Random Thoughts

When I was still in Secondary school, I used to write for the school paper. As the Associate Editor of the school paper, I had my own column and that column was a collection of my random thoughts about the events that have happened in campus. I remembered it a few days ago as I tried to think of what other topics I can write on my blog. Some topics were too long to be a status update on my facebook account, while more topics were too short be an interesting blog article.

So now, I decided to write the way I used to write, random thoughts about certain things; reactions to somethings I have came across through reading or through conversations; and my obersvations about the things around me.

I think this might become a series in my blog, but it is still too early to tell. So here it goes, my random thoughts for the day:

cramming is not really my thing! after spending almost the entire day working on my paper, now I have a migraine! ***

my favoriet season has just begun! it's the BER months already and Christmas for me starts on the 1st of September! Christmas is a joyous occasion that is why I like to celebrate it the longest possible way! exciting, this Christmas we have two babies at home already!

speaking of babies, sometimes in my quiet moments, I still can't believe that I'll soon be a mom of two...I am honored that God has chosen me to be in-charge with two of His creations! praying that I'll do good ;)

each pregnancy indeed is really different...been more emotional with the 2nd one than in the first one ;0

i came across a nice quote, "your smile is your enemy's greatest fear" ... i think it is very true...especially in this age of facebook and twitter where you can document everything good that is happening in your life! sometimes those that seem to envy with what you have take everything in silence -- no like buttons, no comments, no reactions...signso of bitterness?

what are the signs of bitterness? I don't know, cause I am not ;P

3rd tri discomforts starting already...hope I can still manage until I give birth!

time to park my keyboard now...looking back with what i have written, Im still so far from the way I used to write...see you on my next blog about my random throughts, hopefully by then, I'll manage to write with more animation and humor (while trying to impart a serious message!)

Look Good, Feel Good

Many people say that when one is pregnant, the mom-to-be should try to always be happy and as much as possible think happy thoughts. In addition, they should always try to feel good and look good. As they say, whatever the mom feels, the baby also feels. So if you are one happy mom-to-be, then chances are, your baby will be one happy baby as well. (This is quite a challenge since most moms experience a roller coaster ride of emotions althroughout the pregnancy due to the hormones).

Well, I believe that yes, one should make an extra effort to look good during pregnancy but I think, we should also strive to look good after the pregnancy as well.

I am not the type who wears make up whenever I go out, but what I mean looking good, is trying to go back to your usual size after the baby has arrived. Some moms tend to be so hands on and focused with the baby that they forget to take care of themselves. Believe me, when you look good and feel good about yourself, you'd have a more positive attitude especially during those "gloomy" days. On my first pregnancy, there was really a big effort on my part that I'd still look the way I look before I got pregnant. I made sure that my old clothes still fit after I gave birth. I was able to do it. Many of my friends joked that I just "farted" my first-born. While I was pregnant as well, I took care of my tummy by applying Palmer's religiously. Lucky me, even after two pregnancies, I still don't have any stretch marks. My friends commend me nowadays when they see me, telling me that I really didn't grow big in the last 7 months, only my tummy did :) I try to look good by dressing well too. Not expensive clothes, but clothes that still show the happy aura that I have as I await the arrival of my child.

It will really require some extra effort on our part to look good during, and more especially, after the pregnancy. But hey, we do not only do it for others (so we don't receive any harsh criticisms), for our hubbys (so we can still be very appealing and the apple of their eyes), but most importantly, we do it because we owe it to ourselves! Let us take some time to love ourselves, let us try to feel good, by looking good!

Terrible Twos and Threes

Hyper. Tantrums every now and then. Testing. Whining every now and then. Terrible. That is how people usualy describe this stage in a child's life aged 2 or 3. My little boy happens to be in that stage.

In my Early Childhood courses, I have read and studies about this stage and how to deal with it. But just like in teaching, theory, is different from the actual thing. Observing at how my little one behaves, I can say that I am one of those lucky parents who didn't get to experience all the disasters and the tantrums and the whinings. Yes, he does have his own share of mood swings and "katarayan" moments, testing moments, and "topak" moments...but I can say that they are all manageable. After all, it is only in these moments that I am reminded that my son is still a child. I am to adjust to him and try to understand his world and not the other way around.

