Growing Together, Praying Together (Overwhelmed - Part 2)

Yesterday, I mentioned to one of my friends, Mitch, more than this dream becoming a reality, I am more thankful of the opportunity for me and Alvin to again grow together and work together both spiritually and mentally. After this, particularly last Saturday, I felt our relationship went up one notch higher.

When I wrote that we continued to pray for it, we were not pushing for us to buying a house. We were praying that if it is His will, let things fall into place. We were praying for guidance for every decision. And most importantly, we were praying for His grace to prepare our hearts, so we can humbly accept His will for us.

We grew together, mentally. Since the time we started sitting down only three or four weeks ago, we had a lot of intelligent and mature conversations. I am the type who feels bad whenever he "audits" me every now and then. I was surprisingly okay when he asked where our money went and why our savings only reached a certain amount. There were a lot of computations involved in those after-dinner conversations. Both were very patient and open to suggestions. We worked together in a way that he led and I did the supporting role by doing errands that were needed in this "project."

On the day the priority numbers were released (which was only last Saturday), we again, like in the past, came as a family (me, hubby and our two kids). Everyone was present and everyone patiently queued. Everyone had a say especially when our first two choices were gone already! Everyone prayed for it.  It was a family thing and I couldn't be happier!

Although we were 18th on the line and started queuing before 7am, (some people were more desperate than us!) we still didn't get the original lot we wanted. It could have been a better choice, a bigger lot, a bigger house, a better plan for the value of money (it's bigger but it ends up cheaper) we're paying. But God had a different plan for us. He directed us to another one, which was actually our 4th choice. Initially, we were sad that we didn't get what we wanted (the ones who got our first two choices spent the night in the queue!). But looking back, we were thinking we could have been spared from a possible stress because of the builder assigned on that lot and God probably pointed us to a different lot so we can be more comfortable with our future finances. The lot that we were able to nominate is 8 thousand cheaper than our first choice. (Now there is NO immediate need to sell our lot).

We took a gamble.

I was scared to let go of this opportunity because I felt that the prices of properties will just continue to rise with the rate things are going here and it would have been harder for us to buy our own home. (The first release was only two months ago and prices have gone up $12000 more!) One professional advice we got recently is, "if you have the money now, then go for it!"

I guess, the gamble paid off.

At this point and looking at the future it's still not 100% kink-free. There are still some areas that causes me and Alvin to worry. But I guess, God would want it to leave it like that so we can have an opportunity to have faith. So we can learn how to trust Him and let Him be in-charge!

The kids did and are doing a marvelous job of helping us. They helped us pray for it. They helped us by being patient when we visited display homes, talked to builders, and even when I queued last Saturday for 3 hours! They are helping us save money. They are excited as us, helping Mama and Papa choose possible themes for their future rooms.

The praying part is not over.

We will continue to pray as we continue to grow on with this part of our journey, as a family.

This is the second release which we tried our luck on :-)
The peach-coloured lots were part of their first release,
two months ago! Our future home will now be in front of the park.
Our future community will have our own shopping centre and will be just across
the newest Ikea and Costco, how convenient is that!

A glimpse of our future home.
We really wanted a 2 car garage so we can house both Maggie and Ben.
But after consulting our financial advisers and family,
we humbly embraced what God might have prepared for our family.

Keep an eye on this space as I will continue to share the developments of this part of our journey. 

Overwhelmed - Part 1

Overwhelmed.

That is the best word to describe what I am feeling right now.

Emotions are running high.

Overwhelmed.

Another big dream is about to materialize and we can only thank and praise God for it!

We are one step closer to getting our dream home! Our own home!

The past week was the peak of our discernment process.

In my last blog entry, I told you that I, we, were willing to wait and see if everything will fall into place.

And it did.

Our plans of buying our first home has happened earlier than we have planned.

Proves that God's plans for us far better than what we have for ourselves!

After we met with the broker almost two weeks ago, we had the impression and got to a conclusion that it's not yet time for us. We were still thankful for that meeting as it paved the way for us to set our financial goals so we are better prepared when another opportunity comes. That was Tuesday, 21 January.

Long weekend. Even if we were sure that it will be impossible for us to buy, much more try, a home on the 8 Feb release, we kept on praying for it. Over the long weekend, we went to the Sales Office and hubby got the plans and prices of the home and land packages for the upcoming release.

Seeing the prices, our dreams came crashing down at us again as the prices has increased tremendously from their last release end of November 2013. The cheapest now is $544k and the most expensive ones were somewhere around $720++ thousand!

