It is in Giving that We Receive

Money has never been an issue with me and hubby except if it involves sending money overseas especially to his parents. I have always embraced this mantra: our family first, our kids first before giving something to family in Manila.

Hubby being the eldest in their family and working abroad that is, feels that he has a responsibility to give assistance to their family back in Manila. All his siblings are all professionals but truth to be told, if we are compare their salary with his salary, of course he is in a better position to help his parents back home. Both my in-laws are long retired from their professions and to their credit, NEVER have they asked any money from us since we have migrated here.

Bringing my in-laws back here would mean that we had to spend for everything, from visa-application to fare to travel insurance. That was fine with me because we can get to save from childcare fees for Sammie when they are here. To make it easy on me I was just thinking that instead of using the money to pay childcare, we just used it for the fare of one of them.

When they got here of course it would mean additional budget for food and an increase in the utility bills -- gas, electricity and water. Not to mention the money we have to spend everytime we go out, we eat or visit places. That was fine with me especially with all the help we have been getting from them. I was not planning in giving them any allowances while they were with us but I guess God really works in ways we don't understand.

Aside from shopping for them and I just found myself telling Alvin that I'd be giving an allowance to Dad and Mum after their first week of stay with us. Yes, I volunteered! Milagro! I sensed Alvin was surprised too! hehehe Anyway, to make the long story short, we gave them allowance every week and I was giving it to them without a heavy heart. I felt good about the whole thing.

When my sister-in-law arrived, again, it was another opportunity to spend. I think I mentioned in my previous blog that with all the travels we have been making I am starting to get worried. I was worried because it was all spending, lahat palabas, konti lang ang papasok. I even told hubby that I wasn't doing any accounting with all our expenses! I was getting worried because my guaranteed teaching days (teaching blocks) were ending. Tapping on our savings was non-negotiable of course.  But in my heart I know that God would provide.

During the last week of my parents-in-law I again felt the Spirit moving me and I again volunteered to prepare a little amount of money for Lolo Dad and Lola Mum. If it was the old Jeana, I'd probably wouldn't even have thought about it since we have already spent a lot for them. But I went with it. Along with our Thank You cards, we gave them that as a send-off present. Not only that, I felt like Santa I even thought of sending money too for his other siblings in Manila! Call it an early Christmas present! I don't know what was wrong with me! hehehehe Bahala na sila Lord. I gave it in good spirit and not with a heavy heart.

I was still worried though. I am only but human. But true enough, God proves that so long as you share, He will take care of the rest! As soon as we gave something be it in church, our chosen NGOs and most especially to our family, something comes back, instantly! Amazing indeed!

Tunay nga, kapag sarado ang kamay mo wala ka ng pwedeng matanggap kesa kung nakabukas ang mga palad mo, mas maraming biyaya ang matatanggap mo!

This whole thing of giving has been a loooong struggle for me. Slowly but surely I can feel that God is working in me, changing my heart, changing my views, changing my ways.  And just when I thought I have fully learned this lesson and fully embraced this mantra, God taps me and tells me I'm not yet 100% okay, that He is not done with me yet. Yes, it's my parents' turn this time. It's their turn to be God's instruments of teaching me to embrace the fact that indeed it is in giving that we receive.

My Second Parents

How's your relationship with your in-laws? Hmmm, sensitive topic? I can't blame you. Time and again we have seen how society tried to show in different ways the love-hate relationship between in-laws. John and Marsha is one classic example, right? 

I was not spared from this too! Growing up, I saw how conflicts can arise between my Grandma and my Papa. When hubby and I got married, as soon as we got back from our honeymoon, we immediately stayed in a rented condo unit. So even if we have been bf-gf for five years before we tied the knot, there was no opportunity for me and my parents-in-law to really bond and get to know each other. (Five years is quite long you say not to know each other, right? Yes, but it is still different is you stay UNDER ONE ROOF everyday!). 