Instead of focusing on those terrible experiences, I try to dwell on the good things and the sweet things he does. Like when he just tells me out of the blue that he needs me, or he loves, or he has enjoyed our activity for the day. Each day is different and challenging for me as a parent, in less than 4 months, he'll be three and as I await what is in store for me when he does turn three, we'll continue to enjoy this part of our journey as mother and son. :)

Excited!

Yes, that is the perfect word that describes how I feel as I started washing Samantha's clothes. By far, this would probably be the shortest blog I will write, because I will just be sharing the excitement that I feel now that I have a baby girl coming. What makes me excited? Well, the fact that I can already dress up my little girl! :)

Unlike with Liam, it was only just shirts, polo, jumpers, jackets, and shoes. But with my baby girl, the options for having a good outfit is endless! Of course I have to prepare my pocket for that.

It is a good thing that we were able to keep most of Liam's baby stuff. The ones he got only to wear once or twice and then he outgrew it already. Yes, the color might be blue, but I don't think that letting my baby girl wear those blue-colored clothes will affect her being a girl. The funny thing though is, I tend to avoid pink. I think it doesn't have to be automatic that if you're having a girl, she should wear pink clothes! I'd prefer lavander or purple clothes for my Sam. Of course, my little girl has her own set of new clothes and she is one lucky girl!

Some of my early favorites are her Baby Gap onesies and H/M onesies, care of her Uncle Jay (all pasalubongs from his US and London Trip), her Baby Gap leggings and the socks, booties (especially the Lavender one), mittens (from my Mom). Here is a glimpse of her new clothes. I haven't started buying for her, because I know once I start, I might not be able to stop! :)

Unbelievable

Unbelievable. I still can't believe that three days ago, on our way home, after a family dinner, my sister called me up and told me the good news that Liam won in the CFC raffle! His prize? A two-way ticket from Aus to Manila (off-peak season)! Truly another blessing!

Alvin and I agreed that after every two years, the whole family will be travelling. Of course, this is what we want but this will depend on some factors, like our finances. The first on our list of destinations is of course, the Philippines. We would love to go back and visit our families and friends. For some weeks now, we have been toying with the idea of going "home" next year. No concrete plans yet. But we always include our plans to go home in our prayers and that God may make things possible for us. Well, God has answered our prayer in a way we least expected!

Looking back at all the raffles we joined, especially when we were in Manila (thru Supermarket raffles at that), and not having won anything, I didn't expect and I can't believe that we will win something like this!

Of course, we still have to spend for three more fares but getting one free seat is a big help already! We can already add the money we were supposed to use for Liam's fare to our travel funds. And Liam winning the raffle somewhat has put a "pressure" on us that we already have to push thru with our plans and a confirmation that He agrees that we come "home" for a visit. I am happy and excited as well. It is definitely one trip I look forward too.

God is good. He answers our prayers in different ways and suprising ways like the one we had. Let us just keep the faith and who knows, tomorrow might be another lucky, oh, make that another blessing-filled day! :)

"Us" Time

On one of my blogs, I have written about how I value my "me" time, especially after becoming a mom. Now, I would like to zero in on "us" time. "Us" referring to me and my hubby.

Since becoming parents we suddenly found our hands very full and always occupied with a lot of things for the kids. Conversations always included or are always about the kids. Aside from taking care of my little boy, we also had jobs and house chores to juggle as well. It is indeed a challenge to find an "us" time for the two of us. I am pretty sure many parents can relate with us. Liam is always with us, he sleeps between the two of us every night, and soon, Sam will join us. On weekdays we sometimes find ouselves already too tired at the end of the day to even have a long conversation like we used to during our "courtship" days. We try to catch up with one another by having short phone calls within the day, updating one another of how the day has been for us, but talking more about our children. On weekends, we also have quality time with our children, we go to shops, or we have long drives every now and then or we just stay home, trying to catch up with the pending house chores as well. Busy days and happy days indeed for the family. But again, it is quite rare that we find ourselves alone to spend "us" time.