Another reason for us to give up, right?

We really didn't give up 100% because we kept on praying and discerning for it, still.

And in His goodness, He sent people our way to help us arrive at a decision, to gamble.

My friend Vera got the actual land value of the package and it gave us hope!

The funny thing is, the ideas to continue trying came in dreams and very early morning! As my friend puts it, a Eureka moment!

Alvin and I haven't really told one another to make computations and see if we can work out something, financially. But when he gets home from work, he starts talking about the topic and lo and behold, we have, on our own made some plans on how we can possibly try to work it out. And from there, we sit down and discuss Plans A, B and C. Including the implications for each. I've never had a more interesting discussion than the ones we had last week! Maths. Big Time!

Mid of last week, we have our eyes set on a particular lot which costs $560thou. We were ready to gamble but there was fear in our hearts. First, it will deplete our savings and I REALLY need to have plenty of casual work to have enough funds before the land settlement late this year. This is just in case the amount being loaned to us by the bank doesn't meet the amount we need. And another implication is we REALLY need to sell our lot in Manila.

But God in His goodness had a different plan for us.

Fireproofing Our Marriage

It's been crazy busy the past few weeks. Family coming over to have a quick Sydney holiday prompting us to have day long-drives around the State, inter-State and day trips within the City. Tiring and a bit expensive but I'm not complaining, a little worried yes, but happy. Not only were we able to bring our visitors to these places, my family was also able to spend time with one another. At the end of the day, I'm a happier wife and mum.

It's been a while since I last wrote not because I didn't have the time but I didn't have the inspiration to write. Well, now I do.

Last night, during our upper Household Prayer meeting, we watched the movie, Fireproof. Have you watched it? Well, if you haven't, try watching it WITH YOUR SPOUSE.

Here is the official trailer of the movie.

STOP!

Don't read on if you do not want any spoilers. But if you're intrigued, read on :-)

It basically is about a couple who were undergoing rough times in their married life on the verge of divorce when hubby, with help of his Dad, tried to save their marriage. There are a lot of points and quotes from the movie that are worth reflecting not only for one's self but as a couple...one of the reasons why I liked the movie. The group had a quick sharing after the movie but even when we were driving home, Alvin and I can't stop discussing about the movie.

Let me share some of the quotes from the movie:

I tried to Google the movie quotes and  chanced upon one blog that really wrote the quotes. What a great find! I can now go back and reflect on each one at a time :-)

The best lessons for me:

“Fireproof does not mean that a fire will never come. But that when it comes, you’ll be able to withstand it.”

“God made marriage to be for life. That’s why you gotta keep your vows to your spouse. You gotta ask God to teach you how to be a good husband/wife. And don’t just follow your heart, because your heart can be deceived. But you gotta lead your heart.”

" You never leave your partner, especially during a fire."

“When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies. But after he wins her heart and marries her, he often stops learning about her. If the amount he studied her before marriage was equal to a high school degree, he should continue to learn about her until he gains a college degree, a master’s degree, and ultimately a doctorate degree. It is a lifelong journey that draws his heart ever close to hers.”

Highlight of the movie was the husband's journey of discoveries and  transformation as he tried to save their marriage. His father gave him a 40-day challenge and lucky me, I chanced upon another blog that listed the 40 day- challenge Caleb had to do to save their marriage.

After finishing the 40-day challenge and his wife discovers about it, she asked what day he's in. When he mentioned it's already Day 43. Wife is confused why he's still in to it, he says: "Who says it should stop at 40 days?"

Yup, we can always do something to improve our marriage, everyday.

True enough, marriage is a never ending learning process. You may be married for a long time now but you will still never run out of opportunities to learn new things together.

So if you and hubby finally decide to watch the movie, prepare the box of tissue!

Enjoy :-)

Financial Harmony

It's Friday and I'm blogging! Hurrah!!!!!

I have so many things to write, there are so many things I want to write but for this entry, I will only be focusing on what hubby and I learnt just last weekend.

For starters, the tension between us has been building up the last two months when it came to my "need" to travel. It's a very long story and it would take ages for me to finish writing about it but to make the long story short, I was starting to get frustrated and annoyed because he just can't seem to understand where I am coming from. I am thankful I was able to let go off some steam when I had a chat with one of my friends, who like me, enjoys travelling. She gave some inputs but listening alone to my rants was more than enough. Among the things we both agreed on was for me to pray about it. And I did.

