Crossroads

Crossroads. Again. I just wrote a blog entry a couple of days ago about me spending more time on things that really matter. Well, a few days after that I found myself again needing to decide which path to take. I recently got my accreditation from an organization that will allow me to continue practicing teaching here in Australia. It's an answered prayer. But I just felt that things are a bit complicated becuase I have started enjoying being a full time mom and wife. I've discovered the joys of having witnessed all the milestones my son has achieved over the couple of months that I was out of work. I was always there. I'm sure God right now is getting confused of what I really want. I feel that when I start working again, the guilt of not being able to personally take care of my son will be back. I am at present on the process of discerning again. I'd wait. Maybe it's the best way for me and for my family to see what God has really prepared for us. Crossroads. Again. No more worries this time. Life would not be as grand and as colourful without them.

On Time, All the Time?

Closest friends and family knows that I have a tendency to be an OC (Obsessive-Compulsive).I like keeping things in order. I like things neat. I like planning and doing things ahead of time. I like listing down the things I need todo for the day and finishing all of it as well. I was like that until I had Liam. Liam is my precious little boy. Oh how he changed my life (I'm pretty sure my husband as well)! Being a full time (in the fullest sense of the word -- no help or yayas) wife and mom now suddenly made my hands full. Never a dull moment at home. Taking care of my little boy takes a lot of time already. So imagine what I feel when I see a lot of chores still waiting to be done. I go crazy. Correct. I finally admitted to myself that I cannot be an OC as I used to be or as I want me to be. This is if I want to stay sane. It drives me crazy seeing things not in order, doing things a bit late, delaying some of the things I enjoy doing the most. It was hard at the start. I thought I'd not survive but after more than a year, I've managed to survive. I still have the OC in me but I've managed to tone it down a bit. I've let go of some of the things in order to give priority to more important things. So will it still be on time all the time for me? Not anymore. Maybe sometimes. Life is too short to spend it on things that really don't matter in the end.

iPop

No, this is not about the touch screen gadget everyone is going crazy about. This is about one special person, my Pop. Today, almost all countries celebrate Father’s Day (I say almost all because here in Australia, they celebrate it on the 3rd of September) and this is the first Father’s Day that my Papa is so many miles away from me. I thought of giving him a unique gift this day, thus, this blog entry. I am a self proclaimed Papa’s girl, though he never admitted it, I felt that I was his favourite (hehe). My Papa is more of a friend than a dad. I feel that our relationship is not the serious or formal relationship like what others have with their fathers. But he knew when to draw the line. I always treated him as a buddy but when he felt I was going overboard, he’d knew how to handle me. A lot of me was probably influenced by my dad. A lot of my traits were probably influenced by my Papa. We share the same love for books and for writing. We even have the same temper. And when we are really mad, both of us would rather be quiet. I also believe that my ability to speak well in front of a crowd was also influenced by him. He is a good speaker, both in English and Filipino. Together with my Mama, they instilled in us, their children, the value of education. Having line of 7’s in our report card was a big no-no for them, especially for Papa. They inspired us to achieve, to do well especially in our studies. The only time we’d get branded clothes or shoes was when we made it to the honors list. He also taught us early on in our lives to live within your means. There were a lot of occasions that he showed us what he meant by living within your means. Like when I was turning 18 and I wanted to have a debut party, I got mad at him and didn’t speak to him for almost a month, but he still didn’t give in. For him, it’s not right to borrow money just as so you can have a grand debut party. When we were kids he didn’t allow us to join “beauty contests” or even the Santa Cruzan for the simple reason that we didn’t have money to buy the clothes required for those occasions. By some twist of fate, whenever I got sick, like when I needed an operation for appendicitis or when I almost had a convulsion when I was 10, my Papa was just at home, and he’d be the one to bring me to the hospital. In 5th grade, when I represented my class in the Miss United Nations, no one was available to watch and give support. To make things worse, the school bus forgot to fetch me on the day of the contest! I managed to get to school in time, with no one around to watch me or assist me. To my surprise, my Papa was in school to watch me. Even if I didn’t win in the contest I felt happy because someone was there to give me moral support, and it was my Papa. I never saw him or heard him complain about the struggles we had to face, especially in terms of our finances.  Oh he’s far from being perfect, he has like everyone else, imperfections, he is human after all. I know that he still faces some struggles but I know that with God’s grace, he’d be able to overcome them. There are still a lot of occasions where my Papa showed us what being a father is all about, but it would take me ages before I can finish writing them. But all of them will never be forgotten. And so this day, is your special day Pop, I honor you for everything that you’ve done to the family. I know it was not and it is not an easy job being a father to 5 kids with different attitudes and personalities. But you’ve managed it. I just now pray that God gives you more years to live so you and Mama can continue to reap the fruits of your hard-earned labor. All I can wish now is for the entire family to be there to celebrate this special day with you. But as you know, it's not possible as of the moment. As I end this piece, let me borrow what my youngest brother used in his last article with The Guidon, “this one’s for you Papa!”