Last weekend, as we explored around Sydney Botanical Gardens, I finally found ourselves doing HHWW(holding hands while walking), just the two of us, no strollers, or Liam in between. In addition to this, we had the chance to talk, crack jokes and laugh about some things that don't concern our kids or the family. Just two adults having fun while strolling together. We were just enjoying each other's presence like we used to when we were still not married. And I felt good. Finally an "us" time! Probably you are asking where Liam is, well, while we were strolling, he was with his Lolo and Lola the whole time.

I believe that as a parent, a "me" time is essential. But as couples, an "us" time is as important. I realized that there are a lot of factors that come into the picture that hinders us from having the "us" time -- career, house chores and kids! Especially the kids! We sometimes find ourselves to engrossed in becoming the best parent and best provider for our children that we sometimes fail to realize that we shouldn't neglect the "us" time. Personally, having the "us" time doesn't have to be expensive. Just having a cup of coffee or breakfast together while Liam is still asleep can be a venue for us to have our "us" time. It can be as simple as me extending my waking hours so we can have those usual conversations about life, about how our day went, or about the movie that we saw, something to laugh about, something to be "kilig" about. I remember watching an interview of Maricel Laxa-Pangilinan before I got married. She said that she and her hubby try to make it a point to go out at least once a week just by themselves and talk about everything except about the kids. It nurtures their relationship with one another. It is very ideal indeed and I would love to have that as well. But looking at our situation, where there are no helpers available, we might just do away with the simple things I have mentioned, and later on, when the kids are a bit older, then maybe we can have more chances of having our "us" time. We can also grab opportunities, like the one we have now, our parents being here with us to help in taking care of the kids, to have our "us" time more frequently.

As a parent and an individual, "me" time is important. You feel refreshed and recharged, which in turn benefits the kids and the family. Likewise, I believe that as couples, we should also strive to have our "us" time. It will also benefit our kids and the family as well.

Mommy Worries

To start with, I am already a worry wart and since becoming a mother, I found myself becoming increasingly worried about a lot of other things, especially in the aspect of my child/children's future.

I worry if I can make them good Christians. I am worried if I can overcome the great task of teaching them the basics, praying the rosary, the traditional prayers, etc., especially after observing that even in Catholic schools here, they don't teach it to the students anymore. I am worried when I see my students play rough games and get hurt somewhere along the way. I especially get worried for my boy, Liam. I get worried when I see the girls in my classes becoming more agressive, modern and less conservative. I think of Sam.I am worried about bullying both for Liam and Sam. Especially now that we also have cyber bullying emerging. I worry if we can raise them as good individuals. I worry if we can nurture the gifts God has given them. I worry if we can make them the people God would want them to be.

I worry and I worry, endlessly. I know that there is no use worrying. I just tend to waste time when I just think about them and what the future has prepared for them. I will try not to worry. I will try to worry less. But I will pray. And I will pray more. More and more each day. In my heart I think it is the only weapon I have. The only thing that can give me peace and assure me that all will be well, especially during the times that we are not with them.

I hope that just like in Harry Potter, the great love I have for my children, will be more than enough to protect them from harm's way.

The Great Provider

My mobile rings more frequently nowadays and the everytime it does, it reminds me of how good God is. He is the Great Provider.

Uprooting ourselves from our comfort zones back in Manila to transfer and settle here in Sydney was a big risk to us. After landing in the Land Down Under, we soon found ourselves struggling and back at square one, especially in terms of our finances. But my parents, particularly my Mom, has always told me not to worry too much, especially in terms of finances, because God will provide. And He does.

At first it was quite hard to do it, let us admit it, saying it is way much easier than doing it, especially for moms like me. But the past few months, I have started embracing it and soon found myself not worrying too much like the way I used to. What happened along the way? Well, during my quiet times I get to reflect our family's journey since we have arrived here and looking at the past year and 5 months, I can actually say that financial help does come in during the times that we need it the most.