No, I did not pray that hubby would change his mind and agree with all my crazy plans...but I prayed for myself and for the ill feelings I was starting to have inside me. I and my friend had the chat Saturday, Sunday morning I felt I was ready to submit to what hubby wants provided I tell him all the reasons why I would like to travel. I knew where hubby is coming from especially being that he is the head of the family but I did not understand his reasons. All I wanted was for him to see and accept all my reasons as valid. I wanted him to understand where I am coming from. But I still waited and continued to pray. The answer came the next day. I was surprised to receive the answer that soon! While browsing through my Instagram account, I chanced upon a reflection for couples entitled: Financial Harmony by Gary Chapman.

Boom!

I e-mailed it to hubby.

The following morning while preparing for work, we both discussed about it. Hubby said his piece and I said mine. I guess I was already emotionally prepared  to hear what he had to say unlike the past couple weeks where every time he tries to explain his side what I just heard were interpreted as being negative. Killjoy. Discussing about it was a big relief but the best part of it all? Hubby ended our conversation with: "Okay, let's meet halfway."

Now I have come to terms to holding and waiting for what I want with no ill feelings whatsoever. Even if we will still be travelling I am not pushing the idea unlike before. I haven't started planning and I don't plan to :-) As they say, good things come to those who wait.

Happy weekend everyone!

Refreshed, Recharged, Renewed

Hubby and I spent the weekend attending a Marriage Enrichment Retreat.

There were plenty of realizations.

There were plenty of discussions.

There were plenty of affirmations.

Plans were made.

Vows renewed.

Hurts forgiven.

We're all set to achieve our goals.

We're ready to go the next mile!

Partners indeed. Truly, we are God's gift to one another.

:)

Note: the weekend retreat was such a wonderful experience and i think if i write everything that transpired there, it would lose it's being memorable and special :)

So pardon me...probably soon I'd have the time and I'd be ready to share that part of our journey :)

Marriage Enrichment Retreat

After almost four years in the community as CFC members and almost seven years as a married couple, we can finally attend our MER.

I am a believer that it's not a loss to attend such activities.

I know in the end, we'll even benefit from it.

I'm so looling forward to this weekend. Another long drive for us. Another opportunity to learn from other couples. Another opportunity to nurture our relationship as husband and wife. Another opportunity to grow together.

I'm just lucky and thankful that hubby doesn't find these activities, corny or a waste of time. I'm happy to see that like me, he is very much willing to invest time and effort for our marriage.

Watch this space for my full kwento.

Going Against the Usual

I was actually inspired to write something about Vday after reading my friend's blog. Hey Mitch, I had a good laugh with your blog, Valentine's Day 2013. Yes, nakakaumay nga hahaha

So here's my share of Vday stories :)

I had work that day so I had to get up earlier than usual.

While the kids slept, Alvin and I had breakfast together, coffee and kwentuhan. It was one of those rare moments for us, so for me it was already our Vday date. Hehehe

What about gifts?

Not making an excuse or anything, I'm not expecting anything from Alvin. I have reached the point in our relationship where I have realized that my husband shows me how he loves me, everyday. He gives me gifts and lets me buy things I like even if there is no occasion. More than the material things, he makes and does a lot of small things, which for me are big proofs that he loves me!

That is what actually inspired me to write a poem for him, as my Vday gift.

I actually made a simple poem for Alvin. I've long planned about it. But since I was working that day I decided to just email it to him hehehe I thought sending him an e-mail that day with that poem was still a surprise, right? :)

I customised the poem: How Do I Love Thee....

My poem went like this:

How do you love me?

Let me count the ways....

You love me when.....

...and then I listed down all the small things he has been doing for me and the kids like waking up early at weekends to cook breaking for us, watching a movie with me which he really doesn't like, making me coffee in the morning, making me movie snack at night time, getting me a cold glass of water when he's all set to sleep, when he takes charge of the kids when he gets home from work, when he puts up with all my craziness and mood swings whenever I have my PMS...when he gives me massages, when he doesn't disturb me when I'm eating and the kids need some washing after the use of the toilet...and the like...I listed a lot ;)

My purpose? I just wanted to let him know that I remember all those "small things" he has been doing and I appreciate all of it. All of it goes to show that he really loves me ;) I'd rather have those "small things" than having a bouquet of roses for Vday :)

He was bubblier when he got home. He thanked me for the poem and told me that he liked it. And believe it or not, it worked wonders hehehe I've seen him doing more of those "small things" because he probably realized that I was taking notice of his efforts.

