My Second Parents

How's your relationship with your in-laws? Hmmm, sensitive topic? I can't blame you. Time and again we have seen how society tried to show in different ways the love-hate relationship between in-laws. John and Marsha is one classic example, right? 

I was not spared from this too! Growing up, I saw how conflicts can arise between my Grandma and my Papa. When hubby and I got married, as soon as we got back from our honeymoon, we immediately stayed in a rented condo unit. So even if we have been bf-gf for five years before we tied the knot, there was no opportunity for me and my parents-in-law to really bond and get to know each other. (Five years is quite long you say not to know each other, right? Yes, but it is still different is you stay UNDER ONE ROOF everyday!). 

 The first time we really had to live under one roof was three years ago. Alvin and I asked them if they can come over to help us out at home as I was about to give birth to Sam. It was also an opportunity for them to have an out-of-the country trip and visit Australia the first time. My being OC and my being pregnant was a bad combination! To make things worse, we were all first timers! First timers to be together under one roof for six looooooong months!!!! I can only laugh and feel embarrased as I look back. Yes, it wasn't a bed of roses. I was always annoyed and I always had something to say! I got irritated with them so easily with the smallest error or boo boo they make. I got angry when they don't do it my way. Yes, I was a big pain in the neck! Surprisingly, we didn't have any confrontations or big fights. That, I give credit to them. Before they left Sydney, I apologised for being a B**** at times. Honestly, I wasn't proud of myself. Inside, I wanted our relationship to work and not end up like that of my grandma and my Papa. 

Fast forward to 2013. Learning from our previous encounter, we were both ready to be more patient, understanding and loving toward one another. I was also thankful that I had a full-time job because I felt it was an opportunity for me not to focus on the small things they might do that might irritate me. Months before they arrived, I was praying for myself! Yes, I did! Looking back I guess it worked, big time! 

My friend Vera, knowing the history of my in-laws' first visit did ask how I was doing after a few days since arriving in Sydney. I told her I actually didn't know and I think I have mellowed. I was still not sure then since I was out most of the time due to work. After almost three months, I can safely say, I have indeed mellowed. This time around, I saw and got to appreciate my in-laws, big time! Working full time for two months was no big joke! I had to leave early for school and get home a bit late. It would have been a disaster if they were not around while I worked everyday. I had two extra pairs of hands to help me out in my duties at home including taking care of the kids.I am thankful that they were there to listen to my stories about work especially during the times I had to address two major concerns at work. They were my listening ears and my shock absorbers! 

This time around, we bonded. We shared stories. It melted my heart to hear their stories when they were just starting their family. We exchanged our views about different things and we shopped together. This time around, I made sure to focus on the positives than the negatives. Oh, I still get irritated when our personalities and practices clash, but I have decided to choose my battles. In the end I think, it did pay off :-)

 I will not take all the credit...not even half of it. I guess I've been blessed to have very good and down-to-earth in-laws. I now know where hubby got his innate goodness (kabaitan). They are not the type who are "matampuhin" or "madrama" kapag nasungitan mo na. You can be vocal about what you like and what you don't like without them having a grudge on you. Hindi nagtatanim ng sama ng loob. As for my mother-in-law? She knows that there should only be one Queen in each home and she knows that it's me! She is not a demanding mother. She does not try to grab the spotlight or her son away from me or the kids. She knows her place and she proved it through her actions. I know, I should be thankful. 

 This morning when we were praying over them before their flight back to Manila, I can't help but cry. Alvin was even blaming me why he started crying too! Becoming a parent makes you realise a lot of things. Seeing their child pray over them and seeing them enjoy the things their son was able to give them melted my heart. Seeing your offspring successful and contented with his life is I guess the best reward any parent can have. I just can't help but think about my own kids...when they have their own families and kids. I want to be like my parents and my in-laws. I want to enjoy my retirement, I want to enjoy my grandkids, I want to enjoy the labour of love I have put in raising my kids -- not really financially, but the joy, contententment and the respect. I want to feel all of those when I am already old and grey. I can't have that if what I sow in them is hatred or anger to my in-laws. My kids will see, my kids will feel, my kids might think that it's the right thing. I believe in karma. Baka pagnagsungit or binastos ko ang in-laws ko, balang araw baka makatagpo ako ng manugang na gawin din sa akin yun. 

Like in so many other times, I am thankful for the opportunity to realise all of these things. I am thankful for the opportunity to learn from this part of my journey. I am thankful for the opportunity I had to be closer to my in-laws.

 I miss them already! 

 Yes, I have learned to love my in-laws :-)

Dear Liam

Last night it just hit me, I want to write you a letter. At the end of this month you will exactly be 3 and a half years old. Of how time flies! I can still remember praying fervently so that your Papa and I can already have our little bundle of joy. It took me a year to get pregnant with you and all I can say is, the wait was definitely all worth it :)

I am writing this letter because years from now I know that you will have a life of your own. You will choose the clothes you wear, eat the food you want, choose your own friends and do whatever that pleases you....but I just thought of writing this down so that I can have something to remind you of how you were as a kid and how your childhood was when you're all grown up.

Like what your Mama and Papa always tell you (and whisper to you when you are sound asleep at night), we continue to praise and thank Bro for giving you to us. I know that all parents are lucky to have their children but I and your Papa are not only lucky but thankful as well that it was us whom God chose to take care of you.