What am I talking about? There are a lot of instances and I cannot enumerate all of it here but I would mention a couple or two. When my parents came here for a visit last April and May, I was a bit worried of what to spend for them when they get here. Our savings were a bit depleted when we moved out from my brother's house. Of course, while they are here, we will be having long-drives and it is but natural that a daughter would be buying some things her parents love, while they are on vacation. Worry wart. Alvin's salary then was just enough for our weeky budget. But when my parents got here, I got a lot of casual calls and I was able to get extra money to spend on our trips and for the things I bought for them.

Now, when Alvin's parents were about to go here for a visit, we were again a bit worried. But we soon found ourselves having the extras not only from my casual work but also from Alvin's new job. To make it simpler, when we really need it, the blessings really come, sometimes in the most unexpected ways!

The past experiences have taught me to trust more and worry less. I am still working at that but I think I'm improving on entrusting everything to the Great Provider.

Preparations for Baby Sam

Busy day everyday. Being a part-time primary school teacher and a homemaker is a very challenging role. By the time I'm done with all the work at school I have to attend to the chores at home, which for some reason easily piles up.

Luckily, I also have light days where I get to do some things which, for some people might be a little bit over, but actually relaxes me. On those light days, I choose to do some things for the coming of our little baby girl, Sam.

I'm on the 24th week and in a matter of 3 months, she'll be here. Past experiences have taught me that it does pay to be prepared in advance. What have I been doing the past weeks as I prepare for the arrival of Baby Sam?

Here's my list:
a. I have washed, folded and ironed the baby clothes she will be using once she is out.
b. I have fixed her cabinets as well. Things are grouped together (clothes, onesies, sleeveless, shirts, tie shirts, hats, undies, etc.)
c. I have asked Liam to make black and white pictures which we will put on Sam's cot together with the other black and white patterns I have made (black and white patterns are great stimulants to newborns since at the first few weeks, they are still color-blind).
d. I am almost done with the adult souvenirs for her baptismal party. Yes, the only thing lacking is the tag which I will put as I tie the bags.
e. I have started making the loot bags for the kids for her baptismal party. I have attached a picture of the first few finshed products I have made. I still have to put goodies inside and of course, put the tags.
f. I am done with the lay-out for the thank-you tags for her baptismal party. Pending for printing.

There are still pending jobs which are as follows:
a. Completing the list of the godparents.
b. Informing the godparents, espcially those who are not Australia-based. Though I have emailed one already :)
c. Printing of the thank-you tags.
d. Lay-out for the baptismal invites.
e. Thank you gifts for the godparents.
f. The date and venue of the rites and the party afterwards.
g. Laundry of the new batch of clothes and baby needs given to her by my brother and parents.
h. Laundry of cot covers, blankets and quilts.
i. Laundry and set-up of the cot.
j. Cleaning of the stroller frame.
h. Preparing mommy and baby bag for the hospital.

I am in no hurry because I know that I'll get to finish all of them as the date draws near. Some may think these to-do lists are not relaxing at all. Well, let us just say that I am glad I have these things to do because it not only serves as a breather for me, but it is also a reminder that soon, our family, will be complete.

Breaking Free!

Finally. I consider myself a people-pleaser. Blame it on my experiences in elementary and in high-school. I usually find myself trying to please other people, especially those who seem to not like me, to the point of abusing myself, emotionally at that.

Looking at what we have now, I really don't know if I should still consider our relationship as friendship. Well, to start with, I knew and you knew that we will never be the best of friends, but in my heart I have hoped that we could be good friends. On my part, I tried my best to reach out, but it seems it hasn't been and will not be reciprocated.

