Kaya Ko Nga!

The day ended well yesterday, really well. I felt good because I was able to achieve something. I was able to overcome one fear, I have been trying to repress for some weels now.

Yesterday, Alvin and his parents went to Jenolan Caves and the Blue Mountains. They left at 7am and got home at around half past eight. The whole time, I was alone at home with my two kids. The day before, Alvin was a bit hesitant to leave me with the two kids, afraid if I can handle both. I told him, I might as well practice, because three weeks from now, this will be the case for five days a week, Mondays thru Fridays. Of course, at the back of my mind, I was also scared. This is it.

To make the long story short, I was able to make it with flying colors! Clean our place, do some laundy, fold the clean clothes, wash the dishes, cook rice and fry fish, give my kids a bath in the morning and at night before they went to bed, eat on time, take a bath in the morning and before I went to bed (don't laugh now, but I was ready for that, people have been telling me to be ready for that as well -- days where you are so preoccupied with the more important things that taking a bath takes a back seat!), and lastly, do some grocery with Liam and Sam! Yes, I was able to do all that! When Alvin got home, they were so surprised with what I was able to do!

I am not taking all the credit. I thank first the Lord for preparing me mentally, emotionally and physically for this. I thank the Lord for Liam. Actually this part was the area I was most afraid of, but I was really surprised how he acted the entire day! He was such a responsible boy! A good son and a good kuya at that! I will forever thank God for him! I therefore conclude that he only acts childishly when his grandparents are around. But it's just me at the house, he acts maturely. I thank God for him. I also thank the Lord for Sam, who cooperated as well. She is also slowly proving to be a good girl. She didn't have tantrums and she slept well in the afternoon. I thank the Lord for friends who continue to give me tips and encouragement. They have been an inspiration.

I feel good. I feel like I have renewed energy. I am now not afraid. I am ready to face what awaits me come January. Sabi nila kaya ko, kaya ko nga.

10th Year! :D

It's the eve of our tenth year anniversary, not as a married couple, but as a couple. We celebrate this more than our wedding anniversary because this day was really the start of us. December 28, 2000, I finally said yes to Alvin, three days after he told me he loves me (waaah, ang cheesy!). Yep, only after three days. I don't know what came into my mind, hahaha! Seriously now, I think I didn't have to prolong the waiting time because we have been friends before we started to feel something "different" towards one another.I think I wrote a previous blog about our story. But you can check it on our wedsite if you still want to know our history :D I said yes even before my parents met him formally! My Papa was really surprised when I announced that Alvin and I are now officially a couple! Yes, my good friend and I decided to start a new chapter of our respective journeys, together. Three days after I said yes, my Papa "grilled" Alvin at home. Interrogated? I don't know, but obviously, he passed with flying colors! Seeing me and Alvin now, I know that my parents are at peace knowing that they have entrusted me to good hands :D

They say love is all about taking risks. Well, I am glad and thankful I took the risk, with him.

Thank you honey for a decade of real friendship, joy, sacrifices, adventures, and love.

Happy 10th year Anniversary honey! We have definitely come a long way!

I Love You!

p.s.
thanks too for your wonderful presents :D mwah!




Why diamonds? Diamonds are now the modern gifts for ten years. Diamonds are forever. Read somewhere that if you have reached ten years, it's already till forever. White gold? Because he knows I prefer white gold than the yellow gold :D Circle? Never ending. Two circles intertwined? Togetherness.




A new charm for my Pandora bracelet. A bouquet of flowers (in sterling silver) with the word "love" (in gold) on it. A symbol for our tenth year! (Wais, hindi na kailangan magbigay ng flowers parati! hehe) Kidding aside, it's well appreciated honey.

Again, words will never be enough :D And sorry, this time I don't have anything to give you on this special day (you know that I am officially on maternity leave and currently unemployed :D)... except my LOVE...in all sense of the word (sorry, started cheesy, ending it cheesy as well!) :D

Here's to forever! Love you!

My Chocoholic Boy

Liam, like his Papa is turning out to be one chocoholic person. One time, we were watching TV and when a chocolate commercial suddenly was shown on the TV, we saw him at awe and later on saying: Chocolate!, dreamily! We laughed our hearts out!

The other day, his Papa went home with a box of Ferrero Chocolates! Yummy! When he saw it, he of course wanted to open it and eat it already! But since we are regulating his sugar intake (and he had enough for the day after all the juice and choco milk that he drank) we told him he can't have anymore chocolates. I held the chocolate box and told him it was mine! Santa gave it to me!

