Raising Up Kids. Hard. Big time.
Here are some of the recent issues we have dealt as a couple on some values we wanted to teach our kids.
"Dun ka sa laundry room kumain so your sister will not see you." As I told this to Liam a realization came to me and I discussed it with my hubby. I told hubby: "Mali ata yung sinasabi natin. Kasi pano kapag lumaki na siya. Baka maisip niya na para di siya guluhin or kulitin, magtatago na lang siya. Itatago niya na lang sa atin." And hubby got my point. It makes sense, right? We want them to grow up not hiding anything from us, and yet this simple act teaches him the opposite. So now, even if Sam asks for the same food and she might get upset if we don't give it to her, OK Lang. We will deal with Sam the way we should and not ask Liam anymore to hide. In the process, I think we get to teach both kids some values.
Another instance was when after seeing a couple of teenagers (15-18 years old, all male) doing the maintenance of the gardens and lawn in our compound I was so tempted to tell Liam: "Liam, you better study well or else you might end up like them." --> referring to the boys mowing. But I bit my tongue. I felt it wasn't a good thing to say.
First, I might be teaching him the wrong value of looking down on people who works as tradies and the like. We were in the car and I again shared this realization with hubby. Hubby thought that it was a good thing I didn't tell that to Liam. See here in Sydney, your educational attainment does not equate with your salary, unlike in Manila. Dito, lahat pantay pantay ang tingin at trato, nirerespeto ka anuman any trabaho mo. Hindi nila-lang ang tarbaho mo, which me and hubby would like our kids to imbibe. Sadly, unlike in Manila, if you are a basurero o mekaniko o driver o yung mga ganun na trabaho, or you don't work in an office, mababa ang tingin sa iyo. Dito Hindi. Kaya kung sinabi ko iyo sa anak ko, pinapasa ko yung mali na gawain sa Pinas. My hubby also mentioned that the kids I saw might just be doing part-time jobs. He has a point. I'm happy I stopped myself just in time.
What Other People Think.
I think it is but normal to consider or use the idea of what other people might think or might say when we act. But making it the sole reason for doing good and making the right choices, is not good. I was tempted again to tell Liam to act well because "what will mama and papa's friends say?" But I didn't. I felt it was a wrong reason. The reason we should always tell them why we expect them to behave is because it is the right thing to do, and not because we are afraid of what other people might say.
We were tempted to tell Liam that when for some weird reason he was always acting out, OA na nga kung minsan, when we were in Manila, meeting up with friends. Pa-baby most of the time. Hubby and I saw that it was not our Liam. He was not himself. Maybe he sensed that there were a lot of people ready to spoil him and his sister. Oh well, he is back to his usual jolly, independent and responsible self again. I am glad. But I am more glad that I didn't give him that reason for him to behave. I am still praying that he continues to make the right choices because it is the right thing to do.
All about Schools.
Since it will only be year before my little boy goes to the big school, I have been studying/reading/getting myself oriented with the educational system here. Of course, with the Catholic schools, I am very much aware of the practices and the newest innovations, since I teach there. For the state schools, I get to hear stories thru my niece, nephew and my SIL.I recently discovered the selective schools for years 7 to 10. The selective schools are like the Science high schools back in the Phils. I have also read about the OC, or Opportunity classes for Years 4-6. It is like the Magis or gifted classes in Ateneo Grade School, also for English and Maths. But not all state schools have OC available. There is actually one very near our place, Quakers Hill Public School.
Now this got me thinking. We are already settled that Liam will be joining his cousins at the Barnier School, which is only a 5 minute drive from our place. We think his adjustment will be much easier when his cousins are with him. And I will be more at peace knowing he has a Kuya and an Ate in school. And also, the set up will also be very convenient for me and my brother, as all our children go to one school if there is an errand to be done, either one of us can do it.
Anyways, that was until I learned that it is not offering OC to its students. As a parent you only want the best for your kids, education wise, I would also want the same. I want them to have an edge. Well, I have the option to let Liam start at Barnier and then transfer him to Quakers Hill PS if he passes the qualifying test for the OC. BUT, having spent 4 years already, I'm pretty sure that by that time he has already established his friends...so uprooting him from Barnier just as so he can go to Quakers Hill is unfair for him. I have to consider his emotions as well, right? It might also give him adjustment problems. So the question for me now is, what school will he go to? Might as well start him in Quakers Hill so there won't be any problems later on, right? But, what about the logistics? And it did enter my mind, does the school really matter?
I also went to a state school in Manila and all of my brothers and sisters. My hubby went to an exclusive boys school. Some of our friends also went to 'ordinary' schools. Oh yes, there is this prestige when people learn that you came from Science high schools...but is it enough to spell success? I don't think so. I know of so many people who graduated from Science high schools and modesty aside, I performed better than them. I know of so many people who finished in "ordinary schools" and yet they are also very successful in their chosen fields. So what then is the fuss? Well, to date my ground is: the school does not spell the success of an individual. Success still heavily depends on the individual. So I am okay with Liam just going to the ordinary state schools, especially during his primary school years. For his secondary school, at present, I am tempted to really let him go to a selective school (as in prepare him so he can pass the exams and meet all the requirements). I am not sure though if this is another case where I will eat my words when the time comes for Liam to go to the big school.
Oh well, we have a year to pray for it :)
Raising kids. Very hard. Big time.
