No BIG Secret

How do you react when people praise you for the kind of parenting you do for your kids?

Humbled. Speechless. Thankful. Inspired.

I am no perfect mum. I only have 7 years of experience under my belt and I only have 2 kids to raise so I'm actually shocked to get compliments. I don't consider myself an expert in this area that is why I am grateful to receive compliments from people when they verbalize their admiration on the way I am raising my kids. Some people say I inspire them while others even say that when the time comes they'll have kids, they will actually ask pointers from me. Whoah!

So I'm taking this time to sit and reflect on what made me "successful" for the last seven years. I'll share some of the things that came to my mind.

1. I'm a LEARNER. I think one of the things I was blessed with are "older" friends who have also unselfishly given advice and tips on how they were raising their children. Friends who do not fear sharing the mistakes they made in their journey so young parents like me can learn. I look for inspiring fellow parents who have done and are doing a great job in parenting. My stand that I am always in the Learning Side has done wonders for me. The openness to learn from other people, and from my own mistakes have definitely guided me. My stand that I can always learn from other people and that I am not an expert have helped tremendously! This is why I am also very inspired to share my learnings. Let's just say it's my way of paying it forward. 

2. I READ. Parenting as they say does not come with a handbook so when expert advice are available to make this gigantic task easy and bearable, why not try them? I am not only talking about the new studies to make our kids smarter, more successful, how to support them, how to be like this and like that. I am also talking about their holistic development, their faith included. But having said that, I don't take in everything. I screen and see what will be best for our family. 

3. I WORK WITH A GREAT PARTNER. I am not taking all the credit here. Our kids will not be what they are now if my husband was not with me all throughout.  I take my hats off to Alvin because he has definitely tried his best to be as involved in raising our kids. May it be playing with the kids even when he's dead tired, making it on-time for dinner, teaching the kids, etc. Our "team" usually works where I do the readings I share it with Alvin and we discuss how we can adapt the "style" to our family. We stand as one when dealing with the kids. We don't put one in the "bad spot" so the kids will not end up favoring one parent over the other. 

4. I DON'T EXPECT. I've read some articles or letters of other mums voicing their frustration over their kids who are not "performing" or "achieving." It made me think. Why am I not frustrated with my kids? Don't get me wrong. My kids ARE NOT PERFECT. We don't see them as one. The secret is we don't expect them to be one.  Our kids fight, they whine, they whinge, they complain,  they disobey us sometimes, they get angry, they fight us, they sometimes answer us back. They sometimes drive us to our wits end but why is it that we don't get frustrated with all of these? Alvin and I tried to answer this and the only thing we could think of is we accept them, wholly. Their strengths AND EVEN THEIR WEAKNESSES. We don't have pre-conceived expectations which in turn don't give us any disappointments if ever they do not reach "the bar." We celebrate their achievements, yes, because for us, it's a bonus. We celebrate their uniqueness. We celebrate them. We look and be joyful at what's on our plate and not focus on the others' plates. 

 5. I PRAY. I guess this is no big secret and I think most parents do this. But, yes, that's it, I (we pray) and this takes up the biggest chunk of all the things we've been doing. Everything is anchored in Him! We pray not only for our kids, their concerns, their relationships, their future, their hearts. But we also pray for ourselves, we pray for our imperfections and weaknesses as parents. We pray for strength and guidance. We pray as we raise our children be who God wants them to be. We pray for our relationships with them and them as siblings to one another. If we are just to follow every parenting tip we have read, we'll already probably go nuts! Some contradict the others. So what to do? Pray. Pray for guidance, pray for strength, pray for wisdom. Parenting is no easy task. It's a full-time job in itself. It's physically, mentally, emotionally and financially draining so if we are to rely on our own "wisdom" and strength, we might have thrown out the towel ages ago. But our Lord continues to sustain us.

That's it! What I have written above is totally not something new. I'm pretty sure you've read more or you know more but at this point, I'm just happy to share it :-) I'm also sure marami pa akong kakaining bigas! 

Thank you for reading it :-)

Tidbits on Parenting :-)

Yogies has a new way of informing us parents of the activities our kid/s did while under their care. They now e-mail it to us aside from the usual report posted on their board at school. Because of this, I get to read it ahead of time, even before I pick up Sam. I usually use their school activities as one of our points of conversation at night.