Anyway, even if I wanted to share it, I deliberately didn't because I knew almost everyone will be sharing something about Vday hehehe. Like what my friend Mitch said, sandamakmak nga ang posts about flowers, cards and dates lol :)

Anyway, he still had something during our HHPM the next day. The hubbies gave each of the wifeys a long-stemmed tulip and honoured us before our discussion.

Happy to hear hubby say how he appreciates me and how I bring out the best in him :)

There, my Vday might have been ordinary, but who needs that one day of expensive flowers, chocolates, fully-booked restaurants, when we can make everyday Vday, right?

Pruning Time for Us

Can't help but get teary-eyed when I read yesterday two of Bo Sanchez' most recent blogs :) It reminded me of what hubby and I recently had to go through, as a couple.

Here are some of the parts that struck me:

"Marriages Can’t Be Strong Without Gratitude

Do you know why married people have affairs? It’s not because of sex. It’s because they grumble instead of being grateful.Your spouse has 90% of what you need.But because you’re not grateful for that 90%, you search for that missing 10% in a mistress. Someone fresh. Someone prettier. Someone more affectionate. Someone who smells nice. But when you go home, your wife smells of paksiw. She isn’t affectionate because she’s tired, taking care of the kids the entire day."

"I realized something very important. I realized that I grew the most not during the times when everything was smooth. Or the times when everything was going my way. I realized that I grew the most during the times when there was intense trouble. Intense pain. I grew the most when I was attacked from all directions and I couldn’t breathe anymore.

That’s when God stretched me. I have one word for you about trouble: Get used to it.
Because trouble is the birthplace for your greatest growth. Be grateful for the blessings behind your trials."

I think mentioned in my previous blog that the "ending of 2011 was one crazy one" but I also mentioned that "all is well now."

You see, during the Christmas holidays (yes, of all times!), Alvin and I, just kept on fighting! We were fighting every other day! Will fight today, kiss and make up the next day, then fight the next day again! As in! It was sooo tiring and emotionally draining!

Maybe, he reached his saturation point, and I reached mine as well! In other words, we were both topak. I was so close to quitting! That was how serious it was!

I will not wash our dirty linens here because I believe it is up for us to settle them and get rid of them, and of course, as a sign of respect for hubby. So sorry, hehehe. But it was like we were back to square one! You know, our fights when we were still bf-gf! In our heart-to-heart talk, we did acknowledge that the "monsters" are back! Monsters that we thought have left when Liam came to our lives! The last fight that we had for 2011 was the worst of all fights!!! Even Liam sensed something was wrong with us. :(

The thing is, when we have these fights, we are not the type who settles them before we sleep on the day we fought. We let each other breathe and think. We give each other time to be mad and to be sober. We don't rush things, thinking we might end up hurting each other more. We give each space. So after all the space and the time, we sat down and talked, tried to iron out the kinks and smoothen the road ahead of us. It was the best way to start 2012 :)

Well, after reading Bo's blogs, I felt that yes, we passed through a prunning stage. I admit, one of my faults is always looking at the 10% that hubby misses as a husband and as a father, and not zero in on the 90% that he does for us.

But all is well now. I think, yes, it's hard and it's very painful to pass through that prunning stage again but it was refreshing and joyful when we surpassed that stage, together.

We both think those fights brought out the worst in us. BUT it also brought out the best in us, especially after all those reflections, realizations and heart to heart talks!

And with all those fights, wish ko lang, di masundan si Sam! ;p

Five Chapters

I am writing this a day before our fifth wedding anniversary.

Alvin and I have been a couple (bf-gf) for a decade now but only a husband and a wife for five years. Is there a difference? Many. To those who are married or who have been married, you know and you can understand what I mean.

Two weeks ago I was doing the draft for my second term paper. Our topic for this term zeroed in on Sacraments and I found myself reading a lot of things about the Sacrament of Marriage. At the end of one reading there was a reflection part where it was asked: If you are to write your own book about marriage, what would be the title? What will be the chapter titles of your book? We had to expound on each chapter.

As I scribbled down my reflections I suddenly found myself already reflecting on my own marriage. As a result, my book's title will be: "A Work in Progress." In our wedsite, we wrote that as we start our journey as husband and wife, we don't know what the future awaits...but, after five years in marriage, there are now a few things that we can share.

