This was what I just posted on my FB status:
"Blessing, after blessing, after blessing. It has been 3 weeks now since Alvin and I responded to the challenge of our Parish Priest to pray the rosary, DAILY, as a family. It was hard for both me and Alvin because admittedly, we are both LAZY when it comes to praying the rosary. But true enough, like what Fr. Ruben said, the week doesn't end without us receiving a blessing. I'm not talking about the small stuff here, but the big stuff. And today, we received the biggest answer to a petition we have been asking for more than 4 years already! Thank you, Lord! Bringing back all the glory to You. P.S. Thank you Mama Mary for the BIG help."
I already mentioned in my previous blog that we started praying the rosary every Sunday after we made it as one of our action plans during our Marriage Enrichment Retreat. But now, we have managed to pray it everyday! I'm just thankful that Sammie and Liam are both cooperative and are trying their very best to be quiet every time we have the prayer at night. I am actually proud of Liam because he is the one reminding us about family prayer time every night and he is willing to skip some shows or parts of his favorite shows for us to be able to pray.
Blessings? accreditation matters (big developments!), more work for me (which are scheduled ahead of time...I've actually turned down a couple of calls in the morning because it will be impossible for me to make it on time...and I just can't wake up the kids from their sleep), approved 3 year multiple entry visa for my in-laws and the means to finance their travel, a big opportunity opened for Alvin at work to shift his field from Manufacturing to planning (office-based) and now.....drum roll....a permanent job for Alvin! hurrah! :)
Just thankful and grateful. :)
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Saturday, May 4, 2013
A Greater Power
The last two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster ride for my family, especially the ones who are based in Manila.
I will not elaborate here but to make the long story short, it is one of the recent episodes of our family's telenovela (Which family does not have one?). Old wounds were opened. Madaming salita at banta na binitiwan na naman. Accusations were made. Service and our being christians were questioned. Hurt, mad and sad. Those are exactly the three words that can fully describe what probably my family, especially my parents felt when all these chaos were happening.
I was mad. I was mad at them. Ang sa akin lang, kami nga na 5 anak ng mga magulang namin never minura, binantaan or bingiyan ng malaking sakit ng ulo sila Papa at Mama, sila pa? We can counter each and every accusation they made at our family. We have a thousand and one proofs. We can engage in a word war with all of them. We can even think and wish bad things to happen to all of them. We can resort to being self-righteous. But no. We took everything...in silence.
All throughout those two weeks, we were in constant communication with our family in Manila. And in all of the exchange of emails to my parents, the only thing we kept on reminding each other especially my parents, hurting as they may seem, is to pray. Pray for them. Pray for ourselves. Pray for the situation.
I kept on reflecting the past couple of days on what His message is for us. The readings everyday really helped a lot. Like what I said earlier, we can fight, eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth...but we chose not to. I personally had to stop myself from thinking and wishing bad things to happen for them. If I catch myself slowly doing that I stop myself and pray. This I have to say: IT IS NOT EASY. I am but a human being. But by and by I'm getting the hang of it...only because of His grace. I realised that we survived, I survived those tempting times not by my own will and definitely NOT by my own doing...but by the grace of Someone greater. Someone more powerful. I needed that. It was only through that Greater Power that allowed me to convert my negative thoughts to more positive ones. To continue hoping for good things to happen.
I will not admit that I have forgotten everything that have just happened nor have I totally forgiven them. Malalim na ang sugat. I am still working on that. When all these dramas started I wished and hoped that something good will come out of this. I haven't fully realised it yet but I am still optimistic that soon, God will reveal all the answers to our "why's?" to my "why's?"
My family is still praying that in time there will be total healing and forgiveness in everyone involved. At this point it seems impossible. But who knows? With God nothing is impossible. After all, after everything that has been said and done, we are just living under His grace...may His will be done.