Yesterday, while giving her a bath, I told her that I saw that they learnt about the number 7 in school and that they chose a colour to paint their own number 7. This was how our conversation went:

Mama: I saw you had number seven today. Did you paint it?

Sam: Yes.

Mama: What colour did you choose?

Sam: Orange.

Mama: So, orange was your number?

Sam: (no break or pause) Orange is not a number!

Mama: (surprised but happy) Why, what is orange?

Sam: It's a colour! Funny Mama!

The other day, after she went to the toilet, I assisted her in putting on her panties:

Mama: O, come here na, put your leg here.

Sam: Yes, your majesty! (bowing to me before putting her leg on one of the holes)

I was just surprised because I think it was the first time I heard her use "majesty" on her own and in a correct context that it.

Truly, as soon as the kids hit 2, there's no stopping them from learning and using a lot of words! 

Last Monday, I attended a Staff Development Day in one of the schools I work for and we discussed about the different special learning needs/difficulties of students/kids. It was another opportunity for me to revisit my previous learnings being a Special Education major and to also update myself of the recent developments in the field. I am just thankful because admittedly, all these information I get are put to use not only inside my classroom but at home as well. I've been getting a lot of helpful tips and approaches waaaay back, and it did seem to work! :-) I shared the highlights of my day to hubby as he was eating dinner (isn't it awesome I get to share this kind of things with hubby?!) and I can't help but tell him that as I was listening to the speaker that day, I can't help but  be thankful that my kids are doing okay, especially after discussing the cases we had earlier that day. Fine, if before, I wanted my kids to be identified as "gifted" (yeah, right!) I am now VERY THANKFUL of what they have. Yes, they might not be super duper bright, but they're okay-- no special cases mentally even emotionally. They are coping, they are learning and they are enjoying. No red flags whatsoever. For that alone, I am very thankful.

Speaking of tips, I just wanted to share about one tip I heard (or was it read?) before...it's about kids being "stuck." Kids usually cry when they don't get what they want or we start losing it when we want them to do something and they don't follow us straight away. It now becomes a battle. The reason why they don't want to follow is not really because they want to test our patience or just wants to be stubborn. They are actually "stuck" on what they are doing and are not yet ready to move on to the next activity. We usually expect too much from our kids.If as adults, we can quickly change our focus and move on to the next activity, kids, especially toddlers are quite different. Sam is quite different from her Kuya in the sense that if she's doing something you cannot just interrupt her. Before, I used to get mad at her. Yes, big drama! But after reading this very helpful article, I tried it on her, and what do you know? It worked! It worked wonders. Example, we already need to leave the house and she is still busy playing in her room, I will tell her we need to go, she doesn't move or listen to me. Then I will tell her I'll give her 5 minutes and yes after that five minutes, she stands up by herself and is all set to go. The same thing happened when we're in the shops and she's playing with those kiddie rides. There was one occasion when I had to use the timer of my mobile because she really loved the Sesame St. ride. But still, no dramas. So when I see hubby being the one in-charge of Sammie and is slowly starting to lose it, I take over and give my Sam a time to get "unstucked." 

***

Liam brought home a note yesterday from his school about their forthcoming excursion. He is one very excited boy. Can't help but tell him the story when I was in elementary that there were times (a lot actually) when I was't able to join the excursion because we didn't have money to pay for it. I'd stay at home when almost all my classmates went on a field trip. As if it's not enough. everyone is expected to talk about it the following day, well, leaving me clueless. I remember in fifth grade, they went to Science Centrum. The following day, the teacher gave a quiz about the trip, without even considering people like me who were not able to join the trip :( I got of course a very low score on that quiz. Bagsak. And it wasn't good because I was running for honours. Anyway, I told Liam, Papa and I still need to discuss it because we need to see if we have money to pay for his excursion. Oh that look on his face! He's afraid of missing out the chance to ride on the bus and learning and being "independent" if ever we decide not to let him join. Of course, I was just testing him hehehe. But I just wanted to let him realize how lucky he is because we can now afford to let him join excursions like this.  