Liam: Mama, you have to share!
Mama: Okay, but I will not open it okay?
Liam: Mama, you will open it on Christmas Day (after hearing that Santa was the one who gave it to me)
Mama: Okay. (Kainis! gusto ko pa naman kumain na rin!)

Day one turned out ok.

Day 2:
Liam goes to the kitchen bar to check on the box of chocolates, if it is still there. The most that he can do is pretend that it is a toy car and play with it. Still we didn't open it. After dinnertime, and his Papa was now at home, he got the box of chocolate and asked his Papa if he can have already. We told him it's still not Christmas day, while pointing to our Christmas decor -- the Santa decor with the Christmas countdown on it. We told him there are 3 more days to go before Christmas. Liam then goes and gets his stool, adjusts the pointer on the countdown decor and puts it on one.

Liam: Papa, Mama, look it's Christmas already! I can already open my gifts! -- with matching grin on his face and excitement!(And of course the chocolates! hmmm, WAIS na bata!)

Syempre, natawa kami ni Alvin. Pero, sinabi namin na hindi pwede, kasi hindi pa nga Pasko! Naintindihan naman ni Liam, kasi nakikitawa siya. He thought he could trick us! hehehe

Being a parent is really not that easy! Kasi ako, gusto ko na rin kumain ng chocolates! But then again, kailangan pangatawanan na namin ito kasi pag bumigay kami, in the end, kami rin ang kawawa...anyways, 2 tulog na lang naman, Pasko na! Unahan na lang kami sa chocolates! :D

Christmas Presents!

I am HAPPY and THANKFUL, GOD has been VERY GENEROUS and Santa too! :D Out of the 4 Christmas Wishes, I have received three already.

Christmas wish one:
A new job or an extension on Alvin's contract as a Process Engineer at BAT.
Status: GRANTED

Christmas wish two:
A camcorder for our family so we can capture great, happy, joyful events in the lives of our kids and of the family.
Status: GRANTED


I can't believe that camcorders have evolved to this size already! Super small! :D Good thing, it's not a hassle to bring them anymore :D



Christmas wish four (I have to skip three, will elaborate later):
A piece of jewelry for me. It was a hard choice considering almost all jewelry shops here have something nice to offer. But I was happy with my final choice.
Status: GRANTED



Now I am ready to make my own set of "memories" with my Pandora bracelet. I chose L and S, of course, because they are the initials of my children; a pile of books because I am a teacher; and a cross with blue CZ stones and silver to represent the motiff of our wedding (blue and silver) and of course, our marriage. By and by as new events in my journey unfolds, I will be adding more and who knows, I might fill the entire bracelet in a year!

Now for Christmas wish three:
A new family car for our family. Since the family is getting bigger, we feel we need a bigger car. This gift might take some time, probably by early next year? Hopefully. We still can't afford to buy a brand new family car so we are toying with the idea of buying a small car, just like our first, just to meet the family's need. We need it so I can still do the usual stuff even if Alvin is at work with our first car.This second car is for emergency purposes as well since both kids are with me and you know how it is with kids and babies especially. You don't know when you'll have to go to the doctor. But I am not in a rush because I know, sooner or later it will be granted as well.

Of course, these are just the material things I prayed for this season. More than these things, I still wish for joy, good health and protection for our family allthroughout the year. And world peace and a cleaner and greener earth at that. These things I know are more important than the material things I wished for.

Thank you Lord for your goodness. It was a good year, amidst trials and problems, you still made Your presence felt not only thru the material things YOu have given us , but more of the protection, the gift of life, the gift of good health, and the people you have surrounded us with -- showering us with love and prayers. Happy birthday Jesus! Now it's Your turn to make your birthday wish. I just hope, like You, I would be able to grant it as well.

Adjusting.Adapting.

Has it only been three weeks? Yes. It has only been three weeks since Sam's arrival and yet our lives have never been the same since she came. We are adjusting and adapting. We are all learning.