I will not elaborate here but to make the long story short, it is one of the recent episodes of our family's telenovela (Which family does not have one?). Old wounds were opened. Madaming salita at banta na binitiwan na naman. Accusations were made. Service and our being christians were questioned. Hurt, mad and sad. Those are exactly the three words that can fully describe what probably my family, especially my parents felt when all these chaos were happening.
I was mad. I was mad at them. Ang sa akin lang, kami nga na 5 anak ng mga magulang namin never minura, binantaan or bingiyan ng malaking sakit ng ulo sila Papa at Mama, sila pa? We can counter each and every accusation they made at our family. We have a thousand and one proofs. We can engage in a word war with all of them. We can even think and wish bad things to happen to all of them. We can resort to being self-righteous. But no. We took everything...in silence.
All throughout those two weeks, we were in constant communication with our family in Manila. And in all of the exchange of emails to my parents, the only thing we kept on reminding each other especially my parents, hurting as they may seem, is to pray. Pray for them. Pray for ourselves. Pray for the situation.
I kept on reflecting the past couple of days on what His message is for us. The readings everyday really helped a lot. Like what I said earlier, we can fight, eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth...but we chose not to. I personally had to stop myself from thinking and wishing bad things to happen for them. If I catch myself slowly doing that I stop myself and pray. This I have to say: IT IS NOT EASY. I am but a human being. But by and by I'm getting the hang of it...only because of His grace. I realised that we survived, I survived those tempting times not by my own will and definitely NOT by my own doing...but by the grace of Someone greater. Someone more powerful. I needed that. It was only through that Greater Power that allowed me to convert my negative thoughts to more positive ones. To continue hoping for good things to happen.
I will not admit that I have forgotten everything that have just happened nor have I totally forgiven them. Malalim na ang sugat. I am still working on that. When all these dramas started I wished and hoped that something good will come out of this. I haven't fully realised it yet but I am still optimistic that soon, God will reveal all the answers to our "why's?" to my "why's?"
My family is still praying that in time there will be total healing and forgiveness in everyone involved. At this point it seems impossible. But who knows? With God nothing is impossible. After all, after everything that has been said and done, we are just living under His grace...may His will be done.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
My Clever Sammie
My Dear Sammie,
In a couple of days you will already turn 2 and a half years old! Wow! Where did time go?
Like what I did before with your Kuya, I am taking a break from all my worries, to sit down and write to you. I would like to capture in words everything that you are now...hoping that when you are a bit older and able to read on your own, you have something to remind you of how you were at this stage of your life.
They say that fathers and daughters have a different kind of connection. Usually, the daughters are closer with their fathers as compared to their mothers. But looking at the last couple of months, I don't think that applies to us. Two weeks ago, out of the blue, you just told me: "Mama, you're my best friend! My super best friend!" Yes. It melted my heart and made your Papa jealous! hahahaha :)
You are definitely the family's baby. But, am I already babying you too much? On my end I think I don't. You have had your share of time-outs and a little spanking, of a LOT of reprimanding especially from me! So I don't know what made you decide to make me as your super best friend! But I am very happy, honoured and challenged! Yes, I am challenged because I would like you to still tell me that I am still your super best friend after you start going to the big school or when you are already a teenager or even when you're already a grown up! I will not worry on that now. Let's take it one step at a time.
You are now at the peak of your terrible twos and can I say this? This is my first time to handle such "craziness" !!!! I can't believe how you've pushed me to my limits hahahaha really testing if I can be as consistent to all the rules. Yes, you did try my patience. But even if there were a lot of reasons to get annoyed or mad or lose it, you had that ability to make our hearts melt. To turn our frowned and angry faces to happy and laughing ones! Remember just last week, Papa was getting annoyed with you and Kuya because you were so noisy at church then out of the blue you just pretended and walked like a zombie! Hahaha I thought your Papa wouldn't give in...but he did ;) You have that special power specially with your Papa. Well, I guess for all of us too :)
Oh I just love it when you say "I love you Mama" or "I love you Papa" or "I love you Tuya" out of the blue! That makes our day sweetheart!
