Finally. I consider myself a people-pleaser. Blame it on my experiences in elementary and in high-school. I usually find myself trying to please other people, especially those who seem to not like me, to the point of abusing myself, emotionally at that.
Looking at what we have now, I really don't know if I should still consider our relationship as friendship. Well, to start with, I knew and you knew that we will never be the best of friends, but in my heart I have hoped that we could be good friends. On my part, I tried my best to reach out, but it seems it hasn't been and will not be reciprocated.
Friendster. Facebook. Something that still keeps us connected. I tried to be happy with what you have now-- comments, "like" buttons, emails and chats...but it just puzzles me why, you don't seem to feel the same. I feel sad, disappointed most of the times seeing how you react with the others and not react with me. At one point I thought this was a sign of bitterness. I don't know.Maybe. But only you can answer that. It still puzzles me why you can't even push the "like" button for something beautiful that has happened in our lives. Over the pictures, the celebrations, the good news. None. Well, I thought that after the Christian link between our families have been made, we could be better friends. We get to chat every now and then and exchange mails as well. After the exchange of stories and letters I thought we're on our way to a better and lasting friendship. I actually look forward to sharing my dilemmas and motherhood journeys/stories with you because I know that you can share some and give me tips along the way. But I guess, I'm still that person you wouldn't want to be good friends with. So it just occured to me, why do I have to insist myself to you? Why do I have to do everything to please you? Why do I have to make our relationship a real friendship? I feel that I have taken the extra mile. I did my share. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe it's time for me to break free. And I did. Now, I feel lighter and happier. I actually feel good about doing it. I finally made sure that I was being true to myself. Now, I am free.
