Early Birthday Present

Two weeks from now I'll be turning a year older. Since my friends decided to have a double celebration on that day -- my baby shower and my birthday celebration as well, it means that Alvin and I won't have the time all to ourselves.




Since my in-laws are here, he decided to have a simple way of celebrating my birthday with just the two of us.

No fancy things and no dramas, just a simple movie date and giving me my birthday present two weeks ahead of time. :) After being with him for almost a decade, I know that he's not the type who makes "bawi" ...he tries his best day in and day out to make the day special...so when a special day comes, dramas and surprises are not needed anymore (same belief as Lucy Torres - Gomez). Opposite of me? In a way, yes. Hehehe

Thanks Papa for our "us" time yesterday and for the "gift of time"

Me and My Emotions

This is not the best time to write about my emotions. For one, I am pregnant, which means that I am more emotional than the usual because all my hormones are acting up. Yes, I do find myself acting up as well. Easily crying over the simplest thing that makes me sad or upset. But I am trying to control my emotions not wanting my daughter to imbibe the negative feelings I have. As they say, it will be harder for me if she does come out and becomes cranky and emotional as well.

Well, last Sunday, through our community, there was a Women's forum that was organized for the wives and widows and the separated ones. It talked about the emotions of women and how to address it. It was good in a sense because it gave me ideas not only on how to control my emotions but how to address my emotions as well. It was also a blessing that during those days, I was reading the book Eat.Pray.Love and was actually on the part were she was trying to find balance in her life as well. I found the book interesting because I can very much relate to the author during those times that she tries to address her emotions and tries to make them settle. No, my life is not dramatic as hers (the author of the book) but I feel there were good points that were raised in the book that I can very much use in my life.

So now, I can say that I am a work in progress as regards to how I deal with my emotions. I already choose my battles and hopefully, whenever I find myself being emotional again, I can do the right approaches like what I have heard and read, and God-willing end up not really avoiding or repressing the emotion, but dealing with it the way it should have been dealt.

The Year That Was 2010

Two of my friends have already started to make their year-in-review of how this year went. I can totally agree that it is still 2 and a half more months before we call the year over, but it is indeed a nice practice to stop and reflect how the year went. So now, I'm doing my own year-in-review to the year that was 2010.

It started out big and I think it will end big as well. January of 2010 we finally got a place of our own and moved out from my Kuya's house, where we stayed for almost 9 months. March 2010, it was confirmed that I am expecting our second-child. Fall was spent trying to cope with the discomforts of pregnancy for the first trimester. Quality time was spent as well with my parents. Winter, Alvin got a new job. Finally, he was able to penetrate the mainstream in the field of Mechanical Engineering. After two jobs and 1 year and two months of sacrifice and constant prayers, our prayers were granted. Spring, more casual work for me. Time is also now being spent with Alvin's parents, as they are to spend 5 months with us. Now as the year comes to a close, our second-child, a baby girl this time, will finally be born!

It is still too early to end this blog because a lot of things can still happen in two and a half months. But all in all, it was a good year. There were trying times, but as they say, every trial is an opportunity, and every opportunity is a blessing. I am keeping my hopes up and I am keeping the faith, that this year will end good and that the coming year will be more joyful and blessed (amidst problems and trials and challenges).

Merry Christmas everyone and Happy New Year!

May we all be continually be blessed especially in 2011!

Friends as Lovers

Alvin and I started out as friends and I am so thankful. My failed relationship (relationships? hehehe) prior to meeting him probably lacked the friendship factor. We met through common friends and the first time we met he really didn't get a good impression on me. First, on our way to our common friend's gig, we almost hit another car in UP and of course I heard him curse the driver. Next, I learned right away that he was a Frat member. So no way am I going to be friends with this guy.

On our friend's gig he was busy and seemed to enjoy the company of my other female friend, of course I had our other friends as well that night so it didn't matter if we talked or not.

Nakakatawa minsan ang tadhana pero, as they say, God's ways are not our ways. To make the long story short, we found ourselves (together with 2 other female friends) constantly going out until his "crush" left for abroad. Now, left with another female friend, we still continued to hang out until it was time for him to go to Japan for six months. During the time he brings me home after a gimik, my sister would often tease me. But I'd deny it telling her and trying to convince her that we are just friends. Just that. I am sure of that. A week before he left, I admit, he was starting to have a soft spot in my heart (though I was still nursing a very broken heart at that time), because he is soooo good. Ang bait. Of course I didn't pay attention to what I was feeling. Admiration is not harmful.

