Marriage Enrichment Retreat

After almost four years in the community as CFC members and almost seven years as a married couple, we can finally attend our MER.

I am a believer that it's not a loss to attend such activities.

I know in the end, we'll even benefit from it.

I'm so looling forward to this weekend. Another long drive for us. Another opportunity to learn from other couples. Another opportunity to nurture our relationship as husband and wife. Another opportunity to grow together.

I'm just lucky and thankful that hubby doesn't find these activities, corny or a waste of time. I'm happy to see that like me, he is very much willing to invest time and effort for our marriage.

Watch this space for my full kwento.

Inner Battle

"Bato-bato sa langit ang tamaan huwag magalit"

I have recently, well I am still, experiencing some struggles the past few weeks. Well, to be honest, I feel it has started when I decided to be involved in our CFC service. Like what I mentioned, I am struggling to win this battle.

The last thing that I would want is to sound and be a self-righteous person. Pardon me and sorry in advance if I may sound and look like one, with what I am about to write. This is not for the faint-hearted. I just can't understand when:

people can leave their kids with friends or relatives on any time of the day so they can go to shops, watch movies, or go on long drives and yet give an excuse of "sorry we can't go because we can't leave the kids" when it's time to serve or go to prayer meetings

people says "yes" to a commitment, but come "battle" time, they are no-where to be found, again giving excuses

people who I expect to be (and who should be) in gatherings are not there people who don't show up in service or gatherings, giving a "valid" excuse, only and sadly, I found out thru their status updates on social networking sites that they were some place else, which actually refutes their supposedly "valid" excuse

Am I already sounding like a self-righteous individual?

Sorry. I had to let it out. The steam inside is making me nuts.

Why is it an inner battle? Because I know that the "other side" is again at work. Working on my most vulnerable side.

It is an inner battle because I do get to reflect and ask myself why am I starting to sound and act like I'm sour-graping? Is it really because I am concerned about "their service" or is it because I am jealous because they can do it and I can't.

Truthfully, I think it is the latter.

I grew up and my parents brought me up believing that every good thing comes from HIM. That we should always pray so that we can continue to receive blessings. And because that was instilled in me, I grew up believing that if I stop praying, I miss going to church every week, I don't serve Him properly, and I stop serving Him, all good things and all blessings will stop coming.

Is this a reflection of how shallow my faith is?

But it makes me ask: how come these people are still blessed with so much even if they amiss their Christian duties? Well, I shouldn't be surprised I tell myself because if they have lived their life being okay with not going to church weekly for months (or probably even years) what is giving up weekly prayer meetings and not showing up on gatherings, right?

Again, sorry if I am sounding like a self-righteous individual. Now I am asking myself: If I do the things that they do, "rebel" in some way, will God really stop giving me and my family blessings?

Uh-oh. Now I sound like I am challenging God.

Sorry Lord.

So where am I up to? Where am I headed?

Actually, on my reflections in trying to overcome and win this "inner battle" I have come to some realizations, only I need time to absorb them. What are these realizations? Here:

I should address the real reason why I go nuts and ballistic when I don't see the faces of people I expect to be in gatherings or see how people "serve" and respond to their "commitment." I am jealous because I feel I can't do it without me fearing the consequences I might get if I do

their service and my service are truly personal. I shouldn't question their actions because at the end of the day, they are not accountable to me, it will be between Him and them and in the same way that it is between Him and me

I should put into action what keeping the faith is all about. Right now, with what I have just wrote, it reflects how shallow my faith is. I should work on myself to having more faith. Work on it without comparing it with how others are doing it. Not to be a self-reighteous person, which what I sound and act like now.

Keep in mind this thought that has kept me sane for years now, hearing it the first time when I was still in Youth for Christ: "I don't care if you're holier than me, as long as I should be holy as I should be."

Again, SORRY if I sounded like an A**H*** while I wrote everything that has been bugging me the past few weeks. I needed to write it. Writing makes it different, I actually feel better now, and it makes my resolutions more concrete.

Now, I ask for grace so I can fully live it. I humbly pray for grace so I can overcome and win this inner battle. I humbly ask for you to help me pray for myself so I can win this inner battle.

(And as if by some stroke of fate, two days after I wrote this, I got to read a blog by Bo Sanchez. The title alone uplifted my spirit and empowered me. I know I will win this battle.)

Oppression

We are back to service and as expected the "enemy" is also working double time to distract us from the service. And he sure is a clever one! He just knows our weaknesses!

Just like in my case. This week, I got casual calls for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. But guess what, none of them pushed thru! Arrgh! Wednesday, I didn't have anyone to leave the kids with. Thursday, last minute it was cancelled. Friday, they called a bit late, 8:30am, and I didn't hear my mobile ring. I was actually surprised because when I get casual calls within the day, usually they ring at around 7 to 7:30am. It was unusually late.

To make things worse, when I returned the call this morning and I was redirected to a voicemail, after the usual greetings, I said "what's up?". After ending the call, it dawned on me, what did I just say?! "What's up?" Hello?!!!!!! I COULD HAVE DONE IT BETTER! I could have said it in a more professional way! Now I'm wondering what her reaction is when she gets the message! "What's up?!"

