of "worship" but at that time we couldn't even understand the lyrics of the songs he was singing.
But there are some days that I worry for him. What do I worry about? Hmmm, some little things that I know would matter someday -- how do we teach him to become resilient? (living in a 1st-world country allows them to get things easily, no major problems encountered, unlike us, his parents, when we were still Manila). How do we teach him the value of saving? (When what they need are easily available and served to them on a silver platter?) How do we teach him the value of appreciating the smallest thing or be thankful for the smallest blessing?
Such worries are sometimes the topic of our little chats as a couple/parents. But I felt good hearing the last verse of the Gospel today: "Don't worry about tomorrow, because today has enough troubles of its own."
Now, after almost 4 months, we are trying to address his weakness in his gross-motor skills by giving him more chances to play with his soccer ball with his cousins and Papa. We think that his swimming classes every weekend also helps address this. Yesterday, I was so proud with him when he finally jumped off the pool, all by himself, without the teacher holding his hand, overcoming all his fears! I know it was a great achievement for him and I am glad both me and his Papa were present to witness it.
He also amazes me because, at two, he also likes to play "prayer meeting-prayer meeting" with us or with his grandparents. He likes going with us during our weekly households and now he has some favorite worship songs already.
I remember uploading a video of him early this year doing some form of "worship" but at that time we couldn't even understand the lyrics of the songs he was singing.
But there are some days that I worry for him. What do I worry about? Hmmm, some little things that I know would matter someday -- how do we teach him to become resilient? (living in a 1st-world country allows them to get things easily, no major problems encountered, unlike us, his parents, when we were still Manila). How do we teach him the value of saving? (When what they need are easily available and served to them on a silver platter?) How do we teach him the value of appreciating the smallest thing or be thankful for the smallest blessing?
Such worries are sometimes the topic of our little chats as a couple/parents. But I felt good hearing the last verse of the Gospel today: "Don't worry about tomorrow, because today has enough troubles of its own."
Early Birthday Present
Two weeks from now I'll be turning a year older. Since my friends decided to have a double celebration on that day -- my baby shower and my birthday celebration as well, it means that Alvin and I won't have the time all to ourselves.
Since my in-laws are here, he decided to have a simple way of celebrating my birthday with just the two of us.
No fancy things and no dramas, just a simple movie date and giving me my birthday present two weeks ahead of time. :) After being with him for almost a decade, I know that he's not the type who makes "bawi" ...he tries his best day in and day out to make the day special...so when a special day comes, dramas and surprises are not needed anymore (same belief as Lucy Torres - Gomez). Opposite of me? In a way, yes. Hehehe
Thanks Papa for our "us" time yesterday and for the "gift of time"
Since my in-laws are here, he decided to have a simple way of celebrating my birthday with just the two of us.
No fancy things and no dramas, just a simple movie date and giving me my birthday present two weeks ahead of time. :) After being with him for almost a decade, I know that he's not the type who makes "bawi" ...he tries his best day in and day out to make the day special...so when a special day comes, dramas and surprises are not needed anymore (same belief as Lucy Torres - Gomez). Opposite of me? In a way, yes. Hehehe
Thanks Papa for our "us" time yesterday and for the "gift of time"
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Me and My Emotions
This is not the best time to write about my emotions. For one, I am pregnant, which means that I am more emotional than the usual because all my hormones are acting up. Yes, I do find myself acting up as well. Easily crying over the simplest thing that makes me sad or upset. But I am trying to control my emotions not wanting my daughter to imbibe the negative feelings I have. As they say, it will be harder for me if she does come out and becomes cranky and emotional as well.
Well, last Sunday, through our community, there was a Women's forum that was organized for the wives and widows and the separated ones. It talked about the emotions of women and how to address it. It was good in a sense because it gave me ideas not only on how to control my emotions but how to address my emotions as well. It was also a blessing that during those days, I was reading the book Eat.Pray.Love and was actually on the part were she was trying to find balance in her life as well. I found the book interesting because I can very much relate to the author during those times that she tries to address her emotions and tries to make them settle. No, my life is not dramatic as hers (the author of the book) but I feel there were good points that were raised in the book that I can very much use in my life.
So now, I can say that I am a work in progress as regards to how I deal with my emotions. I already choose my battles and hopefully, whenever I find myself being emotional again, I can do the right approaches like what I have heard and read, and God-willing end up not really avoiding or repressing the emotion, but dealing with it the way it should have been dealt.