You are one caring and loving sister. At this point, I know that even if you tend to annoy your "Tuya" or grab toys from him, or fight him, deep in your heart, you love him. How can we forget the times when your Kuya was out and didn't sleep at home. You kept telling Papa and Mama that you're sad because you miss your Kuya. You kept on telling us to already fetch your Kuya. And when he got home? Oh the noise and all the commotion that filled the house! Your Papa and I can only look at one another and smile! You stayed up late so you and your Kuya can catch up with "lost time" and you gave whatever your Kuya asked. You shared every toy and patiently waited for your turn for the ipad or tablet. You like that your Kuya puts his arms around your shoulders when the two of you watch something from the ipad. You get annoyed when he removes his arm! You know how to make lambing to your "Tuya." You also worry when Kuya gets hurt. When you see Kuya crying because he got into trouble with Papa and Mama, you don't take delight in it. You come to him and put your hands on his back, telling him "it's alright, Tuya." Don't worry sweetheart, it's not a one-way thing. Your Kuya loves you more than you can ever imagine. Papa and Mama are assured that if ever something happens to us (touchwood) your "Tuya" will take good care of you.
Like what we have expected, you are one chatterbox! I think I have met my match! Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Kidding aside, taking care of you was not as difficult because you were already able to express what you want, what you need, what you think of things. Yes, you even told Mama not to go to work a LOT of times already because it will make you sad. You already know how and where to hit me, eh? :) I was tongue tied too when you started praying about "my wedding" in our morning prayer time!
The past couple of weeks, your Papa and I were just so amazed with the words you were using to converse with us or with your cousins. You are becoming cleverer by the day! Not only because you are our child but because people around us can really see it. You already know how to rebut an argument (makings of a lawyer?) and yes, you already know how to complain!!!! "That's not fair! I'm tired!"....Are you sure you're only two? Well, we're not the only one asking that question because even total strangers can't also believe that you talk that much for your age! Well, I'm not complaining.
Your Papa and I are just thankful and proud of everything that you have achieved. You were toilet trained as early as 27 months! Well, sometimes, when we're out and Mama doesn't want to get disturbed, I silently wish that you were still wearing a nappy! Oooppps. Last week, we got surprised when you suddenly spelled out your name -- S - A- M. Yes, we knew that weeks before you knew that your name starts with the letter "s" because every time you see it on the newspapers or magazines, you excitedly point it to us and tell us "Look, Mama, that's my name..." And last Saturday, you were able to identify all the letters on Mama's shirt -- JUST DO IT. Sorry, but I underestimated you. I was gobsmacked when you finished. You can count backwards from 10- 0. You can now count from 1- 20. You already know how to figure out things and can sense when Mama is trying to trick you. Well, in return, you try to outsmart me too! Remember when I told you I had to drop you off at child care because your school bell is ringing already? Well, after two weeks, you told me that we had to bring Kuya first to school, because his school bell is already ringing -- yes, you were trying your best not to let Mama bring you to childcare!
You try to overcome your fears especially the first time you were doing swimming lessons without me in the pool with you. But you did it! It's just a start, anak. Life may be cruel sometimes and you just have to face your fears and do it!
Spunky and girly -- two words to describe you at this point. Spunky. Yes, you are a fighter. As early as now we can already see that. In a way, we are relieved because we are living in a country different from where Papa and Mama grew up. We know that it will be an asset in the future. Girly! Oh yes, you have this soft side. hehehe You love playing with your dolls, cooking for them, putting them to sleep. You get angry when Mama becomes too noisy at home or at the car when your babies are asleep. Just thinking, not that I want ok...but you have the makings of being a good big sister ;) you like lipsticks, you love dresses -- oh, did I mention that a couple of months before you turned two, you were already the ones picking up your clothes?! It's a bit frustrating for me especially that I got used to your Kuya who just wears the clothes I pick for him. Going back to you, you love ballets, leggings, bags and my four-inch heels! Still can't believe you were able to walk on those without tripping! At this point, you're done with Dora. You're slowly shifting to Hello Kitty.You still love Hi-5 and you love to sing and dance to their songs! I think you were inspired to take dancing seriously when you saw your Kuyas and Ates at the KFC - IKV :) You love to paint! You are not afraid to make your hands dirty. You love to explore and imagine things. Keep it up!
