Two weeks ago I had the chance to do an on-line retreat in preparation for the feast of St. Mary of the Cross Mackillop (Australia's first saint). The theme for day one was The Potter God. We used the material in one of our HHPMs and it allowed me to ponder more on the message of that session.
I found myself asking these questions:
First, have I already achieved my purpose in life? I am now a mother and a wife -- two of the biggest dreams I had which were given to me with God's grace. Is this my purpose? Which actually led me to my next question: if this is not yet my purpose, then what else does God want me to do? What is His purpose for me? Is being a mother, a wife and a teacher only a part of His bigger plan?
Have you asked the same question to yourself? I am pretty sure, like me, you are also at peace and happily contented with what you have now, but have you ever thought of, what if God wants to still use you in a different way?
It has been two weeks since I have asked those questions to myself and I have found myself not even being close to answering it. I know it will take rime. I need His grace and wisdom for me to find out. As for now, I am continuously asking and seeking His will during my me-times and quiet moments. May He soon lead me to the answers. May He soon lead me to where He wants me to be.
What about you, do you know what your purpose is?
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
The Beauty Of Having A "No"
Most often than not, when we pray about something, we always hope (or expect?) that God would give us a "yes." Years ago, I was like that. Looking back at my journey, I can now only smile on the times I had a "No" from God. Now, I am even thankful that He said No to some of my prayers in the past. Time they say will reveal everything and true enough, now I am seeing the wisdom and understanding the reasons why He had to say No.
There were a lot of no's but my biggest ones?
He said no when I told Him let me finish my Dentistry course.
He said no when I asked Him to fix my previous relationship.
He said no when I said I didn't want to finish my Master's degree.
He said no when I said I wanted to defer my Certificate Course on Religious Ed here in Sydney.
He said no when I said I didn't want to finish my Master's degree.
He said no when I said I wanted to defer my Certificate Course on Religious Ed here in Sydney.
He said no when I asked Him I wanted to be a mum straight away after getting married.
He said no when I asked Him I wanted a full time job in Australia.
He said no when I asked Him to give Alvin an engineering job straight away in Australia.
And recently, He said no when I asked Him to have our annual family travel to the US.
Looking back, I now know:
He said no so I can be stronger.
He said no so I can be more faithful.
He said no so I can be a witness to others.
He said no so I can inspire others.
He said no so I can be wiser.
He said no to prepare my path.
He said no to help me with my future.
He said no to show me what great and bigger plans He has in store for me.
It took me years to realise why He said no. He said no so I can have what I have now and appreciate all of it too.
I know that the waiting part is hard, harder to do than say, but if you just open your eyes and your heart, believe me, in the end it will all be worth it.
So embrace the no's in your life. They are all part of His plan. They are blessings in disguise.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Finding Something Good
I have been literally been staying on bed the past couple of days. "Inihiga ko talaga" because I have been barking like a mad dog the past couple of days, coupled with blocked or sometimes runny nose, migraine and a few episodes of fever. Not happy, big time!
Well, I and the kids learned a good song from one of the cartoons we watched a month ago. The line goes "If something bad happens, turn it around, find something good!" That is what precisely what I am doing or what I have been doing to keep me sane.
What are the good that turned up after me getting sick?
I got to catch up on my reading.
I got to do a lot of play based learning I have been planning to do with Kuya Liam and Sam.
I got to have whole body massages from Papa A every night! It did help me get a good night's rest and sleep.
I got to see how my kids love me. Sam giving me a balloon before going to school and Kuya Liam writing a love letter for me.
I got to let go of my oc-ness some more, keeping my eyes closed with the mess at home and the chores at that. What do you know, hubby stepped up and took over! Kaya naman pala eh!
I got to pray and reflect more.
I got to realise a lot of things:
- I am thankful for my in laws. Ours is not a perfect and harmonious relationship everyday of our lives especially with the personality differences but I would like to give them credit because they have been a great help to us especially the past couple of days! I was telling my friend, I might be "dead" by now if they were not around when I got sick. Not only when I got sick but during the time I started with my five week teaching block. Extra-- My MIL also knows there should only be one Queen in every home, so for that alone, I'm thankful. ;-)
-The gift of today. Yes, I am the type who loves to plan things ahead of time. But hey, I should slow down now and enjoy what the present has to present. The class I was handling taught me the real meaning of one day at a time.