Personally, the numbers are senseless on its own. What gives meaning to this number are the experiences that we have had for the last five years. The highs and lows that we shared. The joys and the tears. All of these make the quality component of our marriage. To name a few -- our struggle to finish our graduate courses on our 1st year; to adjust to the duties, responsibilities, joys and pains of parenthood for our first-born on our second year; the adjustment, sacrifices and hardships we had to endure and surpass as a family as we uprooted ourselves from our comfort zones and start all over again when we migrated to Sydney on our third year; the adjustment and sacrifices we had to do as our family became bigger, with me getting pregnant with our second child for our fourth year; and the big decision to put my career on hold for the welfare of the kids for our fifth year. I haven't mentioned the fights and arguments that we were able to settle, the times both of us wanted to get out but decided to stay, the times we had to let go of our ego, the times we had to forgive and forget, the times we chose to love in spite of and despite of. The times we had to go an extra mile for the other. Without all of these things, the number 5 will be meaningless for us.

We are now done with the first five chapters of our book and our journey continues. We still don't know what the next five years (and hopefully more years) will bring but just like what we wrote on our wedsite before we got married, "with love, faith, and blessings from The One, Up Above, they know everything will be well" and that being married to each other is the best thing that ever happened to the two of us...

Happy Anniversary my dear Vinot! Love you to the moon and back!

April 28, 2006...five years and two kids ago :)

Harmless Friendships?

Last week, while waiting for my turn on my usual pre-natal check-up, I chanced upon something interesting in the book I was reading. I was reading "Committed" by Elizabeth Gilbert (also of Eat.Pray.Love). I wanted to share it with Alvin right away but I had to wait until yesterday for me to read it to him. We were having a lazy Sunday afternoon and I really enjoyed our conversation, and our exchange of insights on the topic that I have just read to him.

So I'm posting that part of the book and hopefully, married people like us, can be more cautious when we form new friendships or continue to enrich "harmless friendships."

"But Glass, in her research, discovered that if you dig a little deeper into people's infidelities, you can almost always see how the affair started long before the first stolen kiss. Most affairs, begin, Glass wrote, when a husband or a wife makes a new friend, and an apparently harmless intimacy is born. You don't sense the danger as it's happening, because what is wrong with friendship? Why can't we have friends of the opposite sex -- or of the same sex, for that matter -- even if we are married?

The answer,as Dr. Glass explained, is that, nothing is wrong with a married person launching a friendship outside matrimony -- so as long as the "walls and windows" of the relationship remain in the correct places. It was Glass's theory that every healthy marriage is composed of walls and windows. The windows are the aspects of your relationship that are open to the world -- that is, the necessary gaps through which you interact with family and friends; the walls are the barriers of trust which you guard the most intimate secrets of your marriage.

What often happens, though, during so-called harmless friendships, is that you begin sharing intimacies with your new friend that belong hidden in your marriage. You reveal secrets about yourself -- your deepest yearnings and frustrations-- and it feels good to be so exposed. You throw open a window where there really ought to be a solid, weight-bearing wall, and soon you find yourself spilling out your secret heart with this new person. Not wanting your spouse to feel jealous, you keep the details of your new friendship hidden. In so doing, you have now created a problem: You have just built a wall between you and your spouse, where there ought to be free circulation of air and light. The entire architecture of your matrimonal intimacy has therefore been re-arranged. Every old wall is now a giant picture window; every old window is now boarded up like a crack house. You have just established the perfect blueprint for infidelity without even noticing."

"And it's true. You didn't see it coming. But you did build it and you could have stopped it if you'd acted faster. The moment you found yourself sharing secrets with a new friend that really ought to have belonged to your spouse, there was, according to Dr. Glass, a much smarter and more honest oath to be taken."

--from Committed, by Elizabeth Gilbert (Bloomsbury Publishing, Copyright 2010)

Now, what am I driving at? Well many thoughts came into my mind, the piece does not only refer to the hubbys (although, personally, I think that men, are more prone to having affairs within a marriage), wives can very much commit the mistake or fall into the trap as well (especially in cases where the wife discovers shortly after marriage that she really doesn't know the person she got married to...or in cases where the "truth" finally is discovered and the wife becomes disillusioned). Maybe, unlike with the males, the females are more "discreet" about what they feel towards a new male friend, afraid of what society might "label" them. Aside from this, divorce or separations are not as popular in our culture so even if the wife or hubby does feel something for the new friend, most of the time, they probabaly just keep it to themselves or they stick it out with the person they married until the end.