Well, last Sunday, through our community, there was a Women's forum that was organized for the wives and widows and the separated ones. It talked about the emotions of women and how to address it. It was good in a sense because it gave me ideas not only on how to control my emotions but how to address my emotions as well. It was also a blessing that during those days, I was reading the book Eat.Pray.Love and was actually on the part were she was trying to find balance in her life as well. I found the book interesting because I can very much relate to the author during those times that she tries to address her emotions and tries to make them settle. No, my life is not dramatic as hers (the author of the book) but I feel there were good points that were raised in the book that I can very much use in my life.
So now, I can say that I am a work in progress as regards to how I deal with my emotions. I already choose my battles and hopefully, whenever I find myself being emotional again, I can do the right approaches like what I have heard and read, and God-willing end up not really avoiding or repressing the emotion, but dealing with it the way it should have been dealt.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The Year That Was 2010
Two of my friends have already started to make their year-in-review of how this year went. I can totally agree that it is still 2 and a half more months before we call the year over, but it is indeed a nice practice to stop and reflect how the year went. So now, I'm doing my own year-in-review to the year that was 2010.
It started out big and I think it will end big as well. January of 2010 we finally got a place of our own and moved out from my Kuya's house, where we stayed for almost 9 months. March 2010, it was confirmed that I am expecting our second-child. Fall was spent trying to cope with the discomforts of pregnancy for the first trimester. Quality time was spent as well with my parents. Winter, Alvin got a new job. Finally, he was able to penetrate the mainstream in the field of Mechanical Engineering. After two jobs and 1 year and two months of sacrifice and constant prayers, our prayers were granted. Spring, more casual work for me. Time is also now being spent with Alvin's parents, as they are to spend 5 months with us. Now as the year comes to a close, our second-child, a baby girl this time, will finally be born!
It is still too early to end this blog because a lot of things can still happen in two and a half months. But all in all, it was a good year. There were trying times, but as they say, every trial is an opportunity, and every opportunity is a blessing. I am keeping my hopes up and I am keeping the faith, that this year will end good and that the coming year will be more joyful and blessed (amidst problems and trials and challenges).
Merry Christmas everyone and Happy New Year!
May we all be continually be blessed especially in 2011!
It started out big and I think it will end big as well. January of 2010 we finally got a place of our own and moved out from my Kuya's house, where we stayed for almost 9 months. March 2010, it was confirmed that I am expecting our second-child. Fall was spent trying to cope with the discomforts of pregnancy for the first trimester. Quality time was spent as well with my parents. Winter, Alvin got a new job. Finally, he was able to penetrate the mainstream in the field of Mechanical Engineering. After two jobs and 1 year and two months of sacrifice and constant prayers, our prayers were granted. Spring, more casual work for me. Time is also now being spent with Alvin's parents, as they are to spend 5 months with us. Now as the year comes to a close, our second-child, a baby girl this time, will finally be born!
It is still too early to end this blog because a lot of things can still happen in two and a half months. But all in all, it was a good year. There were trying times, but as they say, every trial is an opportunity, and every opportunity is a blessing. I am keeping my hopes up and I am keeping the faith, that this year will end good and that the coming year will be more joyful and blessed (amidst problems and trials and challenges).
Merry Christmas everyone and Happy New Year!
May we all be continually be blessed especially in 2011!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Friends as Lovers
Alvin and I started out as friends and I am so thankful. My failed relationship (relationships? hehehe) prior to meeting him probably lacked the friendship factor. We met through common friends and the first time we met he really didn't get a good impression on me. First, on our way to our common friend's gig, we almost hit another car in UP and of course I heard him curse the driver. Next, I learned right away that he was a Frat member. So no way am I going to be friends with this guy.
On our friend's gig he was busy and seemed to enjoy the company of my other female friend, of course I had our other friends as well that night so it didn't matter if we talked or not.
Nakakatawa minsan ang tadhana pero, as they say, God's ways are not our ways. To make the long story short, we found ourselves (together with 2 other female friends) constantly going out until his "crush" left for abroad. Now, left with another female friend, we still continued to hang out until it was time for him to go to Japan for six months. During the time he brings me home after a gimik, my sister would often tease me. But I'd deny it telling her and trying to convince her that we are just friends. Just that. I am sure of that. A week before he left, I admit, he was starting to have a soft spot in my heart (though I was still nursing a very broken heart at that time), because he is soooo good. Ang bait. Of course I didn't pay attention to what I was feeling. Admiration is not harmful.