- I cannot go work full time again. With the pressure and stress that went with me taking over one class for five weeks was a big wake up call! Nope, in this kind of set-up, the many little things that needs to be done everyday, taking my time from my kids? No. I got to appreciate my being a casual more when I can easily turn down an offer over a more important family matter. I don't plan to miss out on special school events of my kids! Just let me get over with my accreditation and I'm all set to slow down. Three days a week is good for me. If there are teaching blocks, the longest I can take is two weeks. More than that? No.
-Health is wealth. I think I need not expand on that.
Do you find yourself in a bad situation? Turn it around, find something good, you might be surprised of what you'll discover.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Time First, Time Out!
The last two weeks have been really bad for us, health wise.
Yes, I was just asking Winter to be good to us, but no, I think she didn't have second thoughts of having us feel her arrival!
Strike One: Sam got the bug early last week. I had to ask permission to work on half day Monday, even if I didn't feel comfortable about it. Hey, my work is relieving someone who is away, so you understand why I can't be away. Anyway, her fever subsided but still had to stay home Wednesday because her tummy was still upset. In effect, I had to cancel my advanced booking for Wednesday.
Strike Two: I got an eye injury. Wednesday afternoon Sam accidentally injured my left eye, leaving me with no choice but to cancel my booking again on Thursday and Friday. It was impossible for me to work. First, the eye patch hindered me from doing my usual activities like driving. Second, the doctor told me so. Third, I was so nauseous, it reminded me why I don't want to get pregnant again! Kidding aside, it was painful and it was hard (especially for a person like me who is always on the go). In effect, we were not able to do much during the long weekend.
Strike Three: Liam got the bug as well. He showed signs as early as Saturday, but it was only yesterday when he actually felt it. Talk about bad timing. I know I wasn't giving the school a good impression when I kept on cancelling my bookings, but what can I do? Yesterday, I was called in AT WORK, 30 minutes before dismissal to collect my son. I knew I had to drop everything and leave because it was what everyone was expecting me to do. But yesterday was a big dilemma for me. With all the cancellations I made last week, I didn't have the guts to ask permission if I can do undertime again because of an emergency. I asked and pleaded to my son's school if they can keep him just until I finish my work. Initially, they agreed, but after fifteen minutes, the phone came ringing again. Imagine the torture I had to deal with yesterday. After the second call, I knew I had to face it full on, gather all my guts and ask permission again :(
Bonus: When I came to collect Liam, I was treated coldly by the school secretary. Even if she didn't utter a word, she made me feel like I'm a bad mum. That smirk on her face was just, arrrgh. Worse, before they released Liam to me, I had to endure being "lectured" by the school principal about having to organise people who can collect my son in cases like what happened yesterday AND about not having to let my son wait for a long time. I tried to explain where I was coming from -- the dilemma I had --but I was cut and the words that were uttered after that, were for me, a bit rude.
So yesterday was just horrible. Yes, I felt horrible emotionally. I felt so weak, physically. I actually haven't fully recovered from my eye injury as my head still had throbbing pains while I was at work, but I had to make a sacrifice just as so I will not jeopardise my work. I didn't lose it especially after the last straw: I had to again ring the school to cancel work, to inform them that my son is not able to go to school today and I need to stay with him.
Depressing, right?
I just had to laugh it off last night. Let go, let God.
Where was hubby, you ask? He was there all throughout, giving me the emotional support that I needed. He was my shock absorber. Siya inaway ko at sinungitan ko, big time. But he let me. He took it calmly and was ready to listen to my long story and rants. Knowing him, if only his office was much nearer and he hasn't just started with the new position, I'm pretty sure, he'd be the first one to volunteer on other days, just to give me a break. Oh well. Thankful he chose his battle hehehe ;)
Sending a LONG EMAIL to the school principal informing them that I was disappointed as to how the case was handled and receiving a phone call this morning giving an apology made things a lot better.
Liam is on the road to recovery (pwera USOG!) and hopefully, this is the last straw of unfortunate events as home.
Lord, time first muna. Please?
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Truly Blessed - Take 2
Ang dami ko gusto isulat pero kulang ang oras.
And dami kong dapat ipagpasalamat. As in!
May dadaanang butas ng karayom, pero maayos ko rin yun...ngayon pa na inayos na Niya lahat!
Tunay nga, all shall be well.
Malaking hamon ang haharapin ko pero I will claim and believe like it already has happened. Come to think of it, wala na nga ako dapat ayusin, kasi inaayos na Niya lahat. Nagugulat na lang ako kasi umaayon lahat. Follow His lead na lang. He continues to affirm me and He continues to guide me every step of the way!
