New Sacrifices

Before I start my new entry let me just share two "messages" I got yesterday and today.

Yesterday morning, as soon as I woke up, the first thing in my mind:

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and everything shall be added unto thee."

This morning when I read the reflection of today's reading, the message that struck me was:

"Our God is a God of surprises!"

I guess these two messages set the "stage" of how I am dealing everything what's on my plate now.

I remember mentioning in my previous blog entry that one of our major goals this year is to buy our first home, LATE this year.

I don't know what happened but one thing led to another and we suddenly found ourselves being led to buying our own home, NOW.

It's a big decision alright!

Hubby and I were just reading articles that will keep us informed and knowledgeable of the processes but in two weeks' time so much has happened!

We really haven't bought the house but we are finding ourselves doing baby steps.

We've studied our finances, asked advice, watched and looked at the market for the last two weeks (in two weeks there was so much movement in the market), visited possible sites, compared buying old and new houses,  talked with builders, studied the buying process, registered to new home and land releases and prayed like we've never prayed before! We're not praying that He grants our wishes but we're praying for guidance as this is really a very big investment. To make the long story short, we're new to this and we don't want to make any mistakes so we're carefully doing one step at a time.

Nakakakaba talaga. 

With this new investment comes a whole new set of sacrifices.

If you have been following my blog, you know that there is a deep desire for me to travel locally and globally because I felt I have deprived myself of that when I was younger. I really wanted to go to the US April of this year because I know that once we take the big plunge of buying our own home, travelling will be the first one to be sacrificed. And yes, my worst dreams came true!

Hubby and I had an initial study of our finances and it will be very difficult for us to squeeze in traveling for the family (to give you an idea how much new homes now cost in our area, it ranges from $500,000 and above). Unless I work full time and get the full annual pay of teachers on my level, then talagang maluwag kami, maraming sobra. But I still decided to work as a casual mainly because of the kids. At the end of the day, it will be a choice between spending time with my kids and taking care of my family well over the extra money and owning our own home with much ease.

Knowing me, I should be all grumpy and already super sad because of the would-be scenario. All traveling plans for the year and the next few years, scrapped. But I'm unusually okay. I'm not crying, I'm not grumpy, I'm not mad. I guess I was ready for it. I have long faced the music and so when we found ourselves already in that situation, I was ready emotionally.

I am thankful I'm taking all these things positively. I am also inspired by my kids as they are also cooperative and making their own little sacrifices in helping achieve our goal of saving up for our own home. When we go out and they see something they like, we just tell them NO and remind them of our future plan, and they are okay with it. No more crying and whining, especially for Sam. Everyone is focused on the big project!

I am actually not giving up. In my heart I know that all will fall into place. That there will be a time for all those traveling plans to happen. It might be a difficult start for us, but I'm keeping the faith that it will be easier in a few year's time -- the time when the kids are much bigger and I can go back to work full-time.

The search is on and our hearts are in place ;-)

A Greater Power

The last two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster ride for my family, especially the ones who are based in Manila.

I will not elaborate here but to make the long story short, it is one of the recent episodes of our family's telenovela (Which family does not have one?). Old wounds were opened. Madaming salita at banta na binitiwan na naman. Accusations were made. Service and our being christians were questioned. Hurt, mad and sad. Those are exactly the three words that can fully describe what probably my family, especially my parents felt when all these chaos were happening.

I was mad. I was mad at them. Ang sa akin lang, kami nga na 5 anak ng mga magulang namin never minura, binantaan or bingiyan ng malaking sakit ng ulo sila Papa at Mama, sila pa? We can counter each and every accusation they made at our family. We have a thousand and one proofs. We can engage in a word war with all of them. We can even think and wish bad things to happen to all of them. We can resort to being self-righteous. But no. We took everything...in silence.

All throughout those two weeks, we were in constant communication with our family in Manila. And in all of the exchange of emails to my parents, the only thing we kept on reminding each other especially my parents, hurting as they may seem, is to pray. Pray for them. Pray for ourselves. Pray for the situation.

I kept on reflecting the past couple of days on what His message is for us. The readings everyday really helped a lot. Like what I said earlier, we can fight, eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth...but we chose not to. I personally had to stop myself from thinking and wishing bad things to happen for them. If I catch myself slowly doing that I stop myself and pray. This I have to say: IT IS NOT EASY. I am but a human being. But by and by I'm getting the hang of it...only because of His grace. I realised that we survived, I survived those tempting times not by my own will and definitely NOT by my own doing...but by the grace of Someone greater. Someone more powerful. I needed that. It was only through that Greater Power that allowed me to convert my negative thoughts to more positive ones. To continue hoping for good things to happen.

I will not admit that I have forgotten everything that have just happened nor have I totally forgiven them. Malalim na ang sugat. I am still working on that. When all these dramas started I wished and hoped that something good will come out of this. I haven't fully realised it yet but I am still optimistic that soon, God will reveal all the answers to our "why's?" to my "why's?"

My family is still praying that in time there will be total healing and forgiveness in everyone involved. At this point it seems impossible. But who knows? With God nothing is impossible. After all, after everything that has been said and done, we are just living under His grace...may His will be done.