While in Japan, we exchanged e-mails. He shared stories of how life has been and his self-discoveries. Most of which were focused on a girl best friend who was slowly starting to be more than a best friend for him. So in short, we had "love notes." I was telling him my stories and updates regarding my relationship. I'd give him the girl's point of view and constantly tried to lift his spirits whenever something not good happens regarding his dilemma. The funny thing was, when my email was so full already I asked his helped (being a late bloomer with the internet and all) in fixing my e-mails. Ayun, he got to read all, as in all of the emails of my ex to me! So there was something to tease about again.
When he got home from Japan, kala ko, mag-iiba, but he continued to keep in touch with me and another female friend. We continued to hang out and share stories. I think I was with him when the "big no" was already given by his female best friend. He was also there when I finally decided that I needed to move on with my life already. We burned our phone lines! As in, telebabad galore! Talking about how our day went and much more.
I won't elaborate anymore what had happened (that's another story and longer one), but through phone calls almost every night and meetings 2-3 times a week, the two of us were surprised to find ourselves feeling something different towards the other, much more than friendship. I can't be thankful enough that we knew each other's attitudes first (no pretentions whatsoever), before we decided to take the risk -- of risking our friendship in favor of a boy-girl relationship. I am thankful that we knew of each other's moods and likes and dislikes, and dreams and hopes and plans for the future, opinion on faith on politics, on everything under the sun, before we took the next step. I am glad that we knew each other well first, well in the sense that even if one does not talk, we already know what goes inside his head or what the other is feeling. I am thankful that we got to say whatever we liked to say even if it hurts already (hey, true friends are supposed to be there to remind you and say things to you, rub things on your face, even if you don't want to hear it right?)
Now that we are already married, it sometimes occurs to me what would have happened if we were not friends to start with. Maybe, just maybe, we would not end up together. I'd probably see myself trying too much and end up making trial and error.Now when things don't go well for us as a couple, I can say that it helps that we can separate ourselves from our role as a spouse and become a friend first. We see the problem in a different angle and gets to understand the other better. Looking at our parents now, and seeing that they are so near at the "empty nest stage" in their lives, I can't help but realize that friendship is indeed the best foundation for any relationship. When the time comes whe all our children have grown and it's just the two of us again whose left, I think friendship will still play a vital role. In the end it will be just the two of us again. If we are not friends, I don;t know how we'll spend the rest of our lives together. I am glad I took the risk. I am glad we took the risk. The challenge now is how do we maintain the friendship in our relationship? That is another story :)
On our friend's gig he was busy and seemed to enjoy the company of my other female friend, of course I had our other friends as well that night so it didn't matter if we talked or not.
Nakakatawa minsan ang tadhana pero, as they say, God's ways are not our ways. To make the long story short, we found ourselves (together with 2 other female friends) constantly going out until his "crush" left for abroad. Now, left with another female friend, we still continued to hang out until it was time for him to go to Japan for six months. During the time he brings me home after a gimik, my sister would often tease me. But I'd deny it telling her and trying to convince her that we are just friends. Just that. I am sure of that. A week before he left, I admit, he was starting to have a soft spot in my heart (though I was still nursing a very broken heart at that time), because he is soooo good. Ang bait. Of course I didn't pay attention to what I was feeling. Admiration is not harmful.
While in Japan, we exchanged e-mails. He shared stories of how life has been and his self-discoveries. Most of which were focused on a girl best friend who was slowly starting to be more than a best friend for him. So in short, we had "love notes." I was telling him my stories and updates regarding my relationship. I'd give him the girl's point of view and constantly tried to lift his spirits whenever something not good happens regarding his dilemma. The funny thing was, when my email was so full already I asked his helped (being a late bloomer with the internet and all) in fixing my e-mails. Ayun, he got to read all, as in all of the emails of my ex to me! So there was something to tease about again.
When he got home from Japan, kala ko, mag-iiba, but he continued to keep in touch with me and another female friend. We continued to hang out and share stories. I think I was with him when the "big no" was already given by his female best friend. He was also there when I finally decided that I needed to move on with my life already. We burned our phone lines! As in, telebabad galore! Talking about how our day went and much more.