Salamat, Lord.
On another note, I can't hide my excitement for all the (good) things coming our way! All the plans, all the breaks and opportunities :) So many good things to really look forward to the coming months...starting next month! Hay, my patience is being tested again hehe :)
Thank you Lord, thank you Lord!
And dami kong dapat ipagpasalamat. As in!
May dadaanang butas ng karayom, pero maayos ko rin yun...ngayon pa na inayos na Niya lahat!
Tunay nga, all shall be well.
Malaking hamon ang haharapin ko pero I will claim and believe like it already has happened. Come to think of it, wala na nga ako dapat ayusin, kasi inaayos na Niya lahat. Nagugulat na lang ako kasi umaayon lahat. Follow His lead na lang. He continues to affirm me and He continues to guide me every step of the way!
Salamat, Lord.
On another note, I can't hide my excitement for all the (good) things coming our way! All the plans, all the breaks and opportunities :) So many good things to really look forward to the coming months...starting next month! Hay, my patience is being tested again hehe :)
Thank you Lord, thank you Lord!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Building Memories
We had our usual household prayer meeting last night and for our discussion, Alvin and I decided to show them the presentation: Interview with God.
This was not the first time I watched the presentation because it was used in one of our faculty prayer sessions at the Ateneo Grade School. The presentation is simple and yet for me, it was very powerful. That I think, is the reason why after more than ten years, I still remember it.
Going back to my story, for our sharing and discussion, we asked our members what part of the presentation struck them the most. We all agreed that there were so many things that you can actually use for reflection, but among all of it, the one that stood out in our reflection last night was the one saying: You worry too much about the future that you forget about the present, therefore, you don't get to live in the present nor the future.
Our other brothers and sisters gave very good sharing and their personal insights, we were all learning from each other. As parents to two very young kids, we can't help but get worried about too much. I think that is very much understandable. But the recent deaths of friends became instrumental for a change of heart for me. We spend too much time and energy building for our future, not realizing the reality of life being so temporary. That this day might just be our last day.
Last night's prayer meeting also became an avenue for me to explain to hubby why sometimes I want us to discuss the "what ifs" ... the "what if I am or he is taken already, abruptly (touchwood)."
Bottomline, hubby and I, decided that starting today, we will try to build more memories with our children. We will not wait for long weekends for us to make beautiful and happy memories. I cannot say that we will not be worried anymore, but we are placing our trust in Him. After all, He only has good things prepared for us. We want to make sure that (touchwood) when we are taken too soon from our children, we have made enough memories of us (with them and good memories at that!) for them to have and cherish, until they grow up.
When worrying does catch up on us, I will remember my favorite Gospel reading: Mathew 6: 24-35. It does wonders for me. It affirms me that all will be well and removes all the worries.
P.S. Tomorrow, we will continue making memories with our kids. Instead of eating out, we decided to bring our lunch out to the park. We will have barbie and a very simple family picnic :) Liam will be bringing his scooter. Hoping that the sunny weather forecast tomorrow will be accurate so we can enjoy our family time again :)
This was not the first time I watched the presentation because it was used in one of our faculty prayer sessions at the Ateneo Grade School. The presentation is simple and yet for me, it was very powerful. That I think, is the reason why after more than ten years, I still remember it.
Going back to my story, for our sharing and discussion, we asked our members what part of the presentation struck them the most. We all agreed that there were so many things that you can actually use for reflection, but among all of it, the one that stood out in our reflection last night was the one saying: You worry too much about the future that you forget about the present, therefore, you don't get to live in the present nor the future.
Our other brothers and sisters gave very good sharing and their personal insights, we were all learning from each other. As parents to two very young kids, we can't help but get worried about too much. I think that is very much understandable. But the recent deaths of friends became instrumental for a change of heart for me. We spend too much time and energy building for our future, not realizing the reality of life being so temporary. That this day might just be our last day.
Last night's prayer meeting also became an avenue for me to explain to hubby why sometimes I want us to discuss the "what ifs" ... the "what if I am or he is taken already, abruptly (touchwood)."
Bottomline, hubby and I, decided that starting today, we will try to build more memories with our children. We will not wait for long weekends for us to make beautiful and happy memories. I cannot say that we will not be worried anymore, but we are placing our trust in Him. After all, He only has good things prepared for us. We want to make sure that (touchwood) when we are taken too soon from our children, we have made enough memories of us (with them and good memories at that!) for them to have and cherish, until they grow up.
