A Friendly Reminder

"Maybe God wants you to stay put."

This was the message I got through my friend Mitch at the time I was stressing myself with the series of unfortunate events that happened the past couple of weeks at home.

When she told me this, it made me stop and reflect. She does have a point. I have been running like a headless chicken the past couple of months, being pre-occupied with work, my accreditation requirements and of course, my duties and responsibilities at home. I know that I can multi-task, but yes, I was pushing myself to my limits.

Baka ako rin naman, sinasabihan na ni Lord, "Time first muna, Jeana."

Well, this message was affirmed when I attended a staff prayer session early Wednesday morning. The reading chosen was taken from Mark 6:30-34. The passage that really struck me was: "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."

I had goosebumps that morning and became misty-eyed.

Just three years of casual work and yet so much have changed. Before, if I get ONE call in two weeks or once a week, I already feel like it's a miracle. When more opportunities came, I was happy with 3 calls, making sure that my Mondays and Tuesdays remained sacred for Liam and Sam. Now, I feel like I'm not working as a casual anymore because there are weeks when I am working for five days straight! It's like already working full-time!

My time with the kids did get affected, especially Sam. And since I tried to catch up with every opportunity I had, it became physically exhausting for me. If before I found my work as my "relaxing time" well, not anymore, especially if the class I handled for that day is just physically and mentally draining.
Tired from work and tired at home.

I was asking myself what made me accept and accept when before I could easily turn down a call without second thoughts? It's my accreditation. I was trying to meet the 180 days of work requirement so I can already start writing my reports and hopefully submit all the requirements by the end of the school year.

Right now I feel, naagapan. I remember back in college, during my last sem, I was in the same state -- pushing myself too hard until my body gave up. I just collapsed one day and got sick for four days. Right now, I'm feeling a bit under the weather as I strained my voice too much yesterday and the cold (very) weather here is not helping as well. So even if I have a million and one pending house chores over the weekend, I'm stopping and just taking it easy. One day at a time. One chore at a time...because if I don't baka maulit or baka mas malala na ang mangyari and with two kids depending on me, bawal ako magkasakit.

I think God used my kids and my eye as my wake-up call because He knows it will definitely get my attention. Well, it did :)

I'm still worried about my 180 days requirement because I want my accreditation done and over with. But come to think of it, God started to roll the ball and He was the one who made me realize: start fixing you accreditation. So WHY worry now? He is in control. He will take care of everything. Wag daw ako apurado.

Back to basics. Back to my real priorities.

Thanks Mitch for that friendly reminder, you have been an angel in disguise :)

P.S. Mitch is the wife of hubby's fraternity brod. I can't exactly remember the first time we met...binyag ba ni Zach? hehehe We didn't get a lot of opportunities to nurture a "normal" friendship as we only get to see one another on special occasions like weddings and baptisms. It didn't help that my family already migrated here. But despite the distance we kept each other in the loop through FB, blogs, pms and now Instagram. Readings her blogs and through our exchange of emails allowed me to get to know her better.  I feel, if we met each other early on, we will definitely the best of friends by now! No kidding! We share a lot of common interests -- reading, blogging, travelling.... I feel we share the same qualities -- organized, OC-OC, among others. Baka kung nasa Manila ako, nagkakape na kami every week! hehe :) I'm not sure if we are of the same age, but if we are, then she is one of the very few friends that I have whose maturity and wisdom I admire a lot :) And I can only wish for our friendship to blossom and be blessed over the next couple of years despite the distance!

Friends as Lovers

Alvin and I started out as friends and I am so thankful. My failed relationship (relationships? hehehe) prior to meeting him probably lacked the friendship factor. We met through common friends and the first time we met he really didn't get a good impression on me. First, on our way to our common friend's gig, we almost hit another car in UP and of course I heard him curse the driver. Next, I learned right away that he was a Frat member. So no way am I going to be friends with this guy.

On our friend's gig he was busy and seemed to enjoy the company of my other female friend, of course I had our other friends as well that night so it didn't matter if we talked or not.

Nakakatawa minsan ang tadhana pero, as they say, God's ways are not our ways. To make the long story short, we found ourselves (together with 2 other female friends) constantly going out until his "crush" left for abroad. Now, left with another female friend, we still continued to hang out until it was time for him to go to Japan for six months. During the time he brings me home after a gimik, my sister would often tease me. But I'd deny it telling her and trying to convince her that we are just friends. Just that. I am sure of that. A week before he left, I admit, he was starting to have a soft spot in my heart (though I was still nursing a very broken heart at that time), because he is soooo good. Ang bait. Of course I didn't pay attention to what I was feeling. Admiration is not harmful.

While in Japan, we exchanged e-mails. He shared stories of how life has been and his self-discoveries. Most of which were focused on a girl best friend who was slowly starting to be more than a best friend for him. So in short, we had "love notes." I was telling him my stories and updates regarding my relationship. I'd give him the girl's point of view and constantly tried to lift his spirits whenever something not good happens regarding his dilemma. The funny thing was, when my email was so full already I asked his helped (being a late bloomer with the internet and all) in fixing my e-mails. Ayun, he got to read all, as in all of the emails of my ex to me! So there was something to tease about again.

When he got home from Japan, kala ko, mag-iiba, but he continued to keep in touch with me and another female friend. We continued to hang out and share stories. I think I was with him when the "big no" was already given by his female best friend. He was also there when I finally decided that I needed to move on with my life already. We burned our phone lines! As in, telebabad galore! Talking about how our day went and much more.

I won't elaborate anymore what had happened (that's another story and longer one), but through phone calls almost every night and meetings 2-3 times a week, the two of us were surprised to find ourselves feeling something different towards the other, much more than friendship. I can't be thankful enough that we knew each other's attitudes first (no pretentions whatsoever), before we decided to take the risk -- of risking our friendship in favor of a boy-girl relationship. I am thankful that we knew of each other's moods and likes and dislikes, and dreams and hopes and plans for the future, opinion on faith on politics, on everything under the sun, before we took the next step. I am glad that we knew each other well first, well in the sense that even if one does not talk, we already know what goes inside his head or what the other is feeling. I am thankful that we got to say whatever we liked to say even if it hurts already (hey, true friends are supposed to be there to remind you and say things to you, rub things on your face, even if you don't want to hear it right?)

Now that we are already married, it sometimes occurs to me what would have happened if we were not friends to start with. Maybe, just maybe, we would not end up together. I'd probably see myself trying too much and end up making trial and error.Now when things don't go well for us as a couple, I can say that it helps that we can separate ourselves from our role as a spouse and become a friend first. We see the problem in a different angle and gets to understand the other better. Looking at our parents now, and seeing that they are so near at the "empty nest stage" in their lives, I can't help but realize that friendship is indeed the best foundation for any relationship. When the time comes whe all our children have grown and it's just the two of us again whose left, I think friendship will still play a vital role. In the end it will be just the two of us again. If we are not friends, I don;t know how we'll spend the rest of our lives together. I am glad I took the risk. I am glad we took the risk. The challenge now is how do we maintain the friendship in our relationship? That is another story :)