The Chosen Few

I miss teaching. To start with,  never did I imagine myself teaching even if I came from a family of teachers. Oh yes, I passed through that stage of play pretend, even using the doors of the house, to the dismay of my mom,  to be my blackboard. I had a friend who finished Molecular Biology and Biotechnology from UST, I thought she'd pursue Medicine. But I was surprised when I found out that she accepted a job in one of the good schools in Manila. Why teach? But I really admired her for that big decision. I didn't realize that a few years after that I would be on the same boat. I started with a medical course in college only to find myself shifting to another course which was closer to my heart. I thought teaching was only about talking to your students about the lessons for the day, making and checking quizzes, doing projects, etc. But I was proven wrong when I started teaching. I thought teaching was just another profession, but I soon realized that teaching is not for everyone. I was lucky enough to experience teaching in a school where they make you realize that teaching is not an ordinary profession. In fact, it's not a profession at all! It is a vocation. There is more to teaching. More is expected of you "when you are called to be one." It is not simply telling a story, writing tests, checking homeworks, or singing songs. It's controlling your temper when the whole class goes crazy, giving hope to a student who feels like a loser, it's giving time to sit and listen to the stories and heartaches of your students. It's like being a mom or a dad, an older brother or sister, even a playmate. Day in and day out you share yourself to your students. Each day poses new challenges and new adventures for both you and your students. It's not a one way street though.  In teaching, you get to discover more and more about yourself. I am at present "on leave" and this made me appreciate this vocation more. In this sharing, I would like to salute all the people who made an effort to respond to this vocation. It is not easy to stay in this profession knowing that it is not financially rewarding. But there is more to money. The respect, the admiration, the love of your students, and the success of your students are just some of the many priceless rewards you get from teaching. I am now not surprised why people like my friend accept and embrace what teaching has to offer. After all, she is one of the chosen few.

Shattered Windows

I am presently reading Brida by Paolo Coelho and I chanced upon this: "sometimes, God needs to shatter windows so blessings can come in." Obviously,  it caught my attention. There have been a lot of instances when I felt that God shattered windows in my life only to find out that it was his way of giving me more. Looking back at my life I've seen a lot of bumps and wrong turns. A failing grade, a dispute with a friend, a misunderstanding with your parents or siblings, a broken heart, a wrong career move, the list would go on and on. But true enough, those bumps and wrong turns made me stronger, braver. It made my journey more colourful. It added spice to this thing they call life. I am pretty sure you have had your share of experiences wherein you felt God was shattering your window(s). Now that I'm in a new environment and trying to accept the harsh reality that I am out of my comfort zone, it crosses my mind that my windows are now being shattered. But it is now good to know and comforting at that, that it's God's way of giving more of His blessings.

My Love Affair with Writing

My love affair with writing is not love at first sight. It's an on and off relationship. I never knew I could write until I reached 5th grade.  Since I was trying to follow the footsteps of my brother, who was then the Editor-in-Chief of their schoolpaper, I tried my luck by submitting my own poem. I made it as one of the Literary staffers. I was happy. It was a start.

From then on I find myself grabbing a pen and paper writing anything and everything under the sun, may it be a poem, a feature or even a news account. But after graduating from Primary School, I realized that there was no spark anymore. And so I bid goodbye to writing. Only to find it bugging me again when I was in Senior year. I did write articles, ost of which were news artciles about the latest happenings in the school. But no, I still didn't pursue a career in writing, even if I was our school paper's Associate Editor during my senior year. Winning in writing competitions didn't help as well.I felt that my love for writing is something temporary. After graduating from high school, I bid writing goodbye again.

After my stint in our school paper ended, so was my affair with writing. It didn't bug me until blogging began. Reading all the blog entries of friends made me realize that my affair with writing is far from over. I had a rough start. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. There were a lot of attempts, but I just couldn't pull it off.

A few weeks ago I did finally make it. I realized that I can't go back to writing because I tried too hard. I thought too hard. I realized that everything that I wanted to share will come out on its own if I make things simple. If I write from the heart. Now, that I am back, I just can't seem to stop. I have a lot of ideas and topics in mind. Maybe it's the same feeling when you get back with someone you really love.

My love affair with writing is far from over. It's just beginning.