Just letting some steam off.

I am just thinking these are merely oppressions. The "enemy" knows where to hit us but I'm clinging on. I know things will be better. My God will be faithful as always. I just have to believe and continue to do His work!

Amen!

Back to Service

For three Fridays now, hubby and I (with our two very young kids in tow) have been actively serving again in our community, the Couples for Christ.

It has been a very long time since we have facilitated, yet alone, facilitate as a couple.

Since hubby and I practically grew up in the community, we are used to facilitating and serving in the community, as individuals. Now that we are serving as a couple to other couples, I am seeing a new aspect of my hubby I have never seen before :)

To make the long story short, I am seeing a partner who is stepping up! :) I am actually delighted to see hubby become bolder in his service. I haven't seen this side before because I have always seen the "shy" and quiet him. I have always seen the hubby who takes the back seat. I was the one who is the more dominant one, so this time I am at the back seat, supporting him. I am letting him lead. I am submitting to my husband's decisions (which is not easy for me ok?). The act inspires me. He inspires me :)

I am also enjoying the fact that we are doing it together. It's like we have a new "project" or a new "baby."

It is a bit of a challenge to do this service every Friday nights (rain or shine), with two very young kids in tow. Not to mention that being facilitators not only require the Friday nights, but more. But we are up to the challenge. We are enjoying our service. I and hubby take delight and are humbled to have been tapped to serve Him again through our community.

We are happy to be back. We are thankful to be back.

Coming Full Circle

In 1991, I remember my parents talking to 4 Titos who were also our neighbors. No big deal for me then. I thought that they only wanted to talk something about my parents. Before they left, I heard my parents say that they'll think it over. Whatever that was, I was pretty sure then that it didn't involve me. I was wrong. That visit made a big difference it my parents' lives. In our family. In my life. The purpose of that visit was to actually invite my parents to attend the Christian Life Program for married couples. Probably my parents thought that since they were active in church already, being part of the Lectorate ministry, they didn't need to attend gatherings or join groups like those. Well, I wouldn't blame them. Sacrificing 13 Saturday evenings just as so you can finish the program is not an easy thing. I thought that they won't finish the entire program, but I'm glad they did. When my parents became active in the community, I remember having one confrontation with my mom, telling them that they should spend more time with us, rather than spending their weekends with the community. My mom reprimanded me about what I said and just told me not to question their service. I was mad, of course. I felt that their time with us was being taken away by this group. I just didn't see the wisdom of all these prayer meetings and service. Fast forward, I am now 13 years old. My Kuya and Ate were already attending the same program for the kids of the CFC members, the Young Adults. I saw how the community transformed them. Now it was my turn to attend the 13 sessions every Sunday.  Maybe, just maybe, it will also have the same effect on me. So, there I was, together with other teenagers, sacrificing our Sunday afternoons to listen to speakers talk about God, to listen to fellow youth members share about their life, their struggles and their triumphs. Yeah, I was attending the sessions, because I had to. Or maybe I had a crush on someone, hahahaha. But as they say, God works in mysterious ways. Maybe it took some time before it finally dawned on me why I had to be a member of that youth group. When I was in 4th year high school, the mission trips began. Meaning, a couple of us, all youth members, will be sent to some place, usually a province, to conduct the same program for the kids of CFC members. When I was tapped to be a part of one mission I was of course, surprised. I went there to talk about God's love. I don't know if I was an effective speaker, but that chance to talk in front of other youth humbled me and allowed to see things differently. It was then that my relationship with Him started. It was through this community and my experiences when we had camps, youth fellowships, sleepovers, that transformed me. It made me see things differently. See every trial as a blessing in disguise.  My relationship with Him was not bounded by just the traditional prayers. It became more personal. The good thing about it all was that the entire family was experiencing the transformation. Our family is far from being perfect. We still had our share of disagreements or quarrels. But our service to Him through the community made the difference. Fast forward. After many camps, talks, sharings, itwas time to move on. I had to attend another Christian Life Program again. This time, it was with other single men and women of my age. It was at that stage when I met my future husband. No, we didn't meet at the meetings. We met thru a common friend who was also part of the community. Through our interactions, I learned that he was also part of the youth group I belonged to while I was growing up. Same group, but different area. Alvin's parents were also actively serving the community. The funny thing is, he remembers me giving a talk on one of their camps, but I can't remember him. It is also funny to know that we attended the same annual conferences--meaning riding the same boat going to the provinces-- but  still didn't bump into each other. Fast forward. We've been married now for three years and has been a couple since December of 2000. In two week's time we will now be attending the same Christian Life Program that was introduced to our parents over a decade ago. The same community that helped nurture our family's relationship. The same community that made a huge impact in our lives. The community that helped our parents nurture our faith. The same community that gave me my husband. Looking back now at the journey of our parents and what our family had to go through, I am glad our parents decided to respond to the calling. I am now looking forward on our own journey, the fruits of serving Him again, not as a youth, not as a singler adult person, but as a couple, and as a family. We have come full circle.