While in Japan, we exchanged e-mails. He shared stories of how life has been and his self-discoveries. Most of which were focused on a girl best friend who was slowly starting to be more than a best friend for him. So in short, we had "love notes." I was telling him my stories and updates regarding my relationship. I'd give him the girl's point of view and constantly tried to lift his spirits whenever something not good happens regarding his dilemma. The funny thing was, when my email was so full already I asked his helped (being a late bloomer with the internet and all) in fixing my e-mails. Ayun, he got to read all, as in all of the emails of my ex to me! So there was something to tease about again.

When he got home from Japan, kala ko, mag-iiba, but he continued to keep in touch with me and another female friend. We continued to hang out and share stories. I think I was with him when the "big no" was already given by his female best friend. He was also there when I finally decided that I needed to move on with my life already. We burned our phone lines! As in, telebabad galore! Talking about how our day went and much more.

I won't elaborate anymore what had happened (that's another story and longer one), but through phone calls almost every night and meetings 2-3 times a week, the two of us were surprised to find ourselves feeling something different towards the other, much more than friendship. I can't be thankful enough that we knew each other's attitudes first (no pretentions whatsoever), before we decided to take the risk -- of risking our friendship in favor of a boy-girl relationship. I am thankful that we knew of each other's moods and likes and dislikes, and dreams and hopes and plans for the future, opinion on faith on politics, on everything under the sun, before we took the next step. I am glad that we knew each other well first, well in the sense that even if one does not talk, we already know what goes inside his head or what the other is feeling. I am thankful that we got to say whatever we liked to say even if it hurts already (hey, true friends are supposed to be there to remind you and say things to you, rub things on your face, even if you don't want to hear it right?)

Now that we are already married, it sometimes occurs to me what would have happened if we were not friends to start with. Maybe, just maybe, we would not end up together. I'd probably see myself trying too much and end up making trial and error.Now when things don't go well for us as a couple, I can say that it helps that we can separate ourselves from our role as a spouse and become a friend first. We see the problem in a different angle and gets to understand the other better. Looking at our parents now, and seeing that they are so near at the "empty nest stage" in their lives, I can't help but realize that friendship is indeed the best foundation for any relationship. When the time comes whe all our children have grown and it's just the two of us again whose left, I think friendship will still play a vital role. In the end it will be just the two of us again. If we are not friends, I don;t know how we'll spend the rest of our lives together. I am glad I took the risk. I am glad we took the risk. The challenge now is how do we maintain the friendship in our relationship? That is another story :)

My Kuya Story

I remember mentioning in one of my recent blog entries about my Kuya Story. I didn't elaborate much then because the blog focused on me and my Ate. ANd now, since it is our birth month, I'm taking the time out to write and share my Kuya story.

I remember a friend and a former co-teacher that mentioned that they prefer a girl for their first-born because generally, girls are more responsible. They said whoever is the first in the family will really play a big role on how the younger siblings will act. I am a girl and I can say I agree with them that girls seem and are indeed more responsible (hehe sorry guys) but I disagree when they said their gender preference for their first-born. Why? Because probably I have been blessed with a responsible Kuya (and my husband is a first-born as well, who is also a very, very responsible and disciplined man as well).

While growing up, I experienced being compared to him maybe because among the girls, I was the one who also showed promise in the field of academics like my Kuya. This probably the reason why I harbored some ill feelings towards my parents (especially my Mama, but happy to say that I'm way over that already, it was their way to bring out the best in me :)). The height of the competition reached its peak when I got to high school and I tried in vain to get the same awards and achievements my Kuya had when he was in high school. It didn't help that we both went on the same school and most of our teachers were the same. Award after award, it was till not enough and I was getting tired! But despite all of these (and him being Mama's favorite hehehe)he didn't abuse it, meaning he didn't abuse the fact that he was my mom's favorite. During times of argument with my parents and I'd end up crying, he'd be the one to console me and process the entire thing. I felt loved.

Birthdays have been an issue as well. I always felt my Mom was more excited with what to do with his birthday, considering that my birthday goes first. I on the 30th and him on the 31st. But as I have mentioned that's a thing of the past now. Now, we usually celebrate our birthdays together.