When worrying does catch up on us, I will remember my favorite Gospel reading: Mathew 6: 24-35. It does wonders for me. It affirms me that all will be well and removes all the worries.
P.S. Tomorrow, we will continue making memories with our kids. Instead of eating out, we decided to bring our lunch out to the park. We will have barbie and a very simple family picnic :) Liam will be bringing his scooter. Hoping that the sunny weather forecast tomorrow will be accurate so we can enjoy our family time again :)
Monday, May 21, 2012
"Be Still, I'm in Control"
I feel that this is God's present message to me.
Earlier this week, Alvin told me that his manager already gave them a heads up as to when their contract will expire. They have until August. Guaranteed. So that leaves us with only 3 months. Scary, huh?
Scary!
Especially that my work is only on a casual basis. Alvin, as usual was still cool and relaxed as his boss said that he would still enquire in the hr if his contract had chances of still being renewed (because of pending projects) so that he doesn't have to spend time and energy looking for a new job, if only in the end his contract will be renewed. Alvin feels and is confident that his will be.
Anyway, we're still not sure until he gets to sign the contract, right? In the same manner that it doesn't help that almost every week we see news of big companies, mostly in the construction field though, but still, closing and announcing bankruptcy. The economic instability of some European countries adds up to the possible reasons of my worries.
But it's weird, because in spite of all these news, I am not finding myself worrying. No anxiousness, no fear. I am actually surprised myself. I don't think about it. I get to have good sleep at night.
I guess I've already come to that state where I know God is taking care of everything. Anything bad that might happen along the way is part of His greater and better plan for us and our family.
I am still Lord, for I know you are in control. You are in charge.
I am keeping the faith.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Back to Service
For three Fridays now, hubby and I (with our two very young kids in tow) have been actively serving again in our community, the Couples for Christ.
It has been a very long time since we have facilitated, yet alone, facilitate as a couple.
Since hubby and I practically grew up in the community, we are used to facilitating and serving in the community, as individuals. Now that we are serving as a couple to other couples, I am seeing a new aspect of my hubby I have never seen before :)
To make the long story short, I am seeing a partner who is stepping up! :) I am actually delighted to see hubby become bolder in his service. I haven't seen this side before because I have always seen the "shy" and quiet him. I have always seen the hubby who takes the back seat. I was the one who is the more dominant one, so this time I am at the back seat, supporting him. I am letting him lead. I am submitting to my husband's decisions (which is not easy for me ok?). The act inspires me. He inspires me :)
I am also enjoying the fact that we are doing it together. It's like we have a new "project" or a new "baby."
It is a bit of a challenge to do this service every Friday nights (rain or shine), with two very young kids in tow. Not to mention that being facilitators not only require the Friday nights, but more. But we are up to the challenge. We are enjoying our service. I and hubby take delight and are humbled to have been tapped to serve Him again through our community.
We are happy to be back. We are thankful to be back.
It has been a very long time since we have facilitated, yet alone, facilitate as a couple.
Since hubby and I practically grew up in the community, we are used to facilitating and serving in the community, as individuals. Now that we are serving as a couple to other couples, I am seeing a new aspect of my hubby I have never seen before :)
To make the long story short, I am seeing a partner who is stepping up! :) I am actually delighted to see hubby become bolder in his service. I haven't seen this side before because I have always seen the "shy" and quiet him. I have always seen the hubby who takes the back seat. I was the one who is the more dominant one, so this time I am at the back seat, supporting him. I am letting him lead. I am submitting to my husband's decisions (which is not easy for me ok?). The act inspires me. He inspires me :)
I am also enjoying the fact that we are doing it together. It's like we have a new "project" or a new "baby."
It is a bit of a challenge to do this service every Friday nights (rain or shine), with two very young kids in tow. Not to mention that being facilitators not only require the Friday nights, but more. But we are up to the challenge. We are enjoying our service. I and hubby take delight and are humbled to have been tapped to serve Him again through our community.
We are happy to be back. We are thankful to be back.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Sunday School
"Why do we go to Church? Church is boring!"
These are just some of the not-so-nice questions and comments hubby and I hear from our son, Liam. He has been saying that since I can remember! He is only 4 years old.
Don't get my son wrong. He knows his prayers. He prays everyday and his prayers are very personal, but going to Church is another story.
