Am I bad to feel this way?
Yesterday was supposedly my Thursday night but I ended up hitting the bed by quarter to 9. Why? It was a toxic day! Well, it has been for two days in a row.
Been busy with house chores and taking care of the kids. I do have breaks every now and then when they have their naps, but it's still a working break. It's just that I am already exhausted doing all of these things day in and day out. Yes, I do get to go to the shops but hey, I still have my two kids in tow. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I just want to go out do something without anyone in tow, you know, me time, in the strictest sense of the word!
Selfish na kung selfish but I just become grumpy at the idea that hubby gets to have "free time" when he is at work. I know working and driving to and from his office is also stressful and tiring, but hey, nakakapagod din kaya sa bahay?! Most of the time he is patient with me but there are times when our hot heads collide! There was this instance when he actually told me, "Palit na lang tayo" I was so close to saying yes, but I just kept quiet not to make the situation worse. Hmmph! Kala niya madali sa bahay. Game ako na magpalit kami. I mean, when we do exchange roles, he has to do EVERYTHING that I have been doing. Taking care of the kids, doing almost all the chores at home, and the extras, like breastfeeding (LOL?!) Kainis, sometimes, when he gets home and he has to eat dinner, he wants me to carry Sam while he's eating. Parang ako, hello, sosyal ka, ako nga magaling na kumain ng may buhat buhat na bata! Parang sa akin lang, kung kaya ko mag multi tasking ng ganoon, e di gawin mo rin yun. Hay! Ang selfish ko no? Isip bata.
It's not like this everyday. I love where I am now but probably there are just those days that I want freedom and relaxtion to the nth degree. Actually, hubby has been telling me not to do all the chores at home and let him do those chores that are "designed" for the males (like mowing). But I already told him that I am doing these, all of these, because I would want him to spend more time playing with the kids when he gets home. You see, since his office is an hour and a half drive from our place, he has to leave early. By the time he gets home, the kids are a bit sleepy already, especially Andrea. Good thing Liam can still delay his sleepiness. But for Sam, he gets to see and play with her for 5-20 minutes in the morning...in the evening, he's lucky if Sam gets to play with him without crying for an hour. Sometimes I have to put Sam to sleep first before he can carry her. Oh life. The biggest blessing is that he doesn't have to work on weekends and he gets to be hands-on with Sam and Liam as well on those days. I can see his effort to make it up to the kids and to me as well. Syempre, huli ako sa listahan, which is fine with me.
Yesterday was a toxic day because I had all four kids with me until 8pm. Sa isip ko, ang daya! Gusto mo magreklamo, pero tatahimik ka na lang. Ang hirap kaya mag-alaga ng bata! Oh well. Life. They say, minsan lang sila bata kaya konting tiis. Yup, konting tiis. Iniisip ko na lang, maswerte ako dahil wala akong nagiging problema sa mga anak ko. Maswerte rin ako dahil kahit hirap na sa pagba-balancing act ang asawa ko para sa kanyang 3 babies (ako yung pangatlo), ginagawa pa rin niya. Lilipas din to. Bilog lang siguro ang buwan :)
P.S.
Buti na lang may blog ;)