 The first time we really had to live under one roof was three years ago. Alvin and I asked them if they can come over to help us out at home as I was about to give birth to Sam. It was also an opportunity for them to have an out-of-the country trip and visit Australia the first time. My being OC and my being pregnant was a bad combination! To make things worse, we were all first timers! First timers to be together under one roof for six looooooong months!!!! I can only laugh and feel embarrased as I look back. Yes, it wasn't a bed of roses. I was always annoyed and I always had something to say! I got irritated with them so easily with the smallest error or boo boo they make. I got angry when they don't do it my way. Yes, I was a big pain in the neck! Surprisingly, we didn't have any confrontations or big fights. That, I give credit to them. Before they left Sydney, I apologised for being a B**** at times. Honestly, I wasn't proud of myself. Inside, I wanted our relationship to work and not end up like that of my grandma and my Papa. 

Fast forward to 2013. Learning from our previous encounter, we were both ready to be more patient, understanding and loving toward one another. I was also thankful that I had a full-time job because I felt it was an opportunity for me not to focus on the small things they might do that might irritate me. Months before they arrived, I was praying for myself! Yes, I did! Looking back I guess it worked, big time! 

My friend Vera, knowing the history of my in-laws' first visit did ask how I was doing after a few days since arriving in Sydney. I told her I actually didn't know and I think I have mellowed. I was still not sure then since I was out most of the time due to work. After almost three months, I can safely say, I have indeed mellowed. This time around, I saw and got to appreciate my in-laws, big time! Working full time for two months was no big joke! I had to leave early for school and get home a bit late. It would have been a disaster if they were not around while I worked everyday. I had two extra pairs of hands to help me out in my duties at home including taking care of the kids.I am thankful that they were there to listen to my stories about work especially during the times I had to address two major concerns at work. They were my listening ears and my shock absorbers! 

This time around, we bonded. We shared stories. It melted my heart to hear their stories when they were just starting their family. We exchanged our views about different things and we shopped together. This time around, I made sure to focus on the positives than the negatives. Oh, I still get irritated when our personalities and practices clash, but I have decided to choose my battles. In the end I think, it did pay off :-)

 I will not take all the credit...not even half of it. I guess I've been blessed to have very good and down-to-earth in-laws. I now know where hubby got his innate goodness (kabaitan). They are not the type who are "matampuhin" or "madrama" kapag nasungitan mo na. You can be vocal about what you like and what you don't like without them having a grudge on you. Hindi nagtatanim ng sama ng loob. As for my mother-in-law? She knows that there should only be one Queen in each home and she knows that it's me! She is not a demanding mother. She does not try to grab the spotlight or her son away from me or the kids. She knows her place and she proved it through her actions. I know, I should be thankful. 

 This morning when we were praying over them before their flight back to Manila, I can't help but cry. Alvin was even blaming me why he started crying too! Becoming a parent makes you realise a lot of things. Seeing their child pray over them and seeing them enjoy the things their son was able to give them melted my heart. Seeing your offspring successful and contented with his life is I guess the best reward any parent can have. I just can't help but think about my own kids...when they have their own families and kids. I want to be like my parents and my in-laws. I want to enjoy my retirement, I want to enjoy my grandkids, I want to enjoy the labour of love I have put in raising my kids -- not really financially, but the joy, contententment and the respect. I want to feel all of those when I am already old and grey. I can't have that if what I sow in them is hatred or anger to my in-laws. My kids will see, my kids will feel, my kids might think that it's the right thing. I believe in karma. Baka pagnagsungit or binastos ko ang in-laws ko, balang araw baka makatagpo ako ng manugang na gawin din sa akin yun. 

Like in so many other times, I am thankful for the opportunity to realise all of these things. I am thankful for the opportunity to learn from this part of my journey. I am thankful for the opportunity I had to be closer to my in-laws.

 I miss them already! 

 Yes, I have learned to love my in-laws :-)

The Beauty Of Having A "No"

Most often than not, when we pray about something, we always hope (or expect?) that God would give us a "yes." Years ago, I was like that. Looking back at my journey, I can now only smile on the times I had a "No" from God. Now, I am even thankful that He said No to some of my prayers in the past. Time they say will reveal everything and true enough, now I am seeing the wisdom and understanding the reasons why He had to say No.