Well, it doesn't help that the masses here are not as "alive" like that in Manila. Seldom do we get to have a high mass where all the songs are sung! So I really can't blame him if he finds going to Church and attending mass, boring.
Like what I wrote on my outputs in my Cert course, kids nowadays are very intelligent. They are very critical. You can't expect them to just embrace everything and believe what you ask them to. They have to understand what they are going into. I think my son, already belongs to this generation.
It is actually easier for us to just say:" we go to Church because we have to" or "because we said so." I have read a book which explained that using that excuse will do more harm than good. I don't want to impose or force on him as well, I think this aspect -- spirituality, comes with age, BUT, we don't want him growing up not getting used to the practices of our faith. I think exposing him to the practices will help him better understand what it is we believe. So what to do?
We usually have our mass every Saturday evenings but two weeks ago, hubby encouraged me to try the Sunday 9am mass. I really don't want attending the early morning mass on Sundays because the crying room, where we usually stay is filled with noisy, no, make that super noisy kids, and it adds up to my distraction. I really can't focus on the mass when kids are running around or crying or wailing! This is in addition to my distraction of minding my own kids, ok? And besides, we usually go out on Sundays -- trip to the City and the like (I know, NOT a valid excuse!)
Why the Sunday mass? Well, during the Sunday morning masses, the church has Children's liturgy. Before the 1st reading is read, the kids are asked to go up in front, the priest blesses them and someone takes care of the kids in another room. In that room, they have their Cathecism. The kids stay there until Offertory. Liam didn't go before because he was still too young, whenever we had mass on a Sunday due to an appointment on Saturday evenings.
Back to my story. Even if I was very hesitant, I agreed with hubby to try out the Sunday morning mass. Our first attempt, it was still the school holidays. We were not aware that during school holidays there was no Children's liturgy, in short, Liam was very disappointed because he was really looking forward to it!
Last Sunday, hubby wanted to ring the Parish office first to really make sure that there is a Children's liturgy. I told him, there was. I was pretty sure I heard that once school starts, Children's liturgy will re-commence.
So off we went. And guess what, Liam, didn't need any assistance going in front. He was really looking forward to it. He enjoyed the Children's liturgy and he even had an output! In addition, I was able to concentrate more especially during the Homily.
I asked him after the mass if he still felt that Church was boring. Your guess is as good as mine! He shook his head with a smile on his face. Hubby's idea paid off! "At least he gets entertained now and he learns pa, kesa naman puro -- Church is boring ang sinasabi niya," hubby commented.
Two days after, I was feeling under the weather. I was lying on the bed with his sister when he told me this: "Mama, the teacher in the church said when Mama or Papa are sick we should take care of them. So I will take care of you."
Oh well, I think Sunday school does work! :)
These are just some of the not-so-nice questions and comments hubby and I hear from our son, Liam. He has been saying that since I can remember! He is only 4 years old.
Don't get my son wrong. He knows his prayers. He prays everyday and his prayers are very personal, but going to Church is another story.
Well, it doesn't help that the masses here are not as "alive" like that in Manila. Seldom do we get to have a high mass where all the songs are sung! So I really can't blame him if he finds going to Church and attending mass, boring.
Like what I wrote on my outputs in my Cert course, kids nowadays are very intelligent. They are very critical. You can't expect them to just embrace everything and believe what you ask them to. They have to understand what they are going into. I think my son, already belongs to this generation.
It is actually easier for us to just say:" we go to Church because we have to" or "because we said so." I have read a book which explained that using that excuse will do more harm than good. I don't want to impose or force on him as well, I think this aspect -- spirituality, comes with age, BUT, we don't want him growing up not getting used to the practices of our faith. I think exposing him to the practices will help him better understand what it is we believe. So what to do?
We usually have our mass every Saturday evenings but two weeks ago, hubby encouraged me to try the Sunday 9am mass. I really don't want attending the early morning mass on Sundays because the crying room, where we usually stay is filled with noisy, no, make that super noisy kids, and it adds up to my distraction. I really can't focus on the mass when kids are running around or crying or wailing! This is in addition to my distraction of minding my own kids, ok? And besides, we usually go out on Sundays -- trip to the City and the like (I know, NOT a valid excuse!)
Why the Sunday mass? Well, during the Sunday morning masses, the church has Children's liturgy. Before the 1st reading is read, the kids are asked to go up in front, the priest blesses them and someone takes care of the kids in another room. In that room, they have their Cathecism. The kids stay there until Offertory. Liam didn't go before because he was still too young, whenever we had mass on a Sunday due to an appointment on Saturday evenings.
