I was not spared from this too!
Growing up, I saw how conflicts can arise between my Grandma and my Papa. When hubby and I got married, as soon as we got back from our honeymoon, we immediately stayed in a rented condo unit. So even if we have been bf-gf for five years before we tied the knot, there was no opportunity for me and my parents-in-law to really bond and get to know each other. (Five years is quite long you say not to know each other, right? Yes, but it is still different is you stay UNDER ONE ROOF everyday!).
The first time we really had to live under one roof was three years ago. Alvin and I asked them if they can come over to help us out at home as I was about to give birth to Sam. It was also an opportunity for them to have an out-of-the country trip and visit Australia the first time. My being OC and my being pregnant was a bad combination! To make things worse, we were all first timers! First timers to be together under one roof for six looooooong months!!!! I can only laugh and feel embarrased as I look back. Yes, it wasn't a bed of roses. I was always annoyed and I always had something to say! I got irritated with them so easily with the smallest error or boo boo they make. I got angry when they don't do it my way. Yes, I was a big pain in the neck! Surprisingly, we didn't have any confrontations or big fights. That, I give credit to them. Before they left Sydney, I apologised for being a B**** at times.
Honestly, I wasn't proud of myself. Inside, I wanted our relationship to work and not end up like that of my grandma and my Papa.
Fast forward to 2013. Learning from our previous encounter, we were both ready to be more patient, understanding and loving toward one another. I was also thankful that I had a full-time job because I felt it was an opportunity for me not to focus on the small things they might do that might irritate me. Months before they arrived, I was praying for myself! Yes, I did! Looking back I guess it worked, big time!
My friend Vera, knowing the history of my in-laws' first visit did ask how I was doing after a few days since arriving in Sydney. I told her I actually didn't know and I think I have mellowed. I was still not sure then since I was out most of the time due to work. After almost three months, I can safely say, I have indeed mellowed. This time around, I saw and got to appreciate my in-laws, big time! Working full time for two months was no big joke! I had to leave early for school and get home a bit late. It would have been a disaster if they were not around while I worked everyday. I had two extra pairs of hands to help me out in my duties at home including taking care of the kids.I am thankful that they were there to listen to my stories about work especially during the times I had to address two major concerns at work. They were my listening ears and my shock absorbers!
This time around, we bonded. We shared stories. It melted my heart to hear their stories when they were just starting their family. We exchanged our views about different things and we shopped together. This time around, I made sure to focus on the positives than the negatives. Oh, I still get irritated when our personalities and practices clash, but I have decided to choose my battles. In the end I think, it did pay off :-)
I will not take all the credit...not even half of it. I guess I've been blessed to have very good and down-to-earth in-laws. I now know where hubby got his innate goodness (kabaitan). They are not the type who are "matampuhin" or "madrama" kapag nasungitan mo na. You can be vocal about what you like and what you don't like without them having a grudge on you. Hindi nagtatanim ng sama ng loob. As for my mother-in-law? She knows that there should only be one Queen in each home and she knows that it's me! She is not a demanding mother. She does not try to grab the spotlight or her son away from me or the kids. She knows her place and she proved it through her actions. I know, I should be thankful.
This morning when we were praying over them before their flight back to Manila, I can't help but cry. Alvin was even blaming me why he started crying too! Becoming a parent makes you realise a lot of things. Seeing their child pray over them and seeing them enjoy the things their son was able to give them melted my heart. Seeing your offspring successful and contented with his life is I guess the best reward any parent can have. I just can't help but think about my own kids...when they have their own families and kids. I want to be like my parents and my in-laws. I want to enjoy my retirement, I want to enjoy my grandkids, I want to enjoy the labour of love I have put in raising my kids -- not really financially, but the joy, contententment and the respect. I want to feel all of those when I am already old and grey. I can't have that if what I sow in them is hatred or anger to my in-laws. My kids will see, my kids will feel, my kids might think that it's the right thing. I believe in karma. Baka pagnagsungit or binastos ko ang in-laws ko, balang araw baka makatagpo ako ng manugang na gawin din sa akin yun.
Like in so many other times, I am thankful for the opportunity to realise all of these things. I am thankful for the opportunity to learn from this part of my journey. I am thankful for the opportunity I had to be closer to my in-laws.
I miss them already!
Yes, I have learned to love my in-laws :-)