So does this mean we should all be paranoid with the old and new formed friendships with the opposite sex? I don't think so. Does this mean, we have to be on guard of our spouses (and ourselves at that) on the old and new friendships they (and we) have with the opposite sex? Probably. It was just actually a good read for me. It was one of the things Liz Gilbert and Felipe discussed first before they plunged into marriage, and I think, it's a good one. Well, if you are married or planning to get married, I also think, it's not yet too late to have a good discussion on each other's insights regarding this matter. I am no love guru but I think the point of all these is not only about love but more so of trust and how you can continue to protect the "walls and windows" of your marriage despite the so many temptations around us. Marriage, after all, is HARDWORK.

Friends as Lovers

Alvin and I started out as friends and I am so thankful. My failed relationship (relationships? hehehe) prior to meeting him probably lacked the friendship factor. We met through common friends and the first time we met he really didn't get a good impression on me. First, on our way to our common friend's gig, we almost hit another car in UP and of course I heard him curse the driver. Next, I learned right away that he was a Frat member. So no way am I going to be friends with this guy.

On our friend's gig he was busy and seemed to enjoy the company of my other female friend, of course I had our other friends as well that night so it didn't matter if we talked or not.

Nakakatawa minsan ang tadhana pero, as they say, God's ways are not our ways. To make the long story short, we found ourselves (together with 2 other female friends) constantly going out until his "crush" left for abroad. Now, left with another female friend, we still continued to hang out until it was time for him to go to Japan for six months. During the time he brings me home after a gimik, my sister would often tease me. But I'd deny it telling her and trying to convince her that we are just friends. Just that. I am sure of that. A week before he left, I admit, he was starting to have a soft spot in my heart (though I was still nursing a very broken heart at that time), because he is soooo good. Ang bait. Of course I didn't pay attention to what I was feeling. Admiration is not harmful.

While in Japan, we exchanged e-mails. He shared stories of how life has been and his self-discoveries. Most of which were focused on a girl best friend who was slowly starting to be more than a best friend for him. So in short, we had "love notes." I was telling him my stories and updates regarding my relationship. I'd give him the girl's point of view and constantly tried to lift his spirits whenever something not good happens regarding his dilemma. The funny thing was, when my email was so full already I asked his helped (being a late bloomer with the internet and all) in fixing my e-mails. Ayun, he got to read all, as in all of the emails of my ex to me! So there was something to tease about again.

When he got home from Japan, kala ko, mag-iiba, but he continued to keep in touch with me and another female friend. We continued to hang out and share stories. I think I was with him when the "big no" was already given by his female best friend. He was also there when I finally decided that I needed to move on with my life already. We burned our phone lines! As in, telebabad galore! Talking about how our day went and much more.

I won't elaborate anymore what had happened (that's another story and longer one), but through phone calls almost every night and meetings 2-3 times a week, the two of us were surprised to find ourselves feeling something different towards the other, much more than friendship. I can't be thankful enough that we knew each other's attitudes first (no pretentions whatsoever), before we decided to take the risk -- of risking our friendship in favor of a boy-girl relationship. I am thankful that we knew of each other's moods and likes and dislikes, and dreams and hopes and plans for the future, opinion on faith on politics, on everything under the sun, before we took the next step. I am glad that we knew each other well first, well in the sense that even if one does not talk, we already know what goes inside his head or what the other is feeling. I am thankful that we got to say whatever we liked to say even if it hurts already (hey, true friends are supposed to be there to remind you and say things to you, rub things on your face, even if you don't want to hear it right?)

Now that we are already married, it sometimes occurs to me what would have happened if we were not friends to start with. Maybe, just maybe, we would not end up together. I'd probably see myself trying too much and end up making trial and error.Now when things don't go well for us as a couple, I can say that it helps that we can separate ourselves from our role as a spouse and become a friend first. We see the problem in a different angle and gets to understand the other better. Looking at our parents now, and seeing that they are so near at the "empty nest stage" in their lives, I can't help but realize that friendship is indeed the best foundation for any relationship. When the time comes whe all our children have grown and it's just the two of us again whose left, I think friendship will still play a vital role. In the end it will be just the two of us again. If we are not friends, I don;t know how we'll spend the rest of our lives together. I am glad I took the risk. I am glad we took the risk. The challenge now is how do we maintain the friendship in our relationship? That is another story :)