I won't elaborate anymore what had happened (that's another story and longer one), but through phone calls almost every night and meetings 2-3 times a week, the two of us were surprised to find ourselves feeling something different towards the other, much more than friendship. I can't be thankful enough that we knew each other's attitudes first (no pretentions whatsoever), before we decided to take the risk -- of risking our friendship in favor of a boy-girl relationship. I am thankful that we knew of each other's moods and likes and dislikes, and dreams and hopes and plans for the future, opinion on faith on politics, on everything under the sun, before we took the next step. I am glad that we knew each other well first, well in the sense that even if one does not talk, we already know what goes inside his head or what the other is feeling. I am thankful that we got to say whatever we liked to say even if it hurts already (hey, true friends are supposed to be there to remind you and say things to you, rub things on your face, even if you don't want to hear it right?)
Now that we are already married, it sometimes occurs to me what would have happened if we were not friends to start with. Maybe, just maybe, we would not end up together. I'd probably see myself trying too much and end up making trial and error.Now when things don't go well for us as a couple, I can say that it helps that we can separate ourselves from our role as a spouse and become a friend first. We see the problem in a different angle and gets to understand the other better. Looking at our parents now, and seeing that they are so near at the "empty nest stage" in their lives, I can't help but realize that friendship is indeed the best foundation for any relationship. When the time comes whe all our children have grown and it's just the two of us again whose left, I think friendship will still play a vital role. In the end it will be just the two of us again. If we are not friends, I don;t know how we'll spend the rest of our lives together. I am glad I took the risk. I am glad we took the risk. The challenge now is how do we maintain the friendship in our relationship? That is another story :)
My Kuya Story
I remember mentioning in one of my recent blog entries about my Kuya Story. I didn't elaborate much then because the blog focused on me and my Ate. ANd now, since it is our birth month, I'm taking the time out to write and share my Kuya story.
I remember a friend and a former co-teacher that mentioned that they prefer a girl for their first-born because generally, girls are more responsible. They said whoever is the first in the family will really play a big role on how the younger siblings will act. I am a girl and I can say I agree with them that girls seem and are indeed more responsible (hehe sorry guys) but I disagree when they said their gender preference for their first-born. Why? Because probably I have been blessed with a responsible Kuya (and my husband is a first-born as well, who is also a very, very responsible and disciplined man as well).
While growing up, I experienced being compared to him maybe because among the girls, I was the one who also showed promise in the field of academics like my Kuya. This probably the reason why I harbored some ill feelings towards my parents (especially my Mama, but happy to say that I'm way over that already, it was their way to bring out the best in me :)). The height of the competition reached its peak when I got to high school and I tried in vain to get the same awards and achievements my Kuya had when he was in high school. It didn't help that we both went on the same school and most of our teachers were the same. Award after award, it was till not enough and I was getting tired! But despite all of these (and him being Mama's favorite hehehe)he didn't abuse it, meaning he didn't abuse the fact that he was my mom's favorite. During times of argument with my parents and I'd end up crying, he'd be the one to console me and process the entire thing. I felt loved.
Birthdays have been an issue as well. I always felt my Mom was more excited with what to do with his birthday, considering that my birthday goes first. I on the 30th and him on the 31st. But as I have mentioned that's a thing of the past now. Now, we usually celebrate our birthdays together.
Our similarities does not end in our achievements. As my sister-in-law (my Kuya's wife)told Alvin when we stayed at their home last year, she has never seen two people, being sooo similar in practices, mannerisms, attitudes and the like. Of course, she was referring to me and my Kuya. Okay, okay, I admit he has more charisma than I do hehehe :)
I really look up to him. He has touched my life and inspired me to do my best in everything that I do. When blessings come in, he is a constant reminder that we should share those blessings and be reminded always of the people who have been instruments of those blessings. I won't elaborate the things that he has done for the family (friends and relatives at that) but if people will only know all these stories I'm sure he'd have a fans club of his own. He is a very generous (this is one aspect I can't follow hahaha but I'm trying!) and selfless man. He never gets tired of helping family and even friends who are in need. That is why I think the blessings that they receive are endless as well. I am pretty sure my parents, just like me and my other siblings are very proud of what he has become now. He himself had a very colorful journey! I am sure, humble that he is, he wouldn't want the things he has been through and what he has brought to the family be announced to the whole world (baka sakalin niya ako when I publish it). But I will remember. And we will remember.