Back to my story. Even if I was very hesitant, I agreed with hubby to try out the Sunday morning mass. Our first attempt, it was still the school holidays. We were not aware that during school holidays there was no Children's liturgy, in short, Liam was very disappointed because he was really looking forward to it!
Last Sunday, hubby wanted to ring the Parish office first to really make sure that there is a Children's liturgy. I told him, there was. I was pretty sure I heard that once school starts, Children's liturgy will re-commence.
So off we went. And guess what, Liam, didn't need any assistance going in front. He was really looking forward to it. He enjoyed the Children's liturgy and he even had an output! In addition, I was able to concentrate more especially during the Homily.
I asked him after the mass if he still felt that Church was boring. Your guess is as good as mine! He shook his head with a smile on his face. Hubby's idea paid off! "At least he gets entertained now and he learns pa, kesa naman puro -- Church is boring ang sinasabi niya," hubby commented.
Two days after, I was feeling under the weather. I was lying on the bed with his sister when he told me this: "Mama, the teacher in the church said when Mama or Papa are sick we should take care of them. So I will take care of you."
Oh well, I think Sunday school does work! :)
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Waiting for A Miracle
It has been 25 days now since a good friend of mine got into a Coma state, 6 hours after giving birth to her second child (thru normal delivery). Everything went well after her delivery and then it happened. She had a post-delivery complication -- a stroke.
I really can't describe what our barkada feels right now. We have been together since 1995. A few of us are already based abroad so most of the updates are just thru FB/e-mail. All of us have been praying for her, expecting and waiting for a miracle.
Everytime I check my e-mail, I am hoping to receive good news. Yes there are days when I get them, but the past few days, I have been receieving not-so-good news, especially the one I got last night.
Hubby can sense my sadness everytime I open my mail and get updates. He sees me crying it out silently, wishing and praying that my friend will get better already.
I may look and sound ok, but everytime my friend crosses my mind, I can't help but be sad. So I try to busy myself so I won't think about her all the time. I try to repress it.
True to what others say, the concept of death or losing someone you love becomes so real if it happens to someone very dear to you. My friend is still fighting for her life and with this battle comes a blessing for me.
If there is one good thing that resulted from this, it is the fact that I and hubby are spending more time with my family. I hold my hubby's hand more. I hug all of them more. I say "I Love You" to them more. I try to overlook their shortcomings more and focus on the fact that they are still with me. I know hubby can sense it and I can sense that hubby is doing the same. Just the thought of losing someone so quickly became so real and it both scared us.
Life is short. Anything can happen. We don't know if we are still here the next second, the next minute, the next hour, the next day, or the next year. We are making the most of our time, we are seizing the day, grabbing every opportunity to be together and show our love for one another while we still can.
I am still praying and hoping for a miracle.
If you can just now say a silent prayer for my friend too, I would gladly appreciate it.
I really can't describe what our barkada feels right now. We have been together since 1995. A few of us are already based abroad so most of the updates are just thru FB/e-mail. All of us have been praying for her, expecting and waiting for a miracle.
Everytime I check my e-mail, I am hoping to receive good news. Yes there are days when I get them, but the past few days, I have been receieving not-so-good news, especially the one I got last night.
Hubby can sense my sadness everytime I open my mail and get updates. He sees me crying it out silently, wishing and praying that my friend will get better already.
I may look and sound ok, but everytime my friend crosses my mind, I can't help but be sad. So I try to busy myself so I won't think about her all the time. I try to repress it.
True to what others say, the concept of death or losing someone you love becomes so real if it happens to someone very dear to you. My friend is still fighting for her life and with this battle comes a blessing for me.
If there is one good thing that resulted from this, it is the fact that I and hubby are spending more time with my family. I hold my hubby's hand more. I hug all of them more. I say "I Love You" to them more. I try to overlook their shortcomings more and focus on the fact that they are still with me. I know hubby can sense it and I can sense that hubby is doing the same. Just the thought of losing someone so quickly became so real and it both scared us.
Life is short. Anything can happen. We don't know if we are still here the next second, the next minute, the next hour, the next day, or the next year. We are making the most of our time, we are seizing the day, grabbing every opportunity to be together and show our love for one another while we still can.
I am still praying and hoping for a miracle.
