Now, back to my story.
As I have said, my new set of experiences are starting to become a nightmare for me. Day 2 (Sunday around 8am). Still groggy and tired, happy that Alvin with Liam in tow, was now with me. They attached a machine on my legs to prevent blood clot and gave me pain killers. I guess seeing Liam very excited and the pain killers allowed me to survive the day. But not for long, as per hospital rules, visiting hours in the morning are up to 1pm only so Alvin had to bring Liam home by 1pm. (I'll write a different blog regarding Liam and Sam's first encounter). Alvin got back at the hospital at around 3pm already. He stayed there until around 9:30pm though he was allowed to stay until 10pm. I didn't want want him to stay so late because we have another one at home, waiting for him. I didn't want Sam's arrival to be a bad experience for Liam. During the time that Alvin went home up until he came back, I managed because I had pain killers. Though I was still bed-bound due to the machine attached to my feet and of course because of the catheter and dextrose still attached to me. But mind you, at around 930 am, a midwife really asked me to stand up and have a shower already. Again, as I have said, I managed because Alvin was with me.
So when he went home that was when things started getting crazy again. Sam was not as cooperative like she was during the first night. I tried to latch her and she kept on sucking for almost two hours. She'd doze off but when she realizes she has stopped sucking she'll cry all over again. My powers this time was very limited because even if I wanted to cuddle her I still can't. I still can't stand up. I buzzed the nurse for help and it took ages before she got to me (I actually support the demand of midwives and nurses here in NSW one2four campaign because of this experience). When she saw me and saw Sam crying, her first question was: "Are you from the CS section? Why are you not standing up and walking around?" My reaction, though I just kept it to myself was, "hello?! have you been under the knife?!" All I could answer was, I just had my CS in the morning, my dextrose and catheter were still attached to me so even if I wanted to I still can't. And added that I have tried to do everything to settle Sam, including breasfeed her but she is still cranky. Thank heavens she understood me (or probably I really looked terrible already haha) she got Sam and told me that she'll try to settle Sam. If Sam does not settle, they'll give her the formula already since she can see some signs from Sam that she is still hungry. Explaining that even after latching to me for two hours, probably the milk that I had was still not enough. We still didn't have any formula with us and what I brought was the Medela feeding cup (we didn't want to introduce the bottle yet afraid that if we introduce it to her too early she might not latch and feed with me anymore), when I explained all these to the midwife, she told me that they had bottles and formula available so I need not worry. As for the feeding cup story, she just told me that this was a myth so even if I was a bit apprehensive, I gave in. Anyway, I couldn't do anything anymore to settle Sam and her comfort was my priority. But before the midwife left, she told me that tom I should be up and about already. That was around 12am and I was able to rest since Sam was returned to me at 6am. Though I really didn't get a sound sleep as cries of babies will really let you stay up. And I was thinking if it was actually Sam who was crying. But the fact that I was alone and Sam was not with me, did give me the break that I needed. Again, the delivery of our breakfast was our wake-up call (nakakainis kasi Pinoy yung mga nagdedeliver at talagang kalabog to the max ang mga gamit nila!).
Alvin came in a bit late today because Liam and his parents were scheduled to visit us that day. This was Monday. They finally removed the pump attached to my legs and removed my catheter and the dextrose (but still had to wee two times before the needle was pulled out from hand). Finally, freedom! :D Baby Sam got her Hepa B shot and her Hearing Test today, which were both for free. Here's the thing, when one of the midwives asked us up to when do we think will we stay at the hospital, we told her probably around Wednesday, thinking that the Dr has yet to see me and advise us when I can go home. To our surprise, the midwife told us that it was actually US, who called the shots as to when we want to go home! What?! Oh ok. Anyways, if ever we decide to go home, a midwife will still visit me and Sam at home. Alvin stayed with me at the hospital until 8pm only. From 8pm onwards I was again alone in-charge with our little bub. At around 12am (Tuesday, 23 November) I was already exhausted. It was a struggle for me everytime I needed to go to the toilet. Aside from the soreness I felt on the cut that I had, I also had to bring Sam with me everytime I needed to wee. Breastfeeding discomforts were starting as well. I found myself crying already because I felt so alone, tired and overwhelmed by everything that have happened since I gave birth early Sunday morning. I can't stand spending another night like this at the hospital. I just found it really ironic becuase when they ask how I was and I tell them I still felt sore etc., they would reply "It's normal, of course you do, you had a major operation!" but they expect us to move around already and care for our bubs like we just didn't undergo a major operation. Post-natal blues? Probably. WHat kept me sane? Sam. By around 130 am, Sam on the bassinet, I had to walk and get her some formula at the Nursery there I found some "inspiration and strength" seeing other mommies doing exactly what I was doing, feeding, taking charge of their little bub. It gave me the push that I needed, if they can do it, why can't I. That pulled me through until Alvin came back first thing in the morning (I already texted him that I needed him early at the hospital or else I'll go nuts!). He was supposed to pick up Liam after lunch to visit us again but when the Pediatrician and OB already checked on me and Sam (Sam had her Newborn Screening earlier today, again it was for free) an idea came to me -- since the last two medical procedures/checks were already done, I can very much go home! So we asked if it was possible for me to go home already. One midwife didn't allow me to go home and told me that since I was under the Csection, the earliest that I can go home is Wednesday morning. I felt my excitement going down the drain. But the thing here is, there was another midwife who was allowing us to go home and even fixed our house visit for the following day. The two had a little argument but to make the long story short, since the Pedia and the OB stated on my books that I can go home already should I decide to go home, I was allowed to go home. I was so excited and happy! The funny thing was, no one checked our bands (mum and bub's band if it matched) when we got out of the hospital. No security checks whatsoever.
Since going home Tuesday evening, I have slowly regained my strength and I think my recovery (physical and emotional) was better and faster because I was at home. Looking back at what I had to go through it was another opportunity for me to grow as an individual and it allowed me to see what I am capable of doing all for the sake of my little bub. Some people did warn me about this but I didn't expect it was this bad. Maybe the hormones added to my being emotional, but what the heck, this experience taught me lessons again and made me a better (tougher) person. It proved that I can push myself even if it was very hard if it involved my child (children).
In the last 4 days that I was home we have had 2 visits from the midwife and 1 visit from the Community Health nurse. I am re-learning and learning new tricks on parenting and I am only but grateful for this help and support which is easily made available to us, all for free. It is now Saturday and I can't believe that it has been a week since this colorful chapter of my journey has started. I and my husband are now sleep-deprived because of changing nappies, making formula (as a supplement until my milk supply becomes enough for each feed of Sam) and of breastfeeding. Tired, yes! But in the end, when you see your little bub, you come to realize, everything is all worth it!
