My Ninang Ta

Dear Ninang Ta,

It is with a heavy heart that I am writing this letter. Thinking about it, I think this has been long overdue.

I actually don't know where to start.

Thank you.

Thank you for all those times you helped Papa and Mama during the times that we didn't have any. I remember those days when Mama will tell us that she had to go to you to "sell" her jewelry so we can have money to spend. I remember as well how you "saved" me from paying for the costume I needed for my sixth grade Christmas concert and my graduation dress. How you sponsored my first JS prom gown -- thank you.

Thank you for making me one of your favourites. You might deny it or other people may question it, but I knew in my heart, that for a time, I was your favourite. You gave me the label "Miss Santos" among us cousins. I felt proud having that title. Thank you for being "soft" to me and for not being strict unlike how you disciplined my other cousins. I felt special, Ninang Ta.

Thank you too for those trips that we had to Quiapo church. I looked forward to Fridays because of those trips. Thank you for spoiling me in your own little way, buying beuatiful dresses in Central Market, nice pair shoes in SM Ermita or Isettan Recto. And how we will eat at 3M pizza after the 12noon mass at Quiapo or how we will eat Halo-halo after our shopping at Central Market.

Thank you for the "secret allowances" that you gave me especially after I receive an award. Thank you for those I was able to buy some fancy toys or school stuff at Tropical. Thank you for being both my Tita and my Ninang. I think I never had the chance to say thank you for really being like a second mother to me while I was growing up.

I can still remember how you tutored me after I got home from school. For teaching me how to draw a balloon and a cat. Thank you for always opening your doors for me and my family.

Sorry.

After we transferred houses our time together lessened. So was our Friday dates. You had a new favourite but I never really took it against you. But, sorry if I didn't make an extra effort to visit you especially when we were living away from one another.

Sorry if I forgot to say "Thank you" for every help that you did. For all the love and care you showed not only to me but for my family.

Sorry for not saying "sorry" during the times we might have hurt you. Or during the times you felt lonely and we failed to make you feel special.

Sorry if I didn't give you enough hugs or cuddles especially when you most needed it.

Sorry if after Lola Sabel died and you were left to your own, I failed to make you feel that even if you dont have a husband or children, that you have me, you have us, to take care of you.

Sorry if the only thing I could offer you during the early stages of your sickness was to sleep beside me on my bed and engage in simple conversations. Yes, I could have done more.

Sorry if I wasn't physically present to take care of you after I got married and  when your Alzheimer's took to a worst turn.

Sorry if the peaceful exit I know you would have wished for didn't happen.

Ninang Ta, I think I forgot to tell you that I love you. I'm sorry.

I pray.

I pray that now that He has ended your suffering, may you enjoy your new home. A home where there is no hatred. No fears. No anxieties. No pain.  No sickness like Alzheimer's.

I pray that your death will bring out something good especially for our family. I am still hoping that your death will be an instrument of peace and healing in our family. Miracles still happen.

I pray that you are now at peace.

I pray that you are now safely in the arms of Lolo Arturo and Lola Sabel.

Please pray for us, Ninang Ta.

I love you and I will miss you.

Love,

Your Jeana Pot