I am blessed to have a Kuya like him. I thank God that He chose him to be my Kuya. Happy Birthday Kuya! We love you!
I remember a friend and a former co-teacher that mentioned that they prefer a girl for their first-born because generally, girls are more responsible. They said whoever is the first in the family will really play a big role on how the younger siblings will act. I am a girl and I can say I agree with them that girls seem and are indeed more responsible (hehe sorry guys) but I disagree when they said their gender preference for their first-born. Why? Because probably I have been blessed with a responsible Kuya (and my husband is a first-born as well, who is also a very, very responsible and disciplined man as well).
While growing up, I experienced being compared to him maybe because among the girls, I was the one who also showed promise in the field of academics like my Kuya. This probably the reason why I harbored some ill feelings towards my parents (especially my Mama, but happy to say that I'm way over that already, it was their way to bring out the best in me :)). The height of the competition reached its peak when I got to high school and I tried in vain to get the same awards and achievements my Kuya had when he was in high school. It didn't help that we both went on the same school and most of our teachers were the same. Award after award, it was till not enough and I was getting tired! But despite all of these (and him being Mama's favorite hehehe)he didn't abuse it, meaning he didn't abuse the fact that he was my mom's favorite. During times of argument with my parents and I'd end up crying, he'd be the one to console me and process the entire thing. I felt loved.
Birthdays have been an issue as well. I always felt my Mom was more excited with what to do with his birthday, considering that my birthday goes first. I on the 30th and him on the 31st. But as I have mentioned that's a thing of the past now. Now, we usually celebrate our birthdays together.
Our similarities does not end in our achievements. As my sister-in-law (my Kuya's wife)told Alvin when we stayed at their home last year, she has never seen two people, being sooo similar in practices, mannerisms, attitudes and the like. Of course, she was referring to me and my Kuya. Okay, okay, I admit he has more charisma than I do hehehe :)
I really look up to him. He has touched my life and inspired me to do my best in everything that I do. When blessings come in, he is a constant reminder that we should share those blessings and be reminded always of the people who have been instruments of those blessings. I won't elaborate the things that he has done for the family (friends and relatives at that) but if people will only know all these stories I'm sure he'd have a fans club of his own. He is a very generous (this is one aspect I can't follow hahaha but I'm trying!) and selfless man. He never gets tired of helping family and even friends who are in need. That is why I think the blessings that they receive are endless as well. I am pretty sure my parents, just like me and my other siblings are very proud of what he has become now. He himself had a very colorful journey! I am sure, humble that he is, he wouldn't want the things he has been through and what he has brought to the family be announced to the whole world (baka sakalin niya ako when I publish it). But I will remember. And we will remember.
I am blessed to have a Kuya like him. I thank God that He chose him to be my Kuya. Happy Birthday Kuya! We love you!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Nesting
In 7 or 8 weeks' time I will give birth to our second child, Andrea Samantha, and for the past weeks now, I have found myself nesting.
Baby books describe it as the preparations of parents-to-be in anticipation of the arrival of the newest addition to the family.
Sometimes, I find myself already exhausted at the end of the day and the worse thing is after everything that I have done, I still find so many things to prepare before the big day! It's not that easy anymore considering that I have additional 12-13 kilos with me everytime I move around and try to do some errands. Good thing I haven't found driving the car hard to do up to this point. It's still a necessity.
What have kept me super busy the past days?
Preparing the Mommy and Baby bags
Sterilizing the bottles that might be used
Sorting out the clothes and hand me-down clothes of Sam and Liam
Cleaning the baby equipment that Sam will be using -- there's just too many of them! -- changing table, cot, bassinet, stroller with capsule, etc
Errands at home to be done and to be attended to while I am in the hospital
My pending requirements with my two-year Certificate course
Listing down of to-do's
Sorting of important papers
Preparing and labeling the bed sheets, clothes, etc while I'm at the hospital.
Preparation of the Christmas gifts
The LBC box that we sent to Manila, shopping for its contents and labelling, packing it.
The errands I'm asking my Mom to do for me in Manila
Looking at the list now, it seems so short. It is short. But hey, these activities seemed not as simple as it used to. Maybe bacause aside from these, I still help out in the chores at home (even if Alvin and my in-laws are trying their best to help)..I still clean the house every now and then, I do the laundry, I keep the washed clothes, I iron the clothes. And the hardest of them all, caring for a 2 year old -- who happens to be my son!