There were a lot of no's but my biggest ones?

He said no when I told Him let me finish my Dentistry course.

He said no when I asked Him to fix my previous relationship.

He said no when I said I didn't want to finish my Master's degree.

He said no when I said I wanted to defer my Certificate Course on Religious Ed here in Sydney.

He said no when I asked Him I wanted to be a mum straight away after getting married.

He said no when I asked Him I wanted a full time job in Australia.

He said no when I asked Him to give Alvin an engineering job straight away in Australia.

And recently, He said no when I asked Him to have our annual family travel to the US.

Looking back, I now know:

He said no so I can be stronger.

He said no so I can be more faithful.

He said no so I can be a witness to others.

He said no so I can inspire others.

He said no so I can be wiser.

He said no to prepare my path.

He said no to help me with my future.

He said no to show me what great and bigger plans He has in store for me.

It took me years to realise why He said no. He said no so I can have what I have now and appreciate all of it too. 

I know that the waiting part is hard, harder to do than say, but if you just open your eyes and your heart, believe me, in the end it will all be worth it. 

So embrace the no's in your life. They are all part of His plan. They are blessings in disguise.

Fireproofing Our Marriage

It's been crazy busy the past few weeks. Family coming over to have a quick Sydney holiday prompting us to have day long-drives around the State, inter-State and day trips within the City. Tiring and a bit expensive but I'm not complaining, a little worried yes, but happy. Not only were we able to bring our visitors to these places, my family was also able to spend time with one another. At the end of the day, I'm a happier wife and mum.

It's been a while since I last wrote not because I didn't have the time but I didn't have the inspiration to write. Well, now I do.

Last night, during our upper Household Prayer meeting, we watched the movie, Fireproof. Have you watched it? Well, if you haven't, try watching it WITH YOUR SPOUSE.

Here is the official trailer of the movie.

STOP!

Don't read on if you do not want any spoilers. But if you're intrigued, read on :-)

It basically is about a couple who were undergoing rough times in their married life on the verge of divorce when hubby, with help of his Dad, tried to save their marriage. There are a lot of points and quotes from the movie that are worth reflecting not only for one's self but as a couple...one of the reasons why I liked the movie. The group had a quick sharing after the movie but even when we were driving home, Alvin and I can't stop discussing about the movie.

Let me share some of the quotes from the movie:

I tried to Google the movie quotes and  chanced upon one blog that really wrote the quotes. What a great find! I can now go back and reflect on each one at a time :-)

The best lessons for me:

“Fireproof does not mean that a fire will never come. But that when it comes, you’ll be able to withstand it.”

“God made marriage to be for life. That’s why you gotta keep your vows to your spouse. You gotta ask God to teach you how to be a good husband/wife. And don’t just follow your heart, because your heart can be deceived. But you gotta lead your heart.”

" You never leave your partner, especially during a fire."

“When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies. But after he wins her heart and marries her, he often stops learning about her. If the amount he studied her before marriage was equal to a high school degree, he should continue to learn about her until he gains a college degree, a master’s degree, and ultimately a doctorate degree. It is a lifelong journey that draws his heart ever close to hers.”

Highlight of the movie was the husband's journey of discoveries and  transformation as he tried to save their marriage. His father gave him a 40-day challenge and lucky me, I chanced upon another blog that listed the 40 day- challenge Caleb had to do to save their marriage.

After finishing the 40-day challenge and his wife discovers about it, she asked what day he's in. When he mentioned it's already Day 43. Wife is confused why he's still in to it, he says: "Who says it should stop at 40 days?"

Yup, we can always do something to improve our marriage, everyday.

True enough, marriage is a never ending learning process. You may be married for a long time now but you will still never run out of opportunities to learn new things together.

So if you and hubby finally decide to watch the movie, prepare the box of tissue!

Enjoy :-)