Friendster. Facebook. Something that still keeps us connected. I tried to be happy with what you have now-- comments, "like" buttons, emails and chats...but it just puzzles me why, you don't seem to feel the same. I feel sad, disappointed most of the times seeing how you react with the others and not react with me. At one point I thought this was a sign of bitterness. I don't know.Maybe. But only you can answer that. It still puzzles me why you can't even push the "like" button for something beautiful that has happened in our lives. Over the pictures, the celebrations, the good news. None. Well, I thought that after the Christian link between our families have been made, we could be better friends. We get to chat every now and then and exchange mails as well. After the exchange of stories and letters I thought we're on our way to a better and lasting friendship. I actually look forward to sharing my dilemmas and motherhood journeys/stories with you because I know that you can share some and give me tips along the way. But I guess, I'm still that person you wouldn't want to be good friends with. So it just occured to me, why do I have to insist myself to you? Why do I have to do everything to please you? Why do I have to make our relationship a real friendship? I feel that I have taken the extra mile. I did my share. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe it's time for me to break free. And I did. Now, I feel lighter and happier. I actually feel good about doing it. I finally made sure that I was being true to myself. Now, I am free.

Missing My Girlfriends :(

I am a talker. If something bothers me, or frustrates me, or makes me angry, I talk. And the more I talk, the easier it becomes for me. My emotions become more stable. I become more sensible. I become human again.

Right now, I terribly miss my girfriends. Let's just say that I really can't write the whole story here because it is a bit sensitive but to give a bird's eye view, I am in a position that I really don't like. My patience is tested and so is my being Christian. Day in and day out I have to struggle. I have to think of happy thoughts everytime just as so the baby inside my tummy will not imbibe the feelings or emotions that I have now inside me. I don't like to stare at these people because it stirs my emotions again. It all boils down to the fact that we have different personalities and practices. Sadly, I really can't avoid the situation I am in.

This is why I miss my girlfriends. I miss them because I can't tell my entire story here. I miss them because with them, I will get to share my dilemma up to the very last detail. I miss them because I know that as I share my story with them, I'd be laughing my heart out along the way. They'd share it with me, agree with me and give me tips at the end. I miss their company over a cup of coffee or a cup of tea or over dessert. I miss seeing them and I really miss talking to them.

If it is only possible to gather all of them in a snap of a finger, I'd have done sooner...and more frequently...especially now. If only it was possible.

Christmas in August!

Yes, I know, we still haven't reached the "ber" months, which for most Filipinos signals the start of the Christmas season, but for me, preparations for Christmas has begun already!

I am due to give birth end of November and since I'm under the C-section, I don't expect that I would be physically capable of doing the Christmas shopping when December comes. And besides, I hate cramming. So as early as now, I have started with my Christmas shopping. I have my Christmas list and it is updated everytime I get to buy a present for somebody. This year the list became a bit longer as our circle of friends based in Australia also grew. In the same manner, we plan to send some simple gifts to our families and godchildren who are based in Manila. Doing my Christmas shopping this early, I think, is financially rewarding, because I get to see and purchase good gifts which are on sale, which in effect allows me to save. It also allows me to choose the perfect gift for the friend, godchild, or family member, without the time pressure. I'm pretty sure I'd end up giving generic items if I start shopping by October or November. For this, I hope that the recipients of our gifts would be happy of our presents as they were carefully chosen. Next, I get to go and comapre and shop among different shops. I'm not limited to the shops around Western Sydney, which I think is another plus for me.

I have also given my hubby his Christmas present, a GPS, which he thinks would be useful when we go out on long drives. Well, he asked me if he can have his Christmas present in advance. I gave in becuase there was actually a ale on GPS last last weekend. But aside from this, I also plan to give him an RC Helicopter which I know he'll love playing with our son Liam. I'm done with Liam's gift as well, a Piano toy and for his birthday, tickets for the Wiggles concert in December.

Now, I still have a lot of people on my list, but I already have an idea what to give them. I just need to go to this shop and majority of them will be gone from the list already. The harder part is finding the right present for my immediate family.

So there, that is how I have started my CHristmas 2010 preparations and I just can't wait to finish shopping for all my loved ones!

