Last saturday, during my prayer time, I was a bit tensed. I was a bit tensed because I came to a realization, that aside from the material things we are still wishing we can have, everything seems to be perfect. Perfect? I have kids, I have healthy, bright and happy kids. I have my hubby. I have a very thoughtful and loving hubby.Career wise, everything is doing great as well. We, at prsent don't have any major problems -- health, financial worries, relationships. And the thought of that scared me. It scared me because even if I know and have been reminded countless times of God's great love for us and that He only wants what's best for us, not having any problems at present made me doubt this and still thought He might plan to make it up next time or to make "bawi" with us in the future. Crazy thoughts like -- sickness, accidents, major relationship problems or career issues came in to my mind. Crazy right?
So yesterday I just shared my thoughts with Alvin. I asked him if he was scared with the thought that everything is going smoothly. Well, of course this is aside from the other "wants" that we still have in mind. We are not bothered with these wants because we can live without them. As I have told Alvin, these extras are just a bonus. The good thing about this conversation was he was also able to think about it too and realized that indeed we have been blessed. We recalled the major problems we have had before and remembered that in those trying times we were hurdling them calmly -- thru prayers. We didn't come to that point wherein we had to question God why we were having those problems. We didn't come to that point where we had to ask Him, "why me? why us?" And we think we did a good job at that. Bottomline, we realized as a couple that if ever something big (problem) comes along the way, it is not God's way of making "bawi" to us,for all the good things He has given us, but is just part of His great plan for us.
The thought of having another (major) problem or God taking something away from us, from me, still scares the hell out of me. But I realized that doubting will do no good for me. I must believe that God's love for all of us is faithful. He is not a selfish God. He will always want and do what is best for us. I should not doubt.