Ang dami kong gustong isulat pero pagnaiisip ko yung gugugulin kong oras sa pagsusulat, medyo nanghihinyang ako. Una, tiyempo lang na natutulog ng mahimbing si Sam ngayon kaya ako ay nagkaroon ng libreng oras. Pangalawa, abala sa panonood ng TV at pakikipaglaro sa mga pinsan niya si Liam. But there are days when everything is chaotic! Liam has this tendency to do silly things because he is attracting attention. I think it has dawned on him that Sam is here and this little baby is getting the attention that before was given to him, a 100% anytime, all the time. There are days when he is being sensible but there are days when I know that he is just being a kid-- showing signs of his adjustment to all this new situation, as well. My heart goes out for him when I tend to reprimand him already and ask him to play or go down so as not to disturb his sister. The thing that makes me guiltier is the fact that he does go down and plays by himself! I still have to establish our time -- Liam time together -- I want to make this a sacred time for the two of us, everyday. I think I can do that now, but I think I still have to wait until my in-laws go home to Manila. Why? Because if I establish it now and break when his Lolo and Lola goes home, he might be upset and might have a negative effect on him.

Ang hirap pala! Si Sam minsan halos buong araw matulog pero may mga araw na ayaw niya magpalapag! Mas nakakaloka kung sabay silang nanghihingi ng atensyon ng kuya niya! Kahapon, nagkaroon kami ng praktis ni Alvin, kaming 2 lang at ang mga bata habang namasyal sa city ang mga Lolo at Lola. Isa lang ang masasabi ko. NAKAKAPAGOD! From the preparation time, to the time we got home, there was no dull moment! The only time I got to sit down was during toilet break or when Sam is latched with me. But I still don't get to rest when I am breastfeeding, maybe because there is a million and one things that goes in my mind. Yep, I've lowered down the bar already. I think I have improved when in comes to lowering my OC-ness level :D Toys or magazines scattered? Clean clothes that needs folding? Hayaan sila diyan na nakakalat!

I am learning. I am seing an inner strength and physical strength I never knew I had. I am capable of delaying meal time so I can attend first to the needs of my kids. I have learned to appreciate the help given by my in-laws now that they are here (thankfully, they have extended their stay for two more weeks!). Of course there are days when I just want to give up! I need some pampering, that is for sure! Things will get more challenging, physically and emtionally, but I know things will get better as well. I am proud of what I have become and I am taking all these challnges positively, because at the end of it all, I know that I will also become a better person.

Isa.

Maganda pala ang numero ang isa. Kung nag-aral ka sa UP, magaling ka kung umuulan ng "1" ang classcards mo. Maganda kung ikaw ang nag-iisa sa buhay ng asawa mo. Masarap kung ikaw ang una sa buhay niya. Nakaktuwa kung may isang anak kang lalaki at may isa ring anak na babae. Isang pares.

Isa. Una. Uno.

Sa bahay namin, isa rin lang ang TV at ang laptop. Hindi dahil sa hindi kayang bumuli ng pangalawa ngunit napagisipang mas mabuti para sa pamilya na manatili na lamang silang isa. Bakit? Kung dalawa o higit pa ang TV o laptop sa bahay, tiyak yun na hindi na kami mag-uusap o magkikita-kita. Dahil sa isa lamang ang mayroon kami, natututo kaming magbigayan.

Isa. Una. Uno.

Masaya ako sa numerong ito.

Crunch Time!

It was Monday this week when I started feeling this way -- it is chaotic at the home front. Reality bites. Reality has started to sink in and in a not so good way. Samantha had a 1st week check up with the GP today and after that Alvin and Liam has a dental appointment as well.While preparing the things at home, I felt I wasn't in control of the situation.

Prior to leaving the house, everything was just not like the way it used to! Everything now is times two! From the preps of the clothes to giving a bath, to taking care of the kids. It is now challenging for me to attend to the needs of both my kids. Much as I want to give in to Liam's requests every now and then I am a bit tied up with Sam (who I think still needs more attention now). It is a good thing that Alvin is at home to help out, and his parents as well. But is was chaotic (in my standards that is)! Gumugulo na ang bahay, kumukulit na si Liam, at nakikisawsaw pa ang mga requirements ko with the Certificate Course I am taking. Waaah! I have to stop at the middle of an errand because Liam wants me or Sam needs me. They need me everywhere! My multi-tasking skills are challenged! Ang haba na ng listahan ng gagawin bago pa kami umalis ng bahay! Liam's things, Liam should be put on his car seat, Sam's baby bag, then Sam's capsule! Ha! Alvin had to go back and forth inside the house for almost 3 times!