Baby Sam

My best friend told me once that I should be extra careful of the things I tend to splurge on for Liam, because, if in the future I have another child, I should make it a point to also do the things I did for Liam. The reason? To avoid unnecessary comparisons and sibling rivalry. I kept that in mind. But needless to say, I still sometimes overspend for Liam, thinking that I will just have another child in the future and doing everything again would not be that difficult.

Well, fast forward, after 2 years and 7 months, Liam is about to become a Big Kuya to his baby sister, Andrea Samantha, or Sam for short. We are thrilled to know that we are having a baby girl in a matter of 3 months. We're praying that all will be well until we finally see her come November. As I prepare for her arrival, I try to recall everything, every little thing that I did with Liam. I decided that maybe when I put it in writing, it will be much easier to remember it when the time comes.

But first, I would like to thank Baby Sam for being a good baby. Though I had a terrible first trimester (just like with Liam then), the past 3 months have been a smooth ride. She hasn't given me any problems considering the physical load I have to do almost everyday. From the surprise party for her Papa up to now that I do my daily grind of house chores and extra errands/driving for family, she has always cooperated. FOr that I am very thankful for her. Though I know that in a matter of weeks, I should slow down already and physically prepare myself for her arrival.

Now back to the things I will have to do with her as well. The big projects include: having a baptismal party, having a grand 1st birthday party, coffee table book for her 1st birthday, having a simple 2nd birthday party, enrolling her to Gymbaroo, enrolling her to Kindermusik, and enrolling her to swimming lessons. Oh I almost forgot, breastfeeding her as well unti she turns 2! The photo sessions during the third month, 12 month, and 24th month. The monthly mini-birthday celebrations from the first month up to the 12th month. Maybe, just maybe, I will have to enroll her as well to dance lessons when she's a bit older, like our plan to enroll Liam on another sport (Tennis) as soon as he turns 3. Now for the smaller projects, we'll make it a yearly family bonding to watch a kid's concert (like Thomas the Train and Wiggles) and of course, splurging (a little, promise) on the clothes. I feel guilty (really? hehehe) everytime I see how much I have invested on Liam's branded clothes. Oh well, I'm having a girl this time so I'm pretty sure, I'd spend as well. Of course, spending on books and a little on toys as well will be part of the small projects.

We already did something for her recently, which we also did with LIam. That is to have a video of the ultrasounds that we had with the doctor. The only difference now is Sam's pictures are in 3D and her video is now on DVD while Liam's were on 2D scan only and was recorded on a VHS :) Can't blam that on us, blame it on technology hehe.

There you go, so far that is what I can all remember I'm pretty sure in the coming weeks I'll remember more. But for now, I'll just enjoy the days and the weeks that she is still inside me, sharing every emotion and everything that I experience. I love you Baby Sam and I can't wait to see you!

50-50

Liam, my little boy is fast growing up. Nowadays, when we tell him he's a good boy, he corrects us and tells us "No, I'm a big Kuya." Well, we're glad he's already aware that another one is on the way. I just hope that when Sam does come out already, he won't be having a hard time adjusting to the changes.

When couples start to have kids sometimes their kids are branded as either "Little Papa" or "Little Mama". For Liam's case, I really can't say he's a little Jeana nor is he a Little Alvin. He is a mixture of the two us, and I can say, the mixture of our best, not so good and funny traits at that!

For one, he is not entirely a carbon coby of his Papa or his Mama. Many think that I look like him, while others think, he looks like more his Papa. Personally, I think he got most of his facial features from his Papa, but the eyes are from me. Well, happy to have contributed something for him.

Next, on our traits. I already wrote about how I sometimes see myself in him, especially his tendency not to be settled until somethings are back in place. Like a door left open, a drawer of a cabinet left open. He'll really go out of his way to close it and fix it. Packing away as well is one trait he got from me. Thank goodness! Now, he also got his talkativeness from me and his being "masungit" at times, especially after waking up. You need to know the right way and the right time to start his day right. Liam also does not like eating "pangat" meaning "pangatlong ulit na" hehehe that is very me as well. He doesn't drink fresh milk too, which is very me.

