"What are you going to do with your older one?"
"What about him?"
"Well, he has been the only child at home for almost three years and when the little one comes in he should be ready. You shoul deal with this because if you don't your older one can make your life extremely difficult."
That was how my conversation with the midwife went during my initial pre-natal check up. Wow, I was afraid of that happening, hearing horror stories from friends, but I didn't know it was that serious! With no yayas around to rely on for help, I knew I had to attend to this concern. And of course, I wouldn't want my kids growing up having some grunt towards one another. So from that day on, we included this concern to our daily prayers.
Looking at Liam now and how he treats his little sister, I can say that another prayer has been answered. The efforts to prepare him mentally and emotionally for Sam's arrival are paying off.
Some of the things that we did:
1. Liam was with me during my pre-natal check-ups with the doctor. From the first one, to ultrasound sessions, up to the last check-up. He was with me.
2. Letting Liam talk with the baby and eventually introducing him to Sam (once we were 100% sure of the gender) even if Sam was still inside my belly.
3. Letting Liam kiss my belly, sing to Sam as well.
4. Asking and giving Liam situations that involves Sam. Questions like, "What would you do if Sam is crying? Will you sing to your baby sister also? Will you share this toy with Sam?" and many more questions.
5. Giving him responsibilities like getting the nappy or wipes when Sam needs nappy changing. Getting him involved.
6. Asking him to pray for his baby sister.
7. Preparing a gift to Liam from Sam on the day he first saw his sister.
8. Not allowing any visitors, including other relatives or grandparents, except Liam the day after I gave birth. That way, as explained by the midwife, he is given the chance to see and explore the arrival of his sister. As we all know, if there are other visitors, it is expected that they will dot on the newborn and that might lead for the other child to feel left-out.
9. Constant reassurances that we love him even if Sam is here already. We cuddle him, hug him and say I Love You to him as often as possible. Praising him if does a good deed and if he had an accomplishment.
10. Trying our best to have Liam time (just me and him or just him and his Papa).
11. Constant prayers for guidance from BRO.
Again, I am thankful and lucky perhaps, that I and Alvin didn't have to go thru the nightmare of having to address negative reactions from Liam on the arrival of Sam -- like doing silly things just as so to attract attention, or saying things that might reflect jealousy on his part. It still is a long way to go, but for now, I guess we managed to surpass Challenge number 1.
Sometimes the problem now with Liam is he just can't keep his hands and lips off his sister! Hahaha! Parating nanggigigil! He likes to sleep beside Sam, he likes to cuddle and kiss baby Sam. And sometimes, when I am busy and doing a chore and can't attend to Sam right away, to my amazement, he tries to soothe baby Sam when she cries by playing her musical mobile or her toy dog, all by himself.
Thank you to friends who gave pieces of advice. Articles that gave ideas. And of course to that midwife, who started it all. You are all heaven-sent. It is all now paying off.