There are still some things I think we need to work on -- like your colours, shapes...packing away of toys, sticking to one decision...oooops. Yes, I have my list on that too! But like what I said, we'll take it one day at a time. For now, enjoy your childhood :) We will be here to enjoy it with you.
Yesterday, when you got back from school, you told me, "Mama, Tegan hold my hand in school. She's my best friend!" My world stopped. I panicked! What?! I tried to ask you, "what about me? you told me I was your best friend?" Maybe you sensed my hurt so in trying to make it up to me you immediately said: "Oh, you and Tegan are my best friends!" Ok. That will do for the mean time. But I promise you anak, Mama will try my very best to be worthy of becoming your best friend from today up until I'm old and grey.
Sweetheart, Papa and I can't stop the time. As much as we would want you and your Kuya to stay as lovable, sweet and young that you are now, we can't. All we can do is to enjoy every minute and every opportunity given to us to marvel at your achievements and everything that is part of your journey.
I look forward to our coffee (ok , you're still too young for that)....ice cream dates or shopping dates in the future.
I love you my Sammie.
And yes, you will always be our....my baby girl.
Love and kisses,
Mama
In a couple of days you will already turn 2 and a half years old! Wow! Where did time go?
Like what I did before with your Kuya, I am taking a break from all my worries, to sit down and write to you. I would like to capture in words everything that you are now...hoping that when you are a bit older and able to read on your own, you have something to remind you of how you were at this stage of your life.
They say that fathers and daughters have a different kind of connection. Usually, the daughters are closer with their fathers as compared to their mothers. But looking at the last couple of months, I don't think that applies to us. Two weeks ago, out of the blue, you just told me: "Mama, you're my best friend! My super best friend!" Yes. It melted my heart and made your Papa jealous! hahahaha :)
You are definitely the family's baby. But, am I already babying you too much? On my end I think I don't. You have had your share of time-outs and a little spanking, of a LOT of reprimanding especially from me! So I don't know what made you decide to make me as your super best friend! But I am very happy, honoured and challenged! Yes, I am challenged because I would like you to still tell me that I am still your super best friend after you start going to the big school or when you are already a teenager or even when you're already a grown up! I will not worry on that now. Let's take it one step at a time.
You are now at the peak of your terrible twos and can I say this? This is my first time to handle such "craziness" !!!! I can't believe how you've pushed me to my limits hahahaha really testing if I can be as consistent to all the rules. Yes, you did try my patience. But even if there were a lot of reasons to get annoyed or mad or lose it, you had that ability to make our hearts melt. To turn our frowned and angry faces to happy and laughing ones! Remember just last week, Papa was getting annoyed with you and Kuya because you were so noisy at church then out of the blue you just pretended and walked like a zombie! Hahaha I thought your Papa wouldn't give in...but he did ;) You have that special power specially with your Papa. Well, I guess for all of us too :)
Oh I just love it when you say "I love you Mama" or "I love you Papa" or "I love you Tuya" out of the blue! That makes our day sweetheart!
You are one caring and loving sister. At this point, I know that even if you tend to annoy your "Tuya" or grab toys from him, or fight him, deep in your heart, you love him. How can we forget the times when your Kuya was out and didn't sleep at home. You kept telling Papa and Mama that you're sad because you miss your Kuya. You kept on telling us to already fetch your Kuya. And when he got home? Oh the noise and all the commotion that filled the house! Your Papa and I can only look at one another and smile! You stayed up late so you and your Kuya can catch up with "lost time" and you gave whatever your Kuya asked. You shared every toy and patiently waited for your turn for the ipad or tablet. You like that your Kuya puts his arms around your shoulders when the two of you watch something from the ipad. You get annoyed when he removes his arm! You know how to make lambing to your "Tuya." You also worry when Kuya gets hurt. When you see Kuya crying because he got into trouble with Papa and Mama, you don't take delight in it. You come to him and put your hands on his back, telling him "it's alright, Tuya." Don't worry sweetheart, it's not a one-way thing. Your Kuya loves you more than you can ever imagine. Papa and Mama are assured that if ever something happens to us (touchwood) your "Tuya" will take good care of you.