Now, I think he got his intelligence from his Papa, which I admit, is something I have prayed for. Yes, I also did good on my studies, but I think it was more of the fact that I was a hardworking and diligent student than a naturally intelligent person, unlike Alvin. His love for music and the arts, he got from his Papa as well. His very good fine motor skills and not so good gross motor skills are courtesy of his Papa as well. His love for juices, chocolates and yogurts are Papa traits. He definitely has a sweet tooth!

Before we even got married, Alvin has always been the "taga-ubos" or "taga-simot" of the melted ice-cream or sundae we usually order for dessert. But one happy Sunday we were amazed and we just can't help smiling (or was it laughing?) when we saw LIam doing exactly that with his chocolate sundae from Hungry Jacks. Alvin was actually telling him to give the cup already so he can "simot" it but Liam didn't. He did it by himself. Ate all up to the very last drop. So, sorry Papa.

There are still a lot of Mama traits and Papa traits that we see in him every now and then. I can't write all of it but I'm happy to write some of it. Knowing that soon this will make me smile as I go down memory lane and reminisce how he was when he was a still a small boy.

As for our new baby, I will have to wait and see if like his Kuya Liam, she is a 50-50.

The Gift of Now

Last Friday, in our weekly household prayer meeting, our household head shared a very nice article of Bo Sanchez. It basically talks about the Gift of Now. Not worrying about the future and not fretting about the past and just enjoying the now.

The past couple of weeks I have been very busy tending to my duties and responsibilities at home. I was a mum to three kids, my niece and my nephew being with me most of the time since their Papa was in the US, then in London for work matters. That made my hands full. Very full. Not to mention that I am already five and a half months on my second (and last) pregnancy. I felt that I was slowly becoming a bit domesticated. I can't believe that I am what I am now considering that a couple of years ago I told my friends that I never see myself just staying at home. Especially after working very hard for my studies and my Masters. Well, God has different ways of teaching us valuable lessons.

Now, back to the gift of now. It has been lingering a couple of weeks now and I felt that the meeting we had last Friday was the climax of it all. A few days ago my friend's entire family met a horrible accident in Manila. As they have described it, it is a miracle that all of them are still alive. My sister-in-law also shared some stories of how her friend's daughter suffered from tuberculosis of the bones at such an early age (she's still in college) and how her niece, who is just 13 years old, died of dengue! In our short talk, we just came into conclusion that we really never know when our time is up. That in a snap of a finger we can all die. So my thirst to enjoy the "now" became more serious.

At present, I am torn. Half of me wants to enjoy the "now" but part of me also wants to prepare for the future. I want to spend more time at home, more time to travel, more time to spend with my family back in Manila, with my parents. But at the back of my mind, the bills, the expenses, the to-buy lists are ringing. I guess at this stage in our family life, we are still in the process of working our way to a more stable future for our children. And the two just contradicts one another. The past weeks I have been turning down calls for casual work and I am happy with my decision, but I know that I can't turn down all the calls everytime. Sooner or later I will have to work. So does that mean, there goes the gift of now? I don't know. At the back of my mind I don't want to worry anymore because I know (and He has proven it to me a GAZILLION times) that God will provide. But I am only human and worry sometimes catch up with me. So I still don't know.

Alvin shared a story which convinced me some more to enjoy the "now". It was a story which was shared by one of his officemates, apparently, when his kid was stil growing up, he spent too much time working, prompting his son to email him a letter with a subject: To the Dad that I never see. That was his wake-up call. I'd dread that day if and when one of my children will write a letter to me with that heading. But as I've mentioned earlier. I am torn, we are torn. It's hard to really enjoy the now, in the fullest sense and the way we want to enjoy it without me or my husband thinking about the future. All we can do now is to try to make the most of what we have now. Enjoying some of life's simple pleasures and simple luxuries every now and then, as life presents it to us, one at a time. I would love to enjoy my gift of now...if only it was that easy.