If you can just now say a silent prayer for my friend too, I would gladly appreciate it.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
letting go, letting God
The reason why my family and I will be going to Manila is to have our first real holiday with family and friends.
Bags are packed and almost ready to go.
But the nega or the pessismist in me is again trying to ruin our vacation, even if we haven't even set foot in Manila.
I worry about the news back in Manila that I have been hearing and watching and reading.
I worry about the possibility of something bad happening to my family, my kids especially, while we're there.
I worry that I might miss something important because of the so many things we have planned to do while in Manila.
I feel sad that most of my friends whom I've already emailed and texted and asked if they want to meet up haven't responded yet. It's more of naiinis na kasi ako yung uuwi, ako pa yung nag-aayos at nangungulit. Ah ewan. HeheheJust thinking that maybe they have more urgent matters to attend to. But then again, I don't get to see them often. Oh well :-) Well, I think this is a lesson for me not to put my hopes up. I am expecting for the worst. The thing is, I already did my part :-) Sabi nga nila pag gusto may paraan, pag ayaw maraming dahilan.
Now as to the worrying part, I have lifted it all up to Him. I am letting go, I am letting God.
I am ready to enjoy this well-deserved vacation.
Yipee!
Bags are packed and almost ready to go.
But the nega or the pessismist in me is again trying to ruin our vacation, even if we haven't even set foot in Manila.
I worry about the news back in Manila that I have been hearing and watching and reading.
I worry about the possibility of something bad happening to my family, my kids especially, while we're there.
I worry that I might miss something important because of the so many things we have planned to do while in Manila.
I feel sad that most of my friends whom I've already emailed and texted and asked if they want to meet up haven't responded yet. It's more of naiinis na kasi ako yung uuwi, ako pa yung nag-aayos at nangungulit. Ah ewan. HeheheJust thinking that maybe they have more urgent matters to attend to. But then again, I don't get to see them often. Oh well :-) Well, I think this is a lesson for me not to put my hopes up. I am expecting for the worst. The thing is, I already did my part :-) Sabi nga nila pag gusto may paraan, pag ayaw maraming dahilan.
Now as to the worrying part, I have lifted it all up to Him. I am letting go, I am letting God.
I am ready to enjoy this well-deserved vacation.
Yipee!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Getting Confused
Like what I have mentioned in my previous blog, parenting and raising kids can be a daunting task. Parenting does not come with a handbook and so, when I come across some articles and books that try to help me (and my hubby) in raising our children, I (we) try our best to do it, even if sometimes we think it is just impossible!
Well, the past few weeks, I have been bombarded with A LOT of parenting articles. Article after article, I was trying to remember the most important details and things were becoming more complicated. I found myself getting confused as I encountered articles contradicting one another. Like for example -- the use of rewards. I have always been taught that giving rewards was a positive reinforcer, but I came across one article that says otherwise.
With these conflicting styles and tips, I came to realization that:
a. I should be critical with everything that is being given to me in the articles, links or books. I shouldn't take everything as is. I should know what to take from these articles. Since I have more time to read these articles, I usually share it with my husband and later on discuss the article. I guess part of being critical is for us to discuss as well, if it applies to us and to our kids.
b. There is no perfect formula for becoming the "best" parents. We try our best to teach them values and raise them up well, but we will still have to wait if all our efforts will pay off when our kids have finally grown-up. I guess with all the articles that I have come across, I and my husband find ourselves mixing the styles.
Parenting they say is a case of hit and miss. But as parents, as much as possible, you wouldn't want to miss, as whatever mistake we commit in raising our kids, can make or break them and their future. Which directs me now to my most important realization:
Parenting is a leap of faith. We cannot be the "perfect" and the "best" parents we hope that we can be because it is hard, VERY HARD. Try as we might, we still get bad days, sad days,mad days, challenging days, and tiring days.We cannot be with our kids 24/7, all day every day, every minute of their lives. We cannot control their emotions and their decisions. We can try our best, OUR VERY BEST, but might still end up failing in the future. This is now where Faith comes in. We can pray for them and for ourselves.
We can pray for our daily decisions as parents. That our decisions will not be clouded by our emotions. That what we do is really the best for them. That they will eventually make the right choices all the time. That they will grow up well and good. We can only do so much. But praying for them and for ourselves will never be too much.
Yes, I still read articles and parenting books, but I now know better :)
Well, the past few weeks, I have been bombarded with A LOT of parenting articles. Article after article, I was trying to remember the most important details and things were becoming more complicated. I found myself getting confused as I encountered articles contradicting one another. Like for example -- the use of rewards. I have always been taught that giving rewards was a positive reinforcer, but I came across one article that says otherwise.