Good thing I have the internet to give me my much-needed break or the books that I have as well. It gives me the break and the time-out that I need in order to keep me sane. I want to give birth already but sometimes I think, which will be easier, doing all these things or doing more things because the baby is out already! So I go slow on what I pray for hehe
Can wait to get over all of these!
Baby books describe it as the preparations of parents-to-be in anticipation of the arrival of the newest addition to the family.
Sometimes, I find myself already exhausted at the end of the day and the worse thing is after everything that I have done, I still find so many things to prepare before the big day! It's not that easy anymore considering that I have additional 12-13 kilos with me everytime I move around and try to do some errands. Good thing I haven't found driving the car hard to do up to this point. It's still a necessity.
What have kept me super busy the past days?
Preparing the Mommy and Baby bags
Sterilizing the bottles that might be used
Sorting out the clothes and hand me-down clothes of Sam and Liam
Cleaning the baby equipment that Sam will be using -- there's just too many of them! -- changing table, cot, bassinet, stroller with capsule, etc
Errands at home to be done and to be attended to while I am in the hospital
My pending requirements with my two-year Certificate course
Listing down of to-do's
Sorting of important papers
Preparing and labeling the bed sheets, clothes, etc while I'm at the hospital.
Preparation of the Christmas gifts
The LBC box that we sent to Manila, shopping for its contents and labelling, packing it.
The errands I'm asking my Mom to do for me in Manila
Looking at the list now, it seems so short. It is short. But hey, these activities seemed not as simple as it used to. Maybe bacause aside from these, I still help out in the chores at home (even if Alvin and my in-laws are trying their best to help)..I still clean the house every now and then, I do the laundry, I keep the washed clothes, I iron the clothes. And the hardest of them all, caring for a 2 year old -- who happens to be my son!
Good thing I have the internet to give me my much-needed break or the books that I have as well. It gives me the break and the time-out that I need in order to keep me sane. I want to give birth already but sometimes I think, which will be easier, doing all these things or doing more things because the baby is out already! So I go slow on what I pray for hehe
Can wait to get over all of these!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Clueless
I sat in Liam's room this morning, slowly preparing the Mummy bag and baby bag, then my gaze suddenly fell on my big belly reflected on the mirror. Clueless. That is the word that I would like to use to describe the state that I am in. I really can't believe that in 8 (or 7, hopefully it is 7) week's time there will be another kid at home, that I'll be a mom of two, that I'll be already accountable for two children and that I'll be already responsible to two children!
The whole idea of being in-charge to two kids is still a very huge idea for me and I am allowing myself to grasp it slowly. Looking back at the last 2 years and 9 months, I can say that we got lucky with Liam because he didn't give us a hard time when he was born. He was never a fussy and demanding kid. We breezed through his first two years. It is actually now that we find ourselves challenged with him because he is in the terrible 2s and 3s stage. We can really see and experience that he is testing the waters already. Of course, it is challenging because at times that you just want to give in to his whims and wants (especially when he puts up a tantrum), you just can't. This is the best time to lay the rules for him. This is the best time to discipline him. So how about Samantha? As they say eack kid is unique? Will she be as easy to handle like his Kuya Liam? I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
So what is in store for me when Samantha comes out? Sleepless nights? Physical exhaustion? Finally letting go of my control issues? Finally letting go of my OC-ness? A toddler on one hand, a newborn on the other hand. So when and where does "me" time and being a spouse come in? A home to be managed -- cleanliness, chores, time and finances to be managed as well. I need to be a homemaker, a spouse, and a mother not only to Liam but to Samantha as well. I have to make sure that I get to spend time not only with Sam but with Liam too! It's sooo overwhelming! I remember what my hubby used to say when faced with uncertain circumstances -- Hope for the best, expect for the worst. SO now that I am still faced with the unknown and I am still clueless of what is in store for me in a couple more weeks, I just rest my worries looking up to the million of moms, my mom included, who managed to work, raise 5 kids (or more) and still managed to be a homemaker.