Minsan pag sumusobra na si Liam, I can't help but lose my temper. This is of course after trying all possible things already with him. Kung nakakapayat lang ang magsabi ng mga pang-uto sa bata, ang sexy sexy ko na! After spanking him or putting him in time out, of course I feel very guilty. Guilty because in general, Liam's adjustment and actions on the arrival of his baby sister is much, much better than what we have expected. More often than not, he is being makulit because he wants to take care of his baby sister. He showers her with kisses and wants to cuddle her all the time. One time, before dinner, he gladly volunteered to get Sam from me so I can have my dinner. We were thrilled when he said "Akin na, akin na" (referring to Sam). At bedtime, we tried sleeping altogether on just one bed, but all of us were miserable so we ended up putting Liam's bed in our room so he and Alvin can sleep there and Sam and myself can sleep at the bigger bed. But at night Liam wants to sleep on the bigger bed. Initially I thought it was because of me, but no, he wants to sleep on the bed where Sam is sleeping. He really loves her baby sister. It shows in his actions and how much he tells her so every single day.

But it is hard. There are days when I know he's deliberately doing something silly to attract attention, such as during meal times. It is hard on my part as a parent because he is now on that stage that we need to establish his habits. Example, he tends to go down the table and play around when we eat dinner (except when he really loves the food we have) so I have to address that or else, he might grow up having that bad habit. But most of the time, he is the one who already tells me that he needs me and that I need to spend time with him, without crying. But of course there are days that he does cry and my heart goes out for him. One time, when Alvin got Sam, he told me, "Mama, I want you. Liam time." Wow, my little boy reminding me that I also needed to spend time with him, just him.

At night, when both me and Alvin are up because Sam is up as well (that is from 1130 pm to around 3am) I tell him to pray for me. Why? Because I feel every now and then that my "nerbiyos" is coming back. The pessimist in me is trying to rule over my emotions. All sorts of things go inside my head and the degree of my worry is not healthy. Let's just say that from a scale of 1-10 my "nerbiyos" rate is now at 8. I worry if I can manage the two kids and the chores at home when Alvin gets back to work (he'll be out from 7 to 730pm on weekdays), I worry if I can handle when my in-laws go back to Manila already. I worry how I can let address Liam's needs as well now that Sam is here. Last night, Sam cannot sleep with her Papa and she was so restless so Alvin gave Sam to me. But at that time Liam was also trying to sleep and asked me to massage his foot or hold his hand. When I stopped massaging his foot to get Sam from his Papa, he cried. He cried big time! Even if Alvin got him to carry him and comfort him, he still wanted me. I felt so powerless. I worry endlessly and unlike before, this time, I worry and I feel scared.

Thinking about it, I have a choice, career-rin ko ang pagiging nanay at asawa or pabayaan ko na lang sila (meaning I will not address those silly things Liam does every now and then --playing while eating, eating fancy foods before a main meal, shouting when he want to play with someone, etc.) but I would like my children to grow up well. I want them to grow up having the correct habits and values that is why I am putting pressure on myself. I don't want them to grow up tamad (no initiative), makalat, burara. That is why I am teaching them now the value of doing chores at home, of cleaning and packing up. Of course, I still have to be their "first teacher" at home, teaching him academic skills, but at the same time, making them well-rounded individuals. I love them and I care that is why I would like to be in control of things for now.

Crunch time! This is reality! This is real parenting! I wonder how my parents managed before with all five of us. Right now I feel I need a good massage! And I think Alvin does as well. We have been sleep deprived since Sam's arrival, not to mention the fact that I have been recovering as well from my major operation. Lack of sleep and exhaustion has caught up with me because I have had migraine for two days now. I have a terrible backache and the discomforts of breastfeeding is there, ever present. My only consolation is when I tried my "normal" blouses and shirts, I can almost fit in them! Thanks to breastfeeding! I'm giving myself two more weeks and I'm sure I'll get my old size/figure back hahaha.

Two weeks (make that nine days!) is still a such short period of time, I know. That is why whenever I feel that I'm having a panic attack, I just remember to give myself and everyone else at home enough time, time to adjust. Maybe in a few months' time all will fall into place and things will go back to normal. We don't have a manual to follow so everything is taken as it is. Crunch time! Kaya ko pa naman, pero baka isang araw kunin ko na ang bato kay Ding, sabay sigaw ng "Darna"!