Like what we have expected, you are one chatterbox! I think I have met my match! Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Kidding aside, taking care of you was not as difficult because you were already able to express what you want, what you need, what you think of things. Yes, you even told Mama not to go to work a LOT of times already because it will make you sad. You already know how and where to hit me, eh? :) I was tongue tied too when you started praying about "my wedding" in our morning prayer time!
The past couple of weeks, your Papa and I were just so amazed with the words you were using to converse with us or with your cousins. You are becoming cleverer by the day! Not only because you are our child but because people around us can really see it. You already know how to rebut an argument (makings of a lawyer?) and yes, you already know how to complain!!!! "That's not fair! I'm tired!"....Are you sure you're only two? Well, we're not the only one asking that question because even total strangers can't also believe that you talk that much for your age! Well, I'm not complaining.
Your Papa and I are just thankful and proud of everything that you have achieved. You were toilet trained as early as 27 months! Well, sometimes, when we're out and Mama doesn't want to get disturbed, I silently wish that you were still wearing a nappy! Oooppps. Last week, we got surprised when you suddenly spelled out your name -- S - A- M. Yes, we knew that weeks before you knew that your name starts with the letter "s" because every time you see it on the newspapers or magazines, you excitedly point it to us and tell us "Look, Mama, that's my name..." And last Saturday, you were able to identify all the letters on Mama's shirt -- JUST DO IT. Sorry, but I underestimated you. I was gobsmacked when you finished. You can count backwards from 10- 0. You can now count from 1- 20. You already know how to figure out things and can sense when Mama is trying to trick you. Well, in return, you try to outsmart me too! Remember when I told you I had to drop you off at child care because your school bell is ringing already? Well, after two weeks, you told me that we had to bring Kuya first to school, because his school bell is already ringing -- yes, you were trying your best not to let Mama bring you to childcare!
You try to overcome your fears especially the first time you were doing swimming lessons without me in the pool with you. But you did it! It's just a start, anak. Life may be cruel sometimes and you just have to face your fears and do it!
Spunky and girly -- two words to describe you at this point. Spunky. Yes, you are a fighter. As early as now we can already see that. In a way, we are relieved because we are living in a country different from where Papa and Mama grew up. We know that it will be an asset in the future. Girly! Oh yes, you have this soft side. hehehe You love playing with your dolls, cooking for them, putting them to sleep. You get angry when Mama becomes too noisy at home or at the car when your babies are asleep. Just thinking, not that I want ok...but you have the makings of being a good big sister ;) you like lipsticks, you love dresses -- oh, did I mention that a couple of months before you turned two, you were already the ones picking up your clothes?! It's a bit frustrating for me especially that I got used to your Kuya who just wears the clothes I pick for him. Going back to you, you love ballets, leggings, bags and my four-inch heels! Still can't believe you were able to walk on those without tripping! At this point, you're done with Dora. You're slowly shifting to Hello Kitty.You still love Hi-5 and you love to sing and dance to their songs! I think you were inspired to take dancing seriously when you saw your Kuyas and Ates at the KFC - IKV :) You love to paint! You are not afraid to make your hands dirty. You love to explore and imagine things. Keep it up!
There are still some things I think we need to work on -- like your colours, shapes...packing away of toys, sticking to one decision...oooops. Yes, I have my list on that too! But like what I said, we'll take it one day at a time. For now, enjoy your childhood :) We will be here to enjoy it with you.