The whole idea of being in-charge to two kids is still a very huge idea for me and I am allowing myself to grasp it slowly. Looking back at the last 2 years and 9 months, I can say that we got lucky with Liam because he didn't give us a hard time when he was born. He was never a fussy and demanding kid. We breezed through his first two years. It is actually now that we find ourselves challenged with him because he is in the terrible 2s and 3s stage. We can really see and experience that he is testing the waters already. Of course, it is challenging because at times that you just want to give in to his whims and wants (especially when he puts up a tantrum), you just can't. This is the best time to lay the rules for him. This is the best time to discipline him. So how about Samantha? As they say eack kid is unique? Will she be as easy to handle like his Kuya Liam? I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
So what is in store for me when Samantha comes out? Sleepless nights? Physical exhaustion? Finally letting go of my control issues? Finally letting go of my OC-ness? A toddler on one hand, a newborn on the other hand. So when and where does "me" time and being a spouse come in? A home to be managed -- cleanliness, chores, time and finances to be managed as well. I need to be a homemaker, a spouse, and a mother not only to Liam but to Samantha as well. I have to make sure that I get to spend time not only with Sam but with Liam too! It's sooo overwhelming! I remember what my hubby used to say when faced with uncertain circumstances -- Hope for the best, expect for the worst. SO now that I am still faced with the unknown and I am still clueless of what is in store for me in a couple more weeks, I just rest my worries looking up to the million of moms, my mom included, who managed to work, raise 5 kids (or more) and still managed to be a homemaker.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Sleeping at My Best
I have a thing with nightwear. If some people like to invest on the tech-ie stuff I choose to invest on my nightwear. That is why I love it when close friends or family gives one to me as a present. I actually don't know when it started, but when I already had the means to buy for myself, which was when I started working, I usually buy myself a pair or a new one, once a month.
I think some people like to sleep better in their oldest, worn out, and biggest shirt. No problem with that, as long as everyone gets to have a good night's sleep right? But I remember one interview of Kris Aquino that somehow made me feel good about making sure that I still look my best even if I am just going to sleep. She mentioned in that interview that her mom, former President Corazon Aquino, gave her this advice that sleeping is not an exception to be presentable. An instance is, what if, knock on wood, an emergency like fire happens at the middle of the night, would you want yourself be seen by the people in your old, worn out, and huge clothes? Of course, I am no celebrity, but still, it made sense.
Why do I invest on my nightwear? Of course, at the end of a very tiring day, I would still want to look at my best and feel good. Sometimes, when you see yourself looking good even after a very stressful day, it somewhat lifts your spirit and sets the mood for a good night's sleep. I dress for my hubby. Of course! Need I elaborate more? As they say, we should strive not to look "losyang" and make ourselves still very much attractive and appealing to our spouses! It adds spice to our marriage!
So what makes up my sleepwear wardrobe? I have good pairs of PJs (now that I experience Winter as well, additional set of sleepwear were added, the thicker ones of course)and more pieces of nightgowns. Of course the designs vary, depending on the mood :) Of course, the sexier and more expensive ones are reserved for special ocassions! Hahaha
I love to sleep, who doesn't? But I just want to make sure that when I sleep, I still sleep at my best.
I think some people like to sleep better in their oldest, worn out, and biggest shirt. No problem with that, as long as everyone gets to have a good night's sleep right? But I remember one interview of Kris Aquino that somehow made me feel good about making sure that I still look my best even if I am just going to sleep. She mentioned in that interview that her mom, former President Corazon Aquino, gave her this advice that sleeping is not an exception to be presentable. An instance is, what if, knock on wood, an emergency like fire happens at the middle of the night, would you want yourself be seen by the people in your old, worn out, and huge clothes? Of course, I am no celebrity, but still, it made sense.
Why do I invest on my nightwear? Of course, at the end of a very tiring day, I would still want to look at my best and feel good. Sometimes, when you see yourself looking good even after a very stressful day, it somewhat lifts your spirit and sets the mood for a good night's sleep. I dress for my hubby. Of course! Need I elaborate more? As they say, we should strive not to look "losyang" and make ourselves still very much attractive and appealing to our spouses! It adds spice to our marriage!
So what makes up my sleepwear wardrobe? I have good pairs of PJs (now that I experience Winter as well, additional set of sleepwear were added, the thicker ones of course)and more pieces of nightgowns. Of course the designs vary, depending on the mood :) Of course, the sexier and more expensive ones are reserved for special ocassions! Hahaha
I love to sleep, who doesn't? But I just want to make sure that when I sleep, I still sleep at my best.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)