You never cease to amaze us with your sweetness and with your thoughtfulness. On days when Mama gets tired with all the work at home, you just tell me out of the blue "Mama, thank you for taking care of us" or sometimes "Mama, thank you for helping us" followed by a tight warm hug from you. You definitely brighten up our day when you also just tell us, "Papa, I love you" or "Mama, I love you" with or without an audience. And on days when you sense that Mama's starting to get mad on some silly little things that you do, you would ask Mama in your concerned voice, "Mama, are you getting mad already?" And when I say yes, I instantly see your effort to make me happy. And when Mama is sad you tell me things like "Don't worry Mama, I will make you happy." Writing it all now I feel that it is you who's taking care of me instead of the other way around. Oh how will I forget the time when you saw me nursing the wound on my hand? You told me, "Mama, I kissed that already, you want me to kiss it again so that it will not get ouchy anymore?" My heart melted after you said that.

You are an amazing Kuya to Sam as well. You have been Mama's greatest helper whenever we are at home or when we are out doing some errands and your Papa cannot join us. Sometimes I feel guilty when you told me, "Mama, why do you need my help all the time?" You're right, you are just a 3-year-old kid but with everything that you have been doing to help Mama, sometimes I forget about that. When Mama is driving and your sister starts crying in the car, you automatically sing to her "You are my Sunshine" or "Bahay Kubo" to help calm her and soothe her. You watch over her when Mama takes a bath or cooks our food. Thank you Kuya Liam! You are a life saver! You never gave us a hard time when your sister came. And we see how much you adore your baby sister. We know that you will grow up taking care of her.

Remember when you opened the door for Mama after I picked you from school? A granny who was in the other car saw what you did and fell in love with you too! I was one proud Mum!

You never stop surprising us with your brilliance! The way how you learn through your observations? I am happy to see what you are learning when you start doing it in your play-pretend at home. When you pretend to be a chef, a doctor, a tennis player, a soccer player, even a rock star! Oh boy you learn fast! You were toilet trained earlier than kids your age and my goodness, you surprised me one day when you told me you can already clean yourself with a tissue after you poo, without any help. Of course, I needed convincing so after seeing it myself, I am convinced. (I still have to double check it though, okay? :)) Son don't grow up too fast. I can sense that you will be one independent kid, you want to do things all by yourself now -- combing your hair, brushing your teeth, eating on your own, playing your dvds and and using the laptop! You take pride by telling me "Mama, I did it all by myself!" when you successfully hurdled something that before was sooo hard for you to do. Putting on your socks, putting your rubber shoes, putting your shirt or sando! Remember when you got mad at mama for removing the buttons of your pjs when I had to give you a bath before your soccer class? You told me "Mama, next time, I'll do it, okay?" And Mama learned her lesson. Sorry if Mama insists in doing it because Mama's always in a hurry but I did see you can manipulate those buttons perfectly!

You are one responsible boy. It seems like play to you but you actually enjoy cleaning the car and vaccum the house with Pops, cook with Mama, set the table and pack away your toys. We are proud of you!

You are one good kid. Whenever we are at the shops and you see something, a toy or an electronic gadget, a book, or a food, and Mama says "No, we won't buy it" you'll not cry and have tantrums. Just last week, you wanted to buy that firetruck toy at the shops and when we were asking you if you really wanted to buy the toy, all you did was just put your hands in your pockets and bowed your head as if telling us "I don't know...maybe..." Initially, we did say "no, we're not buying it" and when you didn't have any violent reactions (even if we already know you do want the toy), your Papa's heart melted so he finally decided to but the toy for you. You ask permission if you can have lollies or chocolates, or ice cream or even softdrinks and how your eyes brighten up when Mama says "Yes!"

You are one bright and deep kid. You ask questions like "Mama, are you happy? Why are you happy?" in the middle of lunch. You ask questions about Jesus, the church and the pratices. There is always the "why?" Why do we go to church? Why do we pray all the time? Why do we always say the same prayers? Sometimes I find myself at a loss. I just hope that I can satisfy your curiosity in the questions you will throw at me in the future. And when you pray! Oh how you pray! You even pray for the trees and the flowers, the sun and the rain! I was so happy when you were able to recite your first traditional prayer, Angel of God. But it's just the start. Mama still has to teach you a lot.

You are one funny kid. You are not afraid to look funny just to make your sister laugh or us laugh. You crack jokes that is always a hit with Sam.

Of course, I also enjoy how you deal with your own set of struggles and learn from them. Seeing you just enjoying your childhood, with your cousins when you play with them, with the other KFC members or your classmates. When you sometimes just act your age -- whining every now and then, telling Mama you're starting to get sad or mad or angry. Making kulit every now and then. When you have episodes of stubborness. Don't worry, we know that you are not perfect and we're not expecting you to be.

As I end this letter, you just woke up from your afternoon nap and is now sitting beside me. I wonder if you have any idea that this letter is all about you. :) Papa and Mama always pray to Bro that He helps us to be the parents that He would want us to be so we can raise you and your sister to be the persons He would want you to be. It's a scary prayer because I don't know if part of that plan is for you to experience hurts or commit mistakes or make the wrong choices. But I know all of those are part of God's great plan for you.

As for now, we will continue to enjoy and share with you your happy childhood and cherish all these wonderful memories. I Love You Son. To the Moon and Back.

Love,
Mama