Our similarities does not end in our achievements. As my sister-in-law (my Kuya's wife)told Alvin when we stayed at their home last year, she has never seen two people, being sooo similar in practices, mannerisms, attitudes and the like. Of course, she was referring to me and my Kuya. Okay, okay, I admit he has more charisma than I do hehehe :)

I really look up to him. He has touched my life and inspired me to do my best in everything that I do. When blessings come in, he is a constant reminder that we should share those blessings and be reminded always of the people who have been instruments of those blessings. I won't elaborate the things that he has done for the family (friends and relatives at that) but if people will only know all these stories I'm sure he'd have a fans club of his own. He is a very generous (this is one aspect I can't follow hahaha but I'm trying!) and selfless man. He never gets tired of helping family and even friends who are in need. That is why I think the blessings that they receive are endless as well. I am pretty sure my parents, just like me and my other siblings are very proud of what he has become now. He himself had a very colorful journey! I am sure, humble that he is, he wouldn't want the things he has been through and what he has brought to the family be announced to the whole world (baka sakalin niya ako when I publish it). But I will remember. And we will remember.

I am blessed to have a Kuya like him. I thank God that He chose him to be my Kuya. Happy Birthday Kuya! We love you!

Nesting

In 7 or 8 weeks' time I will give birth to our second child, Andrea Samantha, and for the past weeks now, I have found myself nesting.

Baby books describe it as the preparations of parents-to-be in anticipation of the arrival of the newest addition to the family.

Sometimes, I find myself already exhausted at the end of the day and the worse thing is after everything that I have done, I still find so many things to prepare before the big day! It's not that easy anymore considering that I have additional 12-13 kilos with me everytime I move around and try to do some errands. Good thing I haven't found driving the car hard to do up to this point. It's still a necessity.

What have kept me super busy the past days?
Preparing the Mommy and Baby bags
Sterilizing the bottles that might be used
Sorting out the clothes and hand me-down clothes of Sam and Liam
Cleaning the baby equipment that Sam will be using -- there's just too many of them! -- changing table, cot, bassinet, stroller with capsule, etc
Errands at home to be done and to be attended to while I am in the hospital
My pending requirements with my two-year Certificate course
Listing down of to-do's
Sorting of important papers
Preparing and labeling the bed sheets, clothes, etc while I'm at the hospital.
Preparation of the Christmas gifts
The LBC box that we sent to Manila, shopping for its contents and labelling, packing it.
The errands I'm asking my Mom to do for me in Manila

Looking at the list now, it seems so short. It is short. But hey, these activities seemed not as simple as it used to. Maybe bacause aside from these, I still help out in the chores at home (even if Alvin and my in-laws are trying their best to help)..I still clean the house every now and then, I do the laundry, I keep the washed clothes, I iron the clothes. And the hardest of them all, caring for a 2 year old -- who happens to be my son!

Good thing I have the internet to give me my much-needed break or the books that I have as well. It gives me the break and the time-out that I need in order to keep me sane. I want to give birth already but sometimes I think, which will be easier, doing all these things or doing more things because the baby is out already! So I go slow on what I pray for hehe

Can wait to get over all of these!

Clueless

I sat in Liam's room this morning, slowly preparing the Mummy bag and baby bag, then my gaze suddenly fell on my big belly reflected on the mirror. Clueless. That is the word that I would like to use to describe the state that I am in. I really can't believe that in 8 (or 7, hopefully it is 7) week's time there will be another kid at home, that I'll be a mom of two, that I'll be already accountable for two children and that I'll be already responsible to two children!

The whole idea of being in-charge to two kids is still a very huge idea for me and I am allowing myself to grasp it slowly. Looking back at the last 2 years and 9 months, I can say that we got lucky with Liam because he didn't give us a hard time when he was born. He was never a fussy and demanding kid. We breezed through his first two years. It is actually now that we find ourselves challenged with him because he is in the terrible 2s and 3s stage. We can really see and experience that he is testing the waters already. Of course, it is challenging because at times that you just want to give in to his whims and wants (especially when he puts up a tantrum), you just can't. This is the best time to lay the rules for him. This is the best time to discipline him. So how about Samantha? As they say eack kid is unique? Will she be as easy to handle like his Kuya Liam? I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

So what is in store for me when Samantha comes out? Sleepless nights? Physical exhaustion? Finally letting go of my control issues? Finally letting go of my OC-ness? A toddler on one hand, a newborn on the other hand. So when and where does "me" time and being a spouse come in? A home to be managed -- cleanliness, chores, time and finances to be managed as well. I need to be a homemaker, a spouse, and a mother not only to Liam but to Samantha as well. I have to make sure that I get to spend time not only with Sam but with Liam too! It's sooo overwhelming! I remember what my hubby used to say when faced with uncertain circumstances -- Hope for the best, expect for the worst. SO now that I am still faced with the unknown and I am still clueless of what is in store for me in a couple more weeks, I just rest my worries looking up to the million of moms, my mom included, who managed to work, raise 5 kids (or more) and still managed to be a homemaker.