Alvin and I started out as friends and I am so thankful. My failed relationship (relationships? hehehe) prior to meeting him probably lacked the friendship factor. We met through common friends and the first time we met he really didn't get a good impression on me. First, on our way to our common friend's gig, we almost hit another car in UP and of course I heard him curse the driver. Next, I learned right away that he was a Frat member. So no way am I going to be friends with this guy.
On our friend's gig he was busy and seemed to enjoy the company of my other female friend, of course I had our other friends as well that night so it didn't matter if we talked or not.
Nakakatawa minsan ang tadhana pero, as they say, God's ways are not our ways. To make the long story short, we found ourselves (together with 2 other female friends) constantly going out until his "crush" left for abroad. Now, left with another female friend, we still continued to hang out until it was time for him to go to Japan for six months. During the time he brings me home after a gimik, my sister would often tease me. But I'd deny it telling her and trying to convince her that we are just friends. Just that. I am sure of that. A week before he left, I admit, he was starting to have a soft spot in my heart (though I was still nursing a very broken heart at that time), because he is soooo good. Ang bait. Of course I didn't pay attention to what I was feeling. Admiration is not harmful.
While in Japan, we exchanged e-mails. He shared stories of how life has been and his self-discoveries. Most of which were focused on a girl best friend who was slowly starting to be more than a best friend for him. So in short, we had "love notes." I was telling him my stories and updates regarding my relationship. I'd give him the girl's point of view and constantly tried to lift his spirits whenever something not good happens regarding his dilemma. The funny thing was, when my email was so full already I asked his helped (being a late bloomer with the internet and all) in fixing my e-mails. Ayun, he got to read all, as in all of the emails of my ex to me! So there was something to tease about again.
When he got home from Japan, kala ko, mag-iiba, but he continued to keep in touch with me and another female friend. We continued to hang out and share stories. I think I was with him when the "big no" was already given by his female best friend. He was also there when I finally decided that I needed to move on with my life already. We burned our phone lines! As in, telebabad galore! Talking about how our day went and much more.
I won't elaborate anymore what had happened (that's another story and longer one), but through phone calls almost every night and meetings 2-3 times a week, the two of us were surprised to find ourselves feeling something different towards the other, much more than friendship. I can't be thankful enough that we knew each other's attitudes first (no pretentions whatsoever), before we decided to take the risk -- of risking our friendship in favor of a boy-girl relationship. I am thankful that we knew of each other's moods and likes and dislikes, and dreams and hopes and plans for the future, opinion on faith on politics, on everything under the sun, before we took the next step. I am glad that we knew each other well first, well in the sense that even if one does not talk, we already know what goes inside his head or what the other is feeling. I am thankful that we got to say whatever we liked to say even if it hurts already (hey, true friends are supposed to be there to remind you and say things to you, rub things on your face, even if you don't want to hear it right?)
Now that we are already married, it sometimes occurs to me what would have happened if we were not friends to start with. Maybe, just maybe, we would not end up together. I'd probably see myself trying too much and end up making trial and error.Now when things don't go well for us as a couple, I can say that it helps that we can separate ourselves from our role as a spouse and become a friend first. We see the problem in a different angle and gets to understand the other better. Looking at our parents now, and seeing that they are so near at the "empty nest stage" in their lives, I can't help but realize that friendship is indeed the best foundation for any relationship. When the time comes whe all our children have grown and it's just the two of us again whose left, I think friendship will still play a vital role. In the end it will be just the two of us again. If we are not friends, I don;t know how we'll spend the rest of our lives together. I am glad I took the risk. I am glad we took the risk. The challenge now is how do we maintain the friendship in our relationship? That is another story :)