***

During our recent trip to Canberra/Snowy we chanced upon Australian National University and shared to Liam that it's one of the best universities in Australia and that we hope he and his sister gets to be accepted there when they go to Uni. We told them that Papa and Mama went into one of the best Uni schools in the Philippines -- one of the reasons why we have good jobs and we have a good life now. Liam was listening and trying to digest everything when Alvin suddenly told me:

Alvin: But Mama, when they go there, it means that they have to stay there while studying. They'll leave our home.

Me: Papa, isn't that our responsibility? We have to be ready for that day. We should ensure that our kids will have a good future, right? So if it means we have to let go of them, then by all means. We cannot just stop them from working for a good (or better) life in the future, right?

Alvin just kept quiet because we both know, I have a point. That time will come when both our kids will be ready to spread their wings and we cannot do anything about it, but just support them. Tough love...tough love indeed.

***

"They're growing up too fast, don't blink."

A Sign of Things to Come?

Sam got sick two weeks ago.

She became very cranky and became very clingy. She had a very bad case of mood swings.

Stretched my patience because she was sick.

It's been almost two weeks now since I noticed the change. Her Papa also noticed it.

I don't know if it's still part of teething, but she is unbearable when she has tantrums!

As in, she says "no", she cries A LOT for TOO LONG not only at home but outside as well, she is clingy, she is cranky, she is supladita, she is naglulupasay sa sahig when she doesn't get what she wants, she changes her mind too quickly.

I'm going nuts! Alvin and I are so close to losing it! hehehe We tried everything!

Well, I guess she is now in that stage where she is testing boundaries. She is testing us and she is testing the power of "iyal at karga." So we are back at that stage where we have to be firm and consistent!

I'm just not used to these things because Liam didn't give us a hard time, really. Not to compare or anything.

Well, I guess it's true, no two kids are ever alike. And we can't have it all. I thought we were that lucky! hehehe

She is nearing her 2nd birthday, the terrible 2's and 3's stage ...if this is a sign of things to come,uh- oh.... I better prepare myself! Lord, bless me!

@-@

Happy 18th!

Times flies! There is really no stopping you (and your Kuya) from growing up!

18 months!

You have achieved a lot of developmental milestones and Papa and Mama are soooo proud of you!

Your latest trick? Super powers!!!! Shiiiing! (with your hands raised pretending like a super hero! That never fails to brighten up our day!!!!

You know how to tell if you have been pushed by Kuya Liam (uh-oh) hehehe

You know and say already a lot of words: spider, flower, fruit, nana (banana), amins (vitamins), tick-tock, no, push.... they are just too many anak, Mama can't remember them all in one sitting.

And just a few days ago, you officially said goodbye to your high chair as you joined me, Papa and Kuya Liam on the big table! You can now sit still and eat by yourself, with very minimal assistance. Bravo!!! Makalat nga lang hahaha But it's okay. Papa and Mama are starting to enjoy our eating time again because we don't have to feed you. You seem to be one independent kid too, just like your Kuya Liam!

Anak, bawasan mo lang ng konti, konti lang, yung tapang at taray mo! Mama might be in trouble! hehehe

Papa and Mama were talking last night and realized that you are no baby anymore! Nakikipaghabulan ka na sa amin, nakikipaglaro sa mga pinsan mo, mahilig makipag-taguan, magtaray, tumili, umaray, tumawa ng malakas, magpatawa! Bata ka na! :C or :D? Both.

We realized that we're done with the hardest past of rasing babies! Hooray!

Thanks for not giving us a hard time anak.

Thank you for adding laughter into our home!

We love you Sammie!

You will always be our bunso.

Another Perspective

My cousin's daughter was baptized last Sunday.

I liked what the priest shared during the Homily.

"Your babies play with your stuff because they want to become like Mommy or Daddy. They play with Mom's bag or shoes even if they have their own shoes, because they like to become like Mama. The same thing with little boys. They play with Daddy's belt, shoes or act like Daddy because he wants to become like Daddy. So you should be role models for your children."

I really never looked it that way when I see Sam or Liam playing with our stuff. I always thought it was just "cute" when they play with those things, not thinking that they are actually playing with it because they want to be US.

What a challenge! Now I am challenged!