With these conflicting styles and tips, I came to realization that:
a. I should be critical with everything that is being given to me in the articles, links or books. I shouldn't take everything as is. I should know what to take from these articles. Since I have more time to read these articles, I usually share it with my husband and later on discuss the article. I guess part of being critical is for us to discuss as well, if it applies to us and to our kids.
b. There is no perfect formula for becoming the "best" parents. We try our best to teach them values and raise them up well, but we will still have to wait if all our efforts will pay off when our kids have finally grown-up. I guess with all the articles that I have come across, I and my husband find ourselves mixing the styles.
Parenting they say is a case of hit and miss. But as parents, as much as possible, you wouldn't want to miss, as whatever mistake we commit in raising our kids, can make or break them and their future. Which directs me now to my most important realization:
Parenting is a leap of faith. We cannot be the "perfect" and the "best" parents we hope that we can be because it is hard, VERY HARD. Try as we might, we still get bad days, sad days,mad days, challenging days, and tiring days.We cannot be with our kids 24/7, all day every day, every minute of their lives. We cannot control their emotions and their decisions. We can try our best, OUR VERY BEST, but might still end up failing in the future. This is now where Faith comes in. We can pray for them and for ourselves.
We can pray for our daily decisions as parents. That our decisions will not be clouded by our emotions. That what we do is really the best for them. That they will eventually make the right choices all the time. That they will grow up well and good. We can only do so much. But praying for them and for ourselves will never be too much.
Yes, I still read articles and parenting books, but I now know better :)
Monday, May 30, 2011
doubting jeana
Last saturday, during my prayer time, I was a bit tensed. I was a bit tensed because I came to a realization, that aside from the material things we are still wishing we can have, everything seems to be perfect. Perfect? I have kids, I have healthy, bright and happy kids. I have my hubby. I have a very thoughtful and loving hubby.Career wise, everything is doing great as well. We, at prsent don't have any major problems -- health, financial worries, relationships. And the thought of that scared me. It scared me because even if I know and have been reminded countless times of God's great love for us and that He only wants what's best for us, not having any problems at present made me doubt this and still thought He might plan to make it up next time or to make "bawi" with us in the future. Crazy thoughts like -- sickness, accidents, major relationship problems or career issues came in to my mind. Crazy right?
So yesterday I just shared my thoughts with Alvin. I asked him if he was scared with the thought that everything is going smoothly. Well, of course this is aside from the other "wants" that we still have in mind. We are not bothered with these wants because we can live without them. As I have told Alvin, these extras are just a bonus. The good thing about this conversation was he was also able to think about it too and realized that indeed we have been blessed. We recalled the major problems we have had before and remembered that in those trying times we were hurdling them calmly -- thru prayers. We didn't come to that point wherein we had to question God why we were having those problems. We didn't come to that point where we had to ask Him, "why me? why us?" And we think we did a good job at that. Bottomline, we realized as a couple that if ever something big (problem) comes along the way, it is not God's way of making "bawi" to us,for all the good things He has given us, but is just part of His great plan for us.
The thought of having another (major) problem or God taking something away from us, from me, still scares the hell out of me. But I realized that doubting will do no good for me. I must believe that God's love for all of us is faithful. He is not a selfish God. He will always want and do what is best for us. I should not doubt.
So yesterday I just shared my thoughts with Alvin. I asked him if he was scared with the thought that everything is going smoothly. Well, of course this is aside from the other "wants" that we still have in mind. We are not bothered with these wants because we can live without them. As I have told Alvin, these extras are just a bonus. The good thing about this conversation was he was also able to think about it too and realized that indeed we have been blessed. We recalled the major problems we have had before and remembered that in those trying times we were hurdling them calmly -- thru prayers. We didn't come to that point wherein we had to question God why we were having those problems. We didn't come to that point where we had to ask Him, "why me? why us?" And we think we did a good job at that. Bottomline, we realized as a couple that if ever something big (problem) comes along the way, it is not God's way of making "bawi" to us,for all the good things He has given us, but is just part of His great plan for us.
The thought of having another (major) problem or God taking something away from us, from me, still scares the hell out of me. But I realized that doubting will do no good for me. I must believe that God's love for all of us is faithful. He is not a selfish God. He will always want and do what is best for us. I should not doubt.
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