A Journey Called Parenthood

Life-changing. This is something that describes what couples experience once they become parents. I would know, because it happened to me, because it happened to us.
I remember a colleague of mine telling me when I was still heavy with my son, that when he comes out, our lives will change forever. It will be a 360 degree turn. I agreed with her because it was what I have observed with most of the friends who became parents earlier than me. Deep inside though, I still needed some convincing. But I never knew the extent of the influence parenthood makes until I became one. Priorities will change. That one, I assure you.

Before I married my husband, he was dead set of staying in our homeland and even told me that he never sees himself working overseas. Well, all of that changed, especially when we became parents. The proof? We have decided to try our luck and migrated to another country, start all over again, because we know that eventually, our decision will be best for our son. True enough, we are now seeing the wisdom behind our big move. Becoming a parent transforms you and your spouse. You become more selfless. You give more especially to your kids. Work takes a back seat. Extending your time at work is a no-no this time, because you would want to spend more time with your child. Missing out on parties or gatherings don’t bother you anymore. You try your best and you give your best in everything that you do because you only want the best for your child.

Looking back at our own journey I can say that my son did a wonderful thing to me and my husband without even trying! Just by being born, he made me and his dad focus on things that really matter. Just by being born, he made us go out of our comfort zones, hard as it may be. He transformed us to become better individuals. He made us attend to more important things. I am pretty sure; we are not alone on this. I am pretty sure that many parents, like me, can attest how parenthood has brought out the best in them. How they managed to prioritize the more important things in life.
Being a parent is no easy task. It is an everyday thing. But despite the hardships parents face in raising their children, the beauty of parenthood, still outweighs the problems. Parenthood, life-changing? Definitely.

Losing Your Own

Four of my couple friends just lost their little ones yesterday. It is probably one of the worst nightmares of any parent. One was lost even before his parents saw him (still in the early weeks of pregnancy) while the other one did not make it 6 days after being born pre-maturely.

I don't know how it feels. I don't want to pretend that I know because I have never been there, and I hope I won't ever be there. Friends have given their words of comfort and condolences but I know that no amount of comfort can probably take away the grief that these parents have now. Easier said than done.

The closest that I had to losing a loved one was a grandparent or a very good friend. It wasn't too hard for me to go back to "normal" after losing them. But what if it was my own? Can I bear it? I don't know. Only God knows.

Things happen for a reason. Maybe it wasn't meant to be yet for my friends. I would like to think that things will happen for them all in His perfect timing, the way things did for me.

Right now all I can do is let them be, let them mourn, let them feel the pain until they themselves have accepted what happened and have decided that they are ready to go back. Special angels are now watching them, praying for them, praying with them. Losing your own can probably the worst thing you would want. But we take refuge and comfort that when we do lose them, they join our Creator and are in a much happier place than us.

Coming Full Circle

In 1991, I remember my parents talking to 4 Titos who were also our neighbors. No big deal for me then. I thought that they only wanted to talk something about my parents. Before they left, I heard my parents say that they'll think it over. Whatever that was, I was pretty sure then that it didn't involve me. I was wrong. That visit made a big difference it my parents' lives. In our family. In my life. The purpose of that visit was to actually invite my parents to attend the Christian Life Program for married couples. Probably my parents thought that since they were active in church already, being part of the Lectorate ministry, they didn't need to attend gatherings or join groups like those. Well, I wouldn't blame them. Sacrificing 13 Saturday evenings just as so you can finish the program is not an easy thing. I thought that they won't finish the entire program, but I'm glad they did. When my parents became active in the community, I remember having one confrontation with my mom, telling them that they should spend more time with us, rather than spending their weekends with the community. My mom reprimanded me about what I said and just told me not to question their service. I was mad, of course. I felt that their time with us was being taken away by this group. I just didn't see the wisdom of all these prayer meetings and service. Fast forward, I am now 13 years old. My Kuya and Ate were already attending the same program for the kids of the CFC members, the Young Adults. I saw how the community transformed them. Now it was my turn to attend the 13 sessions every Sunday.  Maybe, just maybe, it will also have the same effect on me. So, there I was, together with other teenagers, sacrificing our Sunday afternoons to listen to speakers talk about God, to listen to fellow youth members share about their life, their struggles and their triumphs. Yeah, I was attending the sessions, because I had to. Or maybe I had a crush on someone, hahahaha. But as they say, God works in mysterious ways. Maybe it took some time before it finally dawned on me why I had to be a member of that youth group. When I was in 4th year high school, the mission trips began. Meaning, a couple of us, all youth members, will be sent to some place, usually a province, to conduct the same program for the kids of CFC members. When I was tapped to be a part of one mission I was of course, surprised. I went there to talk about God's love. I don't know if I was an effective speaker, but that chance to talk in front of other youth humbled me and allowed to see things differently. It was then that my relationship with Him started. It was through this community and my experiences when we had camps, youth fellowships, sleepovers, that transformed me. It made me see things differently. See every trial as a blessing in disguise.  My relationship with Him was not bounded by just the traditional prayers. It became more personal. The good thing about it all was that the entire family was experiencing the transformation. Our family is far from being perfect. We still had our share of disagreements or quarrels. But our service to Him through the community made the difference. Fast forward. After many camps, talks, sharings, itwas time to move on. I had to attend another Christian Life Program again. This time, it was with other single men and women of my age. It was at that stage when I met my future husband. No, we didn't meet at the meetings. We met thru a common friend who was also part of the community. Through our interactions, I learned that he was also part of the youth group I belonged to while I was growing up. Same group, but different area. Alvin's parents were also actively serving the community. The funny thing is, he remembers me giving a talk on one of their camps, but I can't remember him. It is also funny to know that we attended the same annual conferences--meaning riding the same boat going to the provinces-- but  still didn't bump into each other. Fast forward. We've been married now for three years and has been a couple since December of 2000. In two week's time we will now be attending the same Christian Life Program that was introduced to our parents over a decade ago. The same community that helped nurture our family's relationship. The same community that made a huge impact in our lives. The community that helped our parents nurture our faith. The same community that gave me my husband. Looking back now at the journey of our parents and what our family had to go through, I am glad our parents decided to respond to the calling. I am now looking forward on our own journey, the fruits of serving Him again, not as a youth, not as a singler adult person, but as a couple, and as a family. We have come full circle.

Nature and Nurture

My husband and I were having one of our usual conversations when suddenly my son did an amusing thing which made us both laugh. I remember telling Alvin to look at what his son has been doing and he just told me "that's what you've prayed for right?" And true enough it was what we prayed for when Liam was still inside my tummy. We always prayed for gifts for our then unborn son, name it, we've prayed for it. Any parent would only want the best for his kids right? Intelligence, wisdom, good physical abilities, and a good heart. And after 18 months of being parents to him we're slowly seeing these gifts with him. We are thankful but we are also challenged. You see, being an Education graduate allowed me to cross paths with this "Nature and Nurture" thing with kids. I realized that having the gifts are not enough. Nurturing the gifts is as important as well. As a parent, you should by all means try in your best capacity to nurture these gifts. That is what Alvin and I will be working on. Seeing how Liam has developed over the last 18 months made us realize that God granted what we have asked of Him. The harder part is how we can nurture these gifts so Liam can grow up to be one person who has maximized all his potentials for the greater glory of his Creator. He is just 18 months and it's a long way for us.We just hope that by the time Liam is old enough to decide for himself, we have done our share of correctly nurturing all his God-given gifts. As for now, we are enjoying every bit of opportunity God has given us to marvel on this little creation He has made and has entrusted to us.