Yesterday, when you got back from school, you told me, "Mama, Tegan hold my hand in school. She's my best friend!" My world stopped. I panicked! What?! I tried to ask you, "what about me? you told me I was your best friend?" Maybe you sensed my hurt so in trying to make it up to me you immediately said: "Oh, you and Tegan are my best friends!" Ok. That will do for the mean time. But I promise you anak, Mama will try my very best to be worthy of becoming your best friend from today up until I'm old and grey.
Sweetheart, Papa and I can't stop the time. As much as we would want you and your Kuya to stay as lovable, sweet and young that you are now, we can't. All we can do is to enjoy every minute and every opportunity given to us to marvel at your achievements and everything that is part of your journey.
I look forward to our coffee (ok , you're still too young for that)....ice cream dates or shopping dates in the future.
I love you my Sammie.
And yes, you will always be our....my baby girl.
Love and kisses,
Mama
 |
| love you forever! |
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
My Ninang Ta
Dear Ninang Ta,
It is with a heavy heart that I am writing this letter. Thinking about it, I think this has been long overdue.
I actually don't know where to start.
Thank you.
Thank you for all those times you helped Papa and Mama during the times that we didn't have any. I remember those days when Mama will tell us that she had to go to you to "sell" her jewelry so we can have money to spend. I remember as well how you "saved" me from paying for the costume I needed for my sixth grade Christmas concert and my graduation dress. How you sponsored my first JS prom gown -- thank you.
Thank you for making me one of your favourites. You might deny it or other people may question it, but I knew in my heart, that for a time, I was your favourite. You gave me the label "Miss Santos" among us cousins. I felt proud having that title. Thank you for being "soft" to me and for not being strict unlike how you disciplined my other cousins. I felt special, Ninang Ta.
Thank you too for those trips that we had to Quiapo church. I looked forward to Fridays because of those trips. Thank you for spoiling me in your own little way, buying beuatiful dresses in Central Market, nice pair shoes in SM Ermita or Isettan Recto. And how we will eat at 3M pizza after the 12noon mass at Quiapo or how we will eat Halo-halo after our shopping at Central Market.
Thank you for the "secret allowances" that you gave me especially after I receive an award. Thank you for those I was able to buy some fancy toys or school stuff at Tropical. Thank you for being both my Tita and my Ninang. I think I never had the chance to say thank you for really being like a second mother to me while I was growing up.
I can still remember how you tutored me after I got home from school. For teaching me how to draw a balloon and a cat. Thank you for always opening your doors for me and my family.
Sorry.
After we transferred houses our time together lessened. So was our Friday dates. You had a new favourite but I never really took it against you. But, sorry if I didn't make an extra effort to visit you especially when we were living away from one another.
Sorry if I forgot to say "Thank you" for every help that you did. For all the love and care you showed not only to me but for my family.
Sorry for not saying "sorry" during the times we might have hurt you. Or during the times you felt lonely and we failed to make you feel special.
Sorry if I didn't give you enough hugs or cuddles especially when you most needed it.
Sorry if after Lola Sabel died and you were left to your own, I failed to make you feel that even if you dont have a husband or children, that you have me, you have us, to take care of you.
Sorry if the only thing I could offer you during the early stages of your sickness was to sleep beside me on my bed and engage in simple conversations. Yes, I could have done more.
Sorry if I wasn't physically present to take care of you after I got married and when your Alzheimer's took to a worst turn.
Sorry if the peaceful exit I know you would have wished for didn't happen.
Ninang Ta, I think I forgot to tell you that I love you. I'm sorry.
I pray.
I pray that now that He has ended your suffering, may you enjoy your new home. A home where there is no hatred. No fears. No anxieties. No pain. No sickness like Alzheimer's.
I pray that your death will bring out something good especially for our family. I am still hoping that your death will be an instrument of peace and healing in our family. Miracles still happen.
I pray that you are now at peace.
I pray that you are now safely in the arms of Lolo Arturo and Lola Sabel.
Please pray for us, Ninang Ta.
I love you and I will miss you.
Love